Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

Silly Questions

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A shopping trip for a new outfit normally doesn’t escalate into touch-and-go excitement, but Friday was different. As I pulled into a parking space facing the big glass doors at Carson’s, a security vehicle screeched to a halt in front of me.

Security carOne man jumped out and ran at top speed across the lot and around the corner of the store. The other put pedal to the metal and screeched in the opposite direction.

Once they were gone, I went inside to start my hunt for clothes, but something funny was going on at the cashier’s desk. Authorities were quizzing two 20-something girls, when all of a sudden the man who had jumped from the security car burst through the double doors, flying past the cashier, the girls, and me, and disappeared into the store.

Later, questioning the cashier, I learned a team of 3 shoplifters had been foiled in their attempt to steal clothing. “They always work in teams,” she said. “One is the look-out, another makes a purchase to distract the sales staff, and a third heads for the door with the stolen goods.”

Security monitorsThis time, though, cameras had been following the girls as they’d moved through the racks pretending to shop. Something about the way they repeatedly glanced at the cashier, whispered among themselves, and showed signs of nervousness tipped off security. And as the girl with the clothing stepped from the store, those watching were ready.

Shoplifters are willing to risk arrest for one of several reasons: financial gain, rebellion toward authorities, or just for a lark. If this team of girl-thieves had known their every move was being monitored on closed circuit TV, would they have done it?

Silly question.

But maybe that question is pertinent for all of us. What do we do when we think no one’s watching? If we believe in God and his omniscience, that’s just one more silly question, because never is there a moment we’re not being watched.

And two more questions that ought to be silly but often aren’t: Since we know we’re being watched, does it make a difference in how we act? And if not, why not?

These would have been good questions for those 3 girls to talk through in reference to the eyes of security cameras before they attempted their crime. But it’s even more important for the rest of us to ask the same questions of ourselves, in relation to the eyes of God.

“God watches how people live; he sees everything they do.” (Job 34:21)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful for my week off of chemo, spending Monday with friends rather than at the hospital.
  2. I’m thankful for a weekend in Michigan and the vibrant green of spring.
  3. Please pray I’ll keep focused on God and his plans rather than my own

Leaving a Legacy

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Today found us doing what we always do on Memorial Day: driving to Chicago’s Rosehill Cemetery to visit the family graves. This year we only had 13 family members due to holiday work schedules and faraway family locales, but the day was important anyway.

Laughter at the cemeteryMary initiated a discussion of shared memories, one for each name on the tombstones beginning with the baby for whom the plot was initially purchased. He died in 1911 at only 20 months. Our sharing about little William was minimal since none of us had known him, but most of the others brought forth many memories.

Memorial Days of the past have often been somber or even difficult, but this one was punctuated with laughter. Funny stories abounded, and I can’t remember a more humorous celebration of those who had gone before. As always I loved hearing stories about Nate, and many shared.

Toward the end of our time together, Mary and Bervin’s son Karl voiced something we’d all been thinking. “Mom,” he said, “you didn’t think you’d be here today, did you?”

At the cemeteryMary had to admit he was right, but there she was, feeling well and looking good. It was cause for further rejoicing.

Later Mary and I had a long conversation about the day. “Was it difficult,” I said, “to be at the cemetery, now that cancer has entered your life? What were you thinking?”

“….that I’ve gotten good at taking one day at a time,” was her quick answer. “It’s the only way to handle this.”

She talked further, remarking how today’s cemetery trip prompted her to consider the spiritual legacy she’ll leave behind when she’s gone. “I don’t feel I’ve done enough,” she said. But before I could refute that, she continued. “I guess little becomes much when you put it in God’s hands.”

“You know,” she said, “only God knows how much longer I’ll live. When I think about Memorial Day a year from now, it seems very far away. But life is made for the living, and I’m going to do my best to live well on each of the days God gives me.”

She talked about the beauty of the cemetery and the dramatic greens of spring, how she hadn’t noticed the intensity of nature’s colors until cancer came.

“God has blessed me every day,” she said, “and has given me far more good days than bad ones. I intend to count my blessings and be grateful for each one.”

Folks with cancer have two choices: they can get mad or get glad. Mary has chosen to appreciate life more than ever, now that death has threatened. And that’s a mighty good legacy to leave.

Legacies“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for a great weekend with kids, grandkids, and beautiful weather
  2. Praise for a godly heritage
  3. Pray against nausea after tomorrow’s chemo infusion

The Chemo Room

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Mary is a trooper. She doesn’t complain and accepts what is. And what is, for now, is chemotherapy: every Monday for 3 weeks, then a week off, then another round of the same – for 6 months. That’s a lot of chemo and a lot of stress.

First there’s the anxiety leading up to the hours-long ordeal at the hospital. It isn’t that Mary is skitterish about needles. She’s a nurse by training and has never been squeamish. She bears pain well and gave birth to 7 babies without even a whimper. But waiting in the oncology department at a hospital? That’s rough, mostly because there’s SO much waiting.

IMG_6552Waiting to be tested, talked-to, tested again, given results, hooked up to an IV, and waiting through the infusion.  The system is first come, first served, and after each encounter with medical personnel, it’s back to the end of the line to wait again. Emotionally it’s difficult to pass the time in a crowd of very ill, very subdued patients.

Mary has come to terms with her cancer, but when she’s away from the medical world, she can set aside that reality for a while. Focusing on everyday duties common to people without cancer offers a respite from the exhaustion of pondering it all. But sitting in the chemo waiting room? That brings cancer front and center again.

And then there’s the infusion itself. It isn’t easy watching a bagful of poison drip into your system, especially when you’ve always been careful about what goes into your body. A chemo patient wonders: Will I be vomiting tonight? Or will the effects be minimal? Will I be too exhausted to do anything but crawl into bed? And if so, will I be able to sleep? These questions press hard in the chemo room.

IMG_8395Because of all this, daughter Stina put together a beautiful tote bag with comfort-contents, things she thought might help her mom get through 18 chemo treatments: a blanket, reading material, cozy footies, ginger root for nausea, mouthwash, a special water bottle.

Last weekend our ladies group did the same, adding to Mary’s stash: ginger tea, body lotions, sea bands for nausea, a scented candle, snack foods. She may not use everything, but we’re hoping she can feel the love behind it.

IMG_1764(1)When someone has cancer, we’re not always sure what to do or say. Most of us are afraid of being insensitive without meaning to, or even causing offense. But Jesus has the instructive word on this: “Love one another.” We may not always do it perfectly, but because Mary is who she is, she receives what she’s given with joy.

And we hope she feels our love surrounding her…. even in the chemo room.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Continue to pray against nausea.
  2. Pray for more energy to help Stina with wedding plans.
  3. Praise for a quiet day of rest today.