Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Newlywed Love (#35)

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February 20, 1970

It was a treat to drive the “new” Mustang to school with Judy and Linda. Judy drove one week, and I drove the next. Our car was performing well and had a comfortable ride. Roads continued to be a problem, though, with lots of winter snow, and at the end of each day, we were thankful for no mishaps.

Icy.What neither Linda nor I knew, however, was how stressful the driving was for Judy, someone who was raised in Hawaii and had no experience driving on snowy highways. She didn’t have a natural sense of caution in slippery conditions and had never been in a spin or a slide.

 

Our 40 mile trip from Champaign to Danville each day was mostly driven at high speeds on I-74, a well-traveled expressway. And with such a snowy winter, it was inevitable we’d one day have an incident — which we did.

It was early morning, and the three of us were on our way to school. Judy was driving when we hit a bad patch of ice, causing the car to start a spin. It went all the way around and then some, finally coming to a stop – in the middle of I-74 facing oncoming traffic.

Icy road safetyThis was a moment of panic, especially for poor Judy, but God was watching over us. A businessman motoring behind us pulled to the shoulder, wanting to help. Apparently he had witnessed our spin and realized we were still in danger. He got out of his car and directed Judy as she worked to turn her car around on the ice and move out of harm’s way.

Thankfully it was early morning, and traffic was light. Our good Samaritan watched for cars, putting himself at risk, and made sure we were all ok before continuing on his own commute.

When we had sufficiently recovered, I asked Judy if she wanted me to drive the rest of the way to school. She was relieved, and accepted the offer.

Having driven in many Illinois winters, I had plenty of ice-and-snow experience, along with a few of my own spin-outs. But doing a 360+ on this treacherous highway had been sobering for me, too, so I proceeded with caution.

After the school day, when I arrived home and told Nate of our “adventure,” he responded with fatherly concern for our safety and offered to drive us to school after that. But of course such a favor was unworkable. I did appreciate his protective response, though.

Love.“If anything happened to you,” he said, “I don’t think I could go on.” And sitting together that evening turned out to be extra special. I was twice-warmed…. from the glow of our fireplace and the warmth of Nate’s love.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)

Newlywed Love (#34)

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February 17, 1970

NoteNate and I did a good job keeping track of each other. If either of us was planning to divert from our usual routine, we told the other ahead of time. If plans changed without advance notice, we’d leave notes.

Some of our friends thought that was “too confining,” though Nate and I saw it as simple courtesy. But this was just one of many points of disagreement we began having with some of the new friends we were making through the university.

As we got to know people, we would often share a meal during which a handful of us would round-table different ideas, sharing opinions. Inevitably, some of our discussions would become heated and uncomfortable.

Nate and I would talk privately afterwards, always stunned to see how radically different we and others thought. After all, the whole group had much in common. All of us were in our twenties. Many were in grad school, and quite a few were paired in couples – some married, some not.

And we were all sharing our young adulthood years during a time of sweeping societal upheaval. But opinions were swinging every which way. Morals were changing rapidly, and feminists were preaching a philosophy that confused both men and women.

Vietnam WarCollege students were rioting on campuses. People who’d been raised in churches were leaving them…. and leaving God. And for the very first time, we were watching a horrific war take place on our television sets.

Nate and I concluded that the diverse opinions we were hearing from our peers were the fallout from these many changes. As America began throwing away the traditions of her history, we and our friends were interpreting things in different ways.

There was, for example, talk of “open marriage.” The premise was that if a husband or wife met someone that caught their fancy, they were free to explore that relationship (even sexually) while remaining married. It would be just a dalliance, nothing permanent, and if both marriage partners understood this, no one would be hurt.

Students eat and talkNate and I were bewildered when others nodded in agreement, since we didn’t see how this could possibly work. When we asked what would happen if just one partner enjoyed frequent dalliances and the other felt left out or jealous, the consensus was that that person would be free to leave the marriage.

How could intelligent people, we wondered, think such crazy thoughts? As time went by, these debates left Nate and I feeling more empty and unsatisfied.

It finally occurred to us that the discussions we had in our couples Sunday school class were more rewarding than those with university pals. We concluded it was because Jesus and his Word were at the center, standing strong with a set of standards that didn’t blow with the wind or change with the culture.

From then on, Nate and I began choosing our friends more carefully. We were learning an important lesson: we could associate with all kinds of people, but our most fulfilling relationships would always be with other Christians.

IntertwinedWe learned that core beliefs control the way people think and act. When hearts and minds align on those, deep connections can be made that can’t be made when they refuse to line up. It was a meaningful discovery for us, and we were thankful anew for each other – and our shared beliefs.

 

“There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all, in all, and living through all.” (Ephesians 4:5-6)

Newlywed Love (#31)

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February 11, 1970

About this time, Nate had a very rough night that culminated in a severe migraine headache. I had no idea what a migraine was until I watched him suffer through one. His agony was intense, and the only thing that helped was a darkened room with a cool cloth over his forehead and even covering his eyes.

MigrainesHe told me he had suffered through several migraines during high school, but nearly a decade had passed without a single one. Hoping they had just been part of bodily changes from boyhood to manhood, he figured he’d seen his last one.

But there he was, stricken with the worst one he’d ever known, flat on his back and unable to sleep, eat, or even have a conversation. He certainly couldn’t cope with going to classes.

As his “helpmeet,” I felt helpless. Other than to re-soak his face cloth for him, there was little else I could do. And so I sat on the edge of the bed and prayed, longing for God to make him feel better.

Just before it was time for me to go to work, he vomited, and then fell into a deep sleep. His last words before drifting off were, “You go ahead. The worst is over.”

The migraineI penned a quick note and left for school, tremendously worried about my young husband. What had caused this awful attack? Had I done anything to bring it on? And how could we prevent it from ever happening again?

When I returned home later, he was dressed and sitting at the table, bent over his law books. He said he felt drained but that the headache had been completely gone when he’d woken from his morning sleep.

We had a long talk about what might have brought it on and came to no conclusions. He reassured me over and over that it had nothing to do with me. “Since migraines are most likely caused by intense stress,” he said, “then having you alongside me could only help, not hurt.”

We wondered aloud if he should drop one of his classes or quit his job at H & R Block. Feeling fine again, though, he said he didn’t want to do that unless there were more migraines.  I admired his willingness to work so hard, especially since meeting his goals was as much for me as it was for him. But his bottom line was, “Let’s just see what happens.”

And so we prayed together about it, asking God to relieve Nate’s pressure and to keep future migraines away. In the mean time, I had one more question for Nate. “Do you think having some extra sex might increase the odds of never having another headache?”

He smiled his most handsome smile and said, “Well, why don’t we find out?”

And I was so glad to have him back again.

“The Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on them in their suffering.” (Isaiah 49:13)