Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Never!

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Struggling to make myself understood by the gas station attendant who accused me of ruining his car wash (yesterday’s blog), I tried one last time. “The recording won’t let me put in my code!”

“You were just supposed to punch it in,” he said with disdain, “so the wash would start like it always does.”

“But it won’t let me punch it in! It says it’s ‘in use’!”

“No!” he said. “You just punch it in. Like this!” Punching hard at his cash register buttons, he looked at me through a frown.

“But it won’t let me!” I pleaded. “Won’t you please come outside so I can show you?”

“It won’t let you, because you broke it! No – I won’t come. Wagging his finger at me he said, “You go now. No car wash for you today!”

“But I already paid!” I said again.

“No car wash for you today… or any other day! Never!”

And with that he reached into his cash register and pulled out a five dollar bill and tossed it on the counter in front of me. “There. Now get your car and go! And don’t come back!”

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As I walked back to my car feeling completely misunderstood, I thought about how frustrating it is to do your very best at getting a point across and still fail. And I had to ask myself, is that how God feels when I don’t “get” something he’s trying to tell me?

When things aren’t going well and there’s no one to blame, do I blame him? And then does he feel frustrated with my lack of understanding? Or when he’s trying to tell me something through his Word, do I interrupt and “talk over” him by skipping the hard parts or denying his intended meaning? Or do I lose patience when he doesn’t quickly answer my prayer requests?

Does he finally give up and stop trying as I did with the gas station guy? I didn’t really want $5; I wanted a car wash. But he wasn’t willing to hear me out or go outside to identify the problem.

It’s similar with God. He wants me to come along with him, to spend one-on-one time listening carefully to what he’s trying to explain. He’s hoping I’ll try to understand with an open mind. I wanted the attendant to believe me, but from the beginning, he was set against that. God wants me to believe him, too, without my defenses being up against him.

As I walked back to my car, I passed the machine where I’d first entered my code. “Please wait. Car wash in use,” it said. All I could think was that when the next car wash customer couldn’t punch in his code, he would probably head for the attendant, too. That’s when he’d learn that a crazy woman broke it that afternoon.

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord.” (Isaiah 1:18)

But I already paid!

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Dirty carMarch must be a good time to own a car wash in the Midwest. Unlike Hawaii, Florida, or other balmy climates, our cars get dirty fast. When it snows, road-salt coats everything with a cloudy film. When it rains, mud adds a new layer, and when the sun comes out, it bakes everything into a stubborn crust of filthy.

My favorite stay-in-the-car automatic wash is next to my grocery store, so I use it often during these messy months in Michigan. Recently, though, it refused to cooperate.

I entered the code numbers into the computer as always, and the automated voice instructed me to pull forward, as always. But when I got to the place where the light usually flashed “STOP,” it gave me a strange instruction instead: “BACK UP SLOWLY.”

auto car washAssuming I’d pulled in too far, I crept back to the starting line, thankful no one was waiting behind me. Pausing to give the wash-computer time to re-boot, I slowly began moving forward again. But when I got to the sign, it still said, “BACK UP SLOWLY.”

This time I backed all the way out to the machine where I had punched in the code, thinking I could simply re-enter the numbers. But when I got there, the voice was already talking. “Please wait. Car wash in use. Please wait. Car wash in use.”

I poked my code in anyway, but it didn’t change her message. Nevertheless, I’d paid for a wash and was determined to get one. Pulling forward a third time, I saw the same BACK UP instruction and decided to take a new approach.

Turning off the engine, I left my car and walked around to the busy gas station, where I got in line at the check-out. When it was my turn, the attendant surprised me by yelling at me. “What do you think you’re doing going back and forth, back and forth in my car wash? You’re going to break it!”

“It’s already broken,” I said, “but I didn’t do it.”

“You did!” he said, in front of three customers. “I saw you!” He pointed to one of 4 TV monitors at ceiling level, and sure enough, there was my parked car on the screen.

“But it told me to back up instead of stop, so I did.”

“See?” he said, feeling vindicated. “That’s when you broke it!”

I tried to defend myself, but he cut me off. “Get your car out of there!”

Jabbing his finger in the direction of the TV monitor, he repeated himself in a louder voice. “Get it out of there right now!”

“But I already paid for a wash!” I whined, trying not to look at the faces of disgruntled customers waiting their turns.

(…to be continued)

“All things should be done decently and in order.” 1 Corinthians 14:40

Preacher Man, Conclusion

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As I sat at Derek’s dinner table digesting God’s big surprise (yesterday’s post), he asked me what I thought of Nelson becoming a pastor.

“It’s glorious!” I said, confident that the Lord had been schooling him to this end for a long time. “But how can he be a pastor without being ordained? And how can he be ordained without having gone to seminary?”

Derek’s answer surprised me (God’s Part Two). “You don’t need to go to seminary to become a pastor here. It’s about being the man the church ‘puts forward,’ combined with an interview and ordination process that happens in front of a panel of Baptist pastors working in Hawaii.”

Two weeks later I was sitting in the back of the church as its members discussed the possibility of Nelson becoming their new pastor. Five different people stood and told of their long-ago hope that if Derek ever left, Nelson would step in. When they voted whether or not to extend the call, it was unanimous – and that day they “put forward” the man they wanted as their new pastor.

IMG_2180Two weeks after that, Nelson was sitting in front of six Baptist pastors, answering questions about God’s Word and his own faith. I was privileged to listen in on the process and their discussion afterwards. Once again the vote was unanimous, and they agreed to ordain Nelson the following day.

And what a day it was!

After these same men had preached in their own churches that morning, they and their wives joined us to participate in Nelson’s afternoon ordination service. The charge was given, followed by the pastors encircling our son to pray phenomenal blessings over him as he received Part Two of God’s amazing surprise….

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….and I couldn’t help but weep.

As I listened, God gave me a flashback to the days of difficulty Nate and I had had with a youthful Nelson as he made one unwise choice after another. I remembered a teen who ran away from home on a sub-zero night and was missing for four days. I thought of court room episodes, car accidents, alcohol, and a tearful conversation with Nate during which I questioned what would ever become of our wayward son.

FullSizeRender (7)As Nelson kneeled in the little sanctuary in the process of being ordained, God gave me the answer. Directly into my heart and mind he said, “During those troubled years when you were looking at Nelson, all you saw  was a rebellious kid.

But Me? I saw…. a pastor.”

“I have chosen the way of faithfulness.” (Psalm 119:30)