Category Archives: Life’s disappointments

The Game of Life

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StoplightWhen we were children, one of the popular playground games was “Red Light Green Light.” A crowd of kids stood behind a starting line. Then one person (chosen to be the “stoplight”) stood a good distance from all the others to shout the color commands. With his back turned, he “directed traffic.”

If he yelled, “Green light!” the kids in the group could run toward him until he said “Red light!” Then they’d have to stop instantly, because he would turn around hoping to catch them moving. If he did, they’d have to return to the starting line. The object of the game was for one of the runners to tag the stoplight person before he could turn around.

Mary and Bervin, without wanting to, are playing medical “Red Light Green Light.” After a thorough work-up of Mary’s cancer case at Rush Hospital in Chicago, they traveled to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, for a second opinion.

In the 2 weeks since Mary has been sick, the stop and go lights have been flashing with dizzying speed. One day they were running toward surgery and the next toward chemotherapy. Or they were being told, “We can operate and take it all out,” or, “We think there’s more cancer elsewhere in your body.” Green, red, green, red.

Mayo ClinicYesterday was a difficult red light day of meeting new doctors at a new hospital, taking new tests, and ending the day at new depths of exhaustion. Today the light turned green as blood tests looking for cancer elsewhere came back normal. Tomorrow a colonoscopy will reveal the health of Mary’s intestinal track. Whether it’ll be a red or green result, no one yet knows.

After playing this game for 2 weeks, they’ve been tempted to think they are the losers. Mary said tonight, “The minute we get a piece of bad news, our natural tendency is to give way to despair. But again and again we’ve watched God stop those thoughts (red light) and superimpose his scriptural promises over them (green light).”

She also said, “I’ve been reading in Hebrews that our suffering is meant to train us to be more like Christ. It’s not meant to torture us but to be a force toward spiritual gain.”

None of us are exempt from playing “Red Light Green Light.” But with God, it isn’t just a playground game. It’s a life-game that leads to the priceless win of holiness.

“God is educating you. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children…. We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live?” (Hebrews 12:9-11 The Message)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. Preparation for tomorrow’s meeting with the surgeon, for whatever they will hear
  2. For Mary and Bervin’s children as they each suffer in different ways over their mom’s illness
  3. That each will turn their eyes to Jesus first and to medical information after that

Sister Sob Story

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This morning I had a meltdown, a 20 minute cry over my sister Mary and her cancer. As the days pass and additional medical recommendations are made for her treatment, all of us are increasing in hope for a brighter future than we first thought. Time after time I have to remind myself this isn’t a repeat of my husband’s rapid-fire cancer, and we are NOT approaching Mary’s final days.

This morning, however, I lost sight of that for a few minutes. But it wasn’t just that.

???????????????????????????????Mary and Bervin’s son Luke has been an extraordinary asset to his parents since her diagnosis on February 15. As a highly successful consultant to hospitals around the country, Luke has absorbed a wealth of medical information, not just about specific doctors and health care institutions but about patient care, therapeutic drug use, and diagnostic testing.

Since the diagnosis, Luke has been Mary’s medical champion and full time troubleshooter. Although I know only a fraction of what he knows, he and I jive perfectly on one thing: Job-One is to protect Mary from all harm.

For example, we’ve known from the very first day that too many phone calls, texts, and visits would overwhelm and exhaust her. So Luke and I talked about that and have steadily worked to shield her from an overdose of social life ever since.

Yesterday, for instance, a group of ladies very dear to Mary emailed me with the hope they could spend time with her today. I texted Mary for her opinion, but when I didn’t hear back, I made the decision to handle it myself. I told them a visit would be too much for her and that they shouldn’t do it. I wrote, “How about notes or flowers instead?”

Eventually Mary and I talked about their request to visit, and since these women were from out of town, she opted to let them come. This morning, as I mentally constructed an apologetic email to the ladies, it hit me that as passionately as I want to protect my sister from harm, I can’t really do it. And it’s not because of phone calls, texts, and visits.

???????????????????????????????Mary has cancer! And I can’t do anything to defend her from this enemy’s ongoing assault. That was the real reason for my morning meltdown.

As I talked to God about it through this day, he gradually convinced me that it doesn’t really matter if I can’t protect my sister. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that that’s his job. “I’ve got this,” he said.

And so, although cancer does have the powerful ability to cause meltdowns, God has the greater ability to protect Mary in whatever way he chooses.

“This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you.” (Psalm 91:2,6,9-10)

Mary’s prayer requests: 

  1. For courage and confidence in the Lord 
  2. For God’s will to be done  
  3. Continued prayer for her kids

Thanks!

An Important Preposition

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Mary and I have been working through a challenging Bible study together in the last few weeks. Louisa and Birgitta have been doing it too, and all of us have become aware that the preposition “in”, though little, has big significance.

Believing GodOur study is titled “Believing God,” and one of the first things we learned was the monumental difference between believing God and believing IN God. Most people, if stopped on the street would say, “Sure. I believe in God.” But is that the same as actually believing him?

In our Bible study we’ve memo- rized 5 statements that are critical to God-belief without the “in”:

  1. God is who he says he is.
  2. God can do what he says he can do.
  3. I am who God says I am.
  4. I can do all things through Christ.
  5. God’s Word is alive and active in me.

In our Bible study we repeat these powerful truths aloud at the beginning of each session, reminding ourselves that if we don’t agree with these five, we’re believing IN God, not believing God.

I'm believing God.And that’s not all. Our video instructor asked us to find a blue ribbon or cord to tie around one wrist during our weeks of learning. Much like a string tied around a finger, it was to be a reminder of those 5 truths. When we saw our blue cord many times each day, we were supposed to say, “I’m believing God,” accompanying it with sign language: “I’m (pointing to chest) believing (pointing to head) God (pointing upward).”

Two Thursdays back, Mary had a fever and wasn’t feeling well, so she missed our study time. We decided not to proceed without her, hoping she’d be back the next week, but by then she’d learned about her cancer. Now we’ve pushed the pause button indefinitely, because our little band of believers wouldn’t be the same without her.

When I visited Mary the morning after her diagnosis, her blue cord was peeking out from under her hospital gown, not much more than a few threads now. But there it was, testifying to those 5 rock-solid reasons for continuing to believe God, despite pancreatic cancer.

Believing God, even nowI’m wearing my blue cord, too, and as we chatted that first painful morning, I quietly planned to do the finger exercise at an opportune time, pointing to chest, head, and upward. Mary would know what it meant. But she beat me to it. Only a few minutes into our conversation her arm went up, she pointed to her blue cord, and did the point, point, point: I’m – believing – God.

So how, specifically, is she believing him? Today, she said it was this way:

“The Lord will cover [me] with his feathers. He will shelter [me] with his wings. His faithful promises are [my] armor and protection.” (Psalm 91:4)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1.  For God’s wisdom in making treatment decisions
  2.  For preparation of each family member for what they will learn this week
  3.  For comfort, especially for her children

Thank you!