Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Young Love (#2)

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When a young man is sure of his love for a certain young woman, nothing but full-blown rejection will kill his hope. So in the 1960’s, Nate subtly continued to fan the flame from afar through heartfelt letters laced with compliments and optimism, despite there still being a third party in the mix.

The Vietnam war was heating up, and the draft had been re-established. With a low number, Nate worried he’d be called up and, as he put it, “taken.” A friend of his had gone and returned in a body bag, and others he knew had come back traumatized. So he applied to join the University of Illinois ROTC program, which included an educational deferment for full time students, at least at that time.

wooingJust after Christmas, he squeezed in a quick visit to the Chicago area to see me, hoping one-on-one time would bring us closer.

Jan. 2, 1968 – (from me) I want to thank you very much for coming all this way to see me, and for the beautiful pendant and sweet cologne you brought. Thank you also for all the nice things you said and did while you were here. All of it was appreciated. Thanks again. Margaret

Feb. 26, 1968 – I am happy to get your letter. Meg, you don’t have to keep telling me that we’re just friends. I know that. I got it straight last June. No romance, but friendship… a corresponding friendship. I think you’re right when you say life can be confusing. You say you feel confused; didn’t you realize that when you go out with someone, his affection and desire for you would grow? The reason (the other boy) asks you out is that he is getting fonder of you.

Mar. 17, 1968 – Meg, I really don’t know what to write about you and (the other guy). You want advice, but you must make up your own mind. Though you say you are in a period of separation from him now, you may decide to go back to him at the end of it. The ultimate thing is for you to love him and for him to reciprocate. To me, the most important thing is for you to be happy.

April 3, 1968 – Your current situation with (the other guy) sounds like you have resolved the problem of religious differences. I think you are extremely sophisticated to view the matter as you do. Many women might childishly make demands, but you honestly offer cordiality to a good and sincere man. And both of us know how fortunate I think he is. And consider this: commitment to Christ can be found in any denomination.

a-studentMay 29, 1968 – My faith is the only thing holding me together. I’ve taken three out of five law finals, and the pressure is intense. And after a perusal of TIME magazine with its articles on Russian missiles, bio-chemical warfare, racism, and battered child syndrome, I think faith in Christ is sine qua non.

May 30, 1968 – After filling out dozens of forms, I finally got my ROTC appointment. The Army has been nice to me… 160 applicants, and they only took 16, with only 4 of those in grad school. I don’t know what I did to be so lucky, but I thank God for it each night. ROTC means I’ll have a deferment from the draft at least until I get my law degree. It means two summer camps with the Army, but I won’t have to go to Vietnam any time soon. I would like to give you a big hug, and you’d probably like to bounce the nearest vase off of my head.

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)

Seven Years Ago

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November 3rd will always be an important day for our family. It’s the day we encircled Nate’s bed and released him from this world to head into the next – a most painful experience.

Today, 7 years later, our grown children and I can talk about Nate without that pain. Instead we’ve shared memories and expressions of gratitude today. We’ve enjoyed a spirit of celebration connected to the man who played such major roles in our lives. And we’ve acknowledged that he was given to us just for that time. On God’s calendar, everything worked out perfectly, which included Nate’s November 3rd departure.

img_0636-1Recently, as I cleaned a small store room in our basement, I came across an old, stained cardboard box. I’ve kept careful track of this box for nearly 50 years, because I’ve known what was inside: letters written between Nate and I from the time we first met till we were married. It was the chronicle of our love story – detailing how it grew from friendship into love, then from dating into marriage.

And so, these many decades later, it seemed like a good time to open the box and re-read the narrative.

I cleared the dining room table and cut the old tape, allowing the letters to slip out – a treasure trove of communication sent between Nate and I from 1966 through 1969.

Since we lived many miles apart when we first met and later while we were dating, the only option back then was to wait in line for time on a shared telephone or to write letters. Besides, phone use was expensive, but mail needed only a 3-cent stamp. As a result, our love story is all in writing.

Since the letters weren’t in any special order, the first thing to do was organize them by date. Luckily, Nate was a guy who dated virtually everything. And when I was finished sorting, I counted them all – 438!

438-letters

What a delight it was to take several days to read through them, remembering things I hadn’t thought about in decades. Nate knew he wanted to marry me shortly after we met. But I was just getting involved with someone else, not ready for any serious commitment.

img_3938So, going through these old letters reminded me of three of Nate’s finest character qualities: endurance, perseverance, and faithfulness. Though he knew what he wanted (me), he patiently endured my year-long uncertainty about him. Even when I wrote about the virtues of the other guy, Nate persevered with kindness, giving me the freedom and time to make my own decision. He never tried to “talk me into” liking him best, but simply waited…. and waited…. faithfully sending a letter every single day.

(Tomorrow: excerpts from a love story)

Love “….always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Jesus in an Apron (Conclusion)

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Yesterday we heard from Mary’s friend Donna as she wrote about Mary’s terminal diagnosis and the sudden return of her cancer. Several days after receiving Donna’s email, Mary responded with some reflective thoughts of her own:

From: Mary Peterson

Date: Mon, Dec 15, 2014 at 4:17 PM.  Subject: Re: My love. To: Donna Baer

donna-bThank you Donna, for your beautiful email. I have read it over and over and so appreciate your clear, honest perspectives about death and dying.

When Nate was dying, I was privileged to be a witness to much of it, my main desire being to help and comfort Margaret. Her children were magnificent with their encouragement of their parents, but God allowed me to be the one with whom she was able to share her deepest concerns and grief… probably a combination of wanting to protect her children as well as have someone of the same generation to talk to.

One of the things we talked about was how similar death and childbirth are.  Nate moved steadily toward heaven, just as labor moves a woman toward delivery. We marveled at the process, as he slowly but surely moved through death to life.   I don’t know about you, but ever since I witnessed my first birth in nurses training, I’ve always considered it a sacred moment when a baby is finally born.

I was recently reminded of that again, as I had the happy privilege of being in the delivery room as our Johanna gave birth to her fourth child.  (“Weeping may endure for the night, but joy cometh in the morning.”) And like birth, death seems a sacred moment as well. As Pastor Lutzer says, God is powerfully present at that moment, when we need Him most, according to His promise to never leave or forsake us. I’m trusting Him for that.

Now, as far as your kind words about being Jesus in an apron…  Margaret thinks that would be a great book title, but I’m sure I would not be a good model for it.  I do agree the small things we do, just in the process of day to day living, can affect others, and especially those coming behind us. Through this cancer journey, I’ve been reminded of that over and over as people tell of something that impacted and encouraged them. The funny thing is, what they relate, I have no recollection of!  Perhaps the little things really are the big things?

Anyway, thank you Donna, for your sweet words.  God used you to bless this old heart!  And yes, I do look forward to serving with you once again, in the Kingdom.  God is good!

With love and gratitude, Mary

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“May we be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.” (Romans 1:12)