Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Slow and Sure?

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Today Mary took in chemo infusion #4. With 14 left, progress seems slow and not always sure. It’s tempting to say, “These four and no more.” In a fight against cancer, things sometimes get worse before they get better.

Fiery furnaceBut God is monitoring her situation closely. As Mary goes through the fire of cancer and chemo, the Lord is keeping his hand firmly on the thermostat and won’t let it get hot enough to overwhelm her. He’s right next to her, in the fire with her, exactly as he was with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego of Bible times.

No life is without its concentrated heat: diseases, relationship troubles, accidents, distress of all kinds. God’s intention is that our sufferings produce a willingness to endure whatever he allows. 1 Peter 5:10 says, “After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” (1 Peter 5:10)

God doesn’t remove suffering the minute it pounces. Instead he lets it come and sometimes stay “a little while” as Paul says, partly to increase our patience to handle hardship. When Nate found out he had cancer that was going to take his life in just a few weeks, we talked about how difficult it was to accept. Finally he said, “I shouldn’t ask, ‘Why me?’ Instead I should ask, ‘Why not me?’ ”

That realization probably didn’t make his suffering any easier, but he found a measure of satisfaction in accepting what he knew was the truth. In Scripture Paul not only listed his own afflictions, he let us know he saw each one as a (gulp) privilege. And just when we’re wondering how he could possibly have seen it that way, he tells us:

“I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) And that strength-to-endure is available to all of us. Jesus waits for us to ask for it, but when we do, he delivers.

Mary's view during chemoMary asked for it today and felt it when he made a special delivery of his strength-to-endure, right into her “little chemo cubicle” during infusion #4. And she’s confident he’ll see her through 14 more. It may go slow, but it will definitely be sure.

“Everywhere and in all things I have learned…. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:12-13)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. So thankful for the prayers of many and the special peace I felt at the hospital today. No nausea so far, at bedtime Monday! Thanks for praying against it for the next 24 hours.
  2. Pray about feeding tube pain, as the expert can’t see me until July 2. Please pray for an earlier appointment.
  3. Praise God from whom all blessings flow, and I counted many blessings today.

Where to?

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Dorm roomThe writer’s conference is over, and I’m home, unpacked, and working to organize all the notes, books, handouts, and CDs accumulated during those inspirational 5 days.

As I drove the 112 miles from my house to Wheaton College last Tuesday, I spent some time talking to God about his purposes for the conference. “I’m not entirely sure why I’m going, Lord,” I said, “but I certainly felt you urging me to sign up. Where are you taking me? I’m anxious to know.”

On the first day, during the first meeting, our speaker gave a motivational talk, and it was as if she’d heard me in the car. She said, “Most of you aren’t sure what these next days will hold, and some of you aren’t sure why you even came. We’d all like to know right up front where God is taking us, but like Abraham of the Bible, he isn’t telling yet.”

She (and God) had my attention.

She cited Genesis 12:1 and God’s directive to Abraham. “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go…” Poor Abraham didn’t get the specifics, just like most of us attending the conference. But almost all of us had felt God’s instruction to go, just like Abraham .

MapOur speaker went on. “God didn’t let Abraham in on where he was taking him or what was awaiting him. Surely Abraham believed it was something good, or he wouldn’t have taken that big step of saying goodbye to his relatives, his occupation, his traditions, and all things familiar.

Or maybe he just knew enough about God to know it would be worth his while to follow him anywhere, even if he didn’t get to see the map. Those of us at the writer’s conference didn’t have to take the massive leap of faith Abraham did, but we did experience a mini-version of it, unsure of our end results.

???????????????????????????????Mary’s walk into cancer and its dreadful treatment is another example of God leading someone to whom he hasn’t shown the map. And so far, the journey has been difficult. Even so, Mary is in Abraham’s camp, knowing enough about God to believe it’ll be worth her while to follow him anywhere… even through surgery, chemotherapy, and beyond.

Our conference speaker ended her talk with a very encouraging word while still in Genesis 12:1. She said, “Just before Abraham left, God gave him a valuable piece of information, a sense of the map. He said, ‘Go… and I will show you’.”

Mary is on the way, and little by little, God will show her the map.

“He who calls you is faithful.” (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m praising God for so many people telling me today they’ll be praying tomorrow during my 4th infusion.
  2. Thankful also for a very full day, helping to keep my mind off tomorrow.
  3. Please pray for our appointment with a specialist tomorrow to investigate the pain caused by my feeding tube.
  4. Pray against the overwhelming nausea that seems to follow chemo.

A Concrete Solution

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Deck progressAs the days go by, our new deck grows. Most homes in the neighborhood already own good-looking decks, but this is our first ever, so watching it take shape has been satisfying. In a couple of weeks we’ll be enjoying it much like kids enjoy a tree house.

Our plan is to build a low-ceilinged room beneath the largest part of the deck, fully protected from the weather. Since we have no garage, this under-room will serve as a garage-sized shed while giving double-duty to the yard space already taken by the deck. Last week workmen poured concrete for the floor of this room, partnering it with 50 year old concrete that was already there and still in good shape. Watching the process was fascinating.

The truckWhen the cement truck arrived, it was too big to make the turn into our drive, so the men had to ferry the wet concrete from the street to the back of the house, one wheelbarrow at a time. Thankfully the “pour” wasn’t too big, and they finished quickly.

As they dumped their loads into the rectangular space, I was surprised at how full-of-chunks the cement was. Would our floor be made of sharp rocks? From my perch in the house above them, I watched carefully and finally went out to ask.

“It’s gonna be so bumpy,” I said, bemoaning the stony texture.

Bumpy cementGetting glassy“Just watch,” one guy said. “I’m gonna bring all the cream to the top. It’ll be so smooth it’ll be slippery.” That was hard to believe.

But sure enough, as he manipulated the wet cement with his tools, little by little the sharp rocks disappeared and glassy-smooth began to appear. A final step to put broom-texture on the surface changed slippery to safe.

Watching this transformation reminded me of how God works on us over time to smooth away our rough edges. Scripture calls it “purifying” or “refining” or “perfecting”.  The Lord starts with our coarse state of natural self-focus and prods us with the tools of circumstance toward refinement. No difficult experience is without his spiritual intention, and we’re given lots of opportunity to get the irregularities knocked off of us.

None of it feels good and can include anything from “uncomfortable” to “excruciating”. Mary is currently enduring a long refining process in her fight with cancer and chemo, putting her toward the excruciating end of things. Though she often seems already-refined to us, from God’s perspective every human being (no matter how godly) always needs more.

BumpsAs a reminder of this, I added a couple of “bumps” to the smooth surface of our new concrete: a 2014 penny to mark the date, and a beach stone to remind us that God always has more work to do in smoothing us out toward Christ-like-ness.

“Let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.” (2 Corinthians 7:1)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful for a sister who faithfully sends out these prayer reaquests and keeps everyone informed about my situation.
  2. Please continue praying about feeding tube pain.