Newlywed Love (#107)

October 8-10, 1970

M and BMary’s due date, October 7, had come and gone without a baby. Though she was realistic, I wondered if something might be wrong. “Nothing to worry about,” she said. “In a week or two we’ll be holding him or her in our arms.” I decided to take her word for it, as an experienced nurse.

Meanwhile life continued for Nate and me as he poured himself into the last semester of law school and I played with 5-year-olds all day. In the month or so since school began, I’d made two new friends, Lynn and Barbara — both teachers. Once in a while we began seeing each other outside of school hours.

Lynn was a student-wife like me, living in Champaign with her new husband, and Barbara lived in Danville with hers. When our first PTA evening of the year came on October 8, Barbara invited both Lynn and I to her home after school – so we wouldn’t have to drive our 80 miles twice in one day.

The three of us put our feet up for a while and shared dinner at McDonald’s before returning to school for the long evening with parents. By the time I pulled in at home, it was almost 11:00 PM — but walking in to Nate’s hugs and kisses was the best possible end to a long day.

That night, however, I had trouble sleeping. My hands, face, and neck began to itch something fierce, and in the light of day I saw why. There were little dots everywhere, thousands of them, and each one had a white center. It was the strangest rash I’d ever seen.

Nate was concerned. “Are you allergic to anything?”

“Not that I know of,” I said.

“I think we better see a doctor,” he said. “And you probably shouldn’t go to school, since it might be contagious.”

Sumac conesI called in sick, and we headed for the Carle Clinic. The doctor took one look and said, “Have you been in the woods lately?”

“Well,” I said, “we did go to Allerton Park and there are woods there, but we didn’t really go into them.”

“Did you pick any plants while you were there?” And of course we had.

Unbeknownst to us, the sumac leaves and cones we’d collected were famous for causing rashes, and I had fooled around with them most of the day. The doctor explained. “Sumac poisoning is like poison oak or poison ivy but actually can be even worse.

The leaves, cones, roots… all of it has an oily resin on it that irritates skin. Once you touch it, anyplace else you touch with the resin still on your fingers can get ‘poisoned’ too. That’s why it’s on your face and forearms.”

More of Allerton.

He gave me a salve to coat the rash and said I should be looking better in a few days. That worked well with the long Columbus Day weekend just ahead.

Though I had to take a sick day, I felt just fine, so I talked Nate into a quick study break…

…at Allerton Park.

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health.” (3 John 1:2)

Newlywed Love (#106)

October 7, 1970

Nate continued his industrious studying, and I did my best to help him. The tapping of our typewriter was the music of our evenings. Once in a while, when we both needed a break, we’d call Cathy and John to see if they needed a break, too.

CakeOn one of those evenings we invited them over for a quick cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate cake at 8:30 – but our quick break didn’t end till after midnight.

Nate and I brought up something from our Sunday school class that was Bible-based, which made no sense to either Cathy or John – who had no personal faith in Christ.

When they left, there was a new tension in the air between us. Something had changed, and as Nate and I did the dishes, we tried to figure it out. How could four good friends fail to come together by the end of the evening? We’d been pals since Nate and I had gotten engaged and had never had a break in the relationships.

We wondered if maybe they were unhappy as a married couple. They never said so and seemed to love each other, but John had quit law school and wasn’t working either. Maybe that big shift was taking a toll on them both.

We tried to recall anything we’d discussed over our cake that might have offended. One thing that stood out was when Cathy told us about her professor making a pass at her on several different days.

“Wow!” I said. “Didn’t he see your wedding ring?”

“Yes, but that didn’t seem to bother him.”

Three's a crowdThat’s when we refilled our coffee cups and began round-tabling the subject of open marriage. Nate and I had talked about this new trend weeks earlier with a different set of friends, astounded that any thinking person would condone such an idea – husbands and wives inviting other partners into their relationship.                                                                                   (Illustration by Ben Barrett-Forrest/The Globe and Mail)

But there we were, chatting with close friends… and they liked this bizarre idea, too. We tried to convince them it would destroy their marriage, while they tried to convince us it was the open-minded, free-thinking, modern way to live.

The chasm between our opinions widened as the hours of our chocolate-cake-break passed, and our introducing God’s Word into the mix only made matters worse.

God's instructionAs Nate and I covered the leftover cake and turned out the kitchen light, we concluded it was these opposing views that were responsible for the tension between us. Scripture was black and white about marriage, but our friends saw marriage as evolving into something different… to suit the times.

 

We worried about Cathy’s welfare in light of her professor’s advances. Though she assured us she wasn’t interested in this particular man, would she eventually say yes to someone else? And if she did, how could John really be OK with that?

We also wondered if tonight’s friction would cloud our next get-together. Would the same discussion continue where we left off? Or would we go back to being compatible by just avoiding the topic? And most concerning of all, would we still be friends?

“Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (Proverbs 18:24, The Message)

Newlywed Love (#105)

October 3-5, 1970

On Saturday morning we invited my old carpool buddy Linda and her husband Ron over for an early breakfast. We hadn’t connected since the summer and wanted to swap stories of how things were going in our new schools.

percolatorIt was an especially cold morning, so Nate built a fire to make our get-together special. I scrambled eggs and made toast while the coffee percolated, and everything was ready when they walked in the door.

The four of us shared lively conversation around the table until mid-morning, and Linda commiserated with me over my ongoing 80 mile round-trip to Danville each day. Her new commute was about 3 miles.

But we reminisced about how very special that year at McKinley School had been when Judy, Linda, and I were all newlyweds and new teachers together – a unique time in our lives. Progress would continue to separate us, but we hoped we would always remain friends, even if only long distance.

Sumac.After they left, Nate and I decided to steal a couple of hours from his heavy study schedule to visit our favorite place – Allerton Park. The leaves were turning, and I was especially enamored with the red sumac and its velvety, crimson cones. After picking an arm-load of branches and collecting a bag-full of the cones, I couldn’t wait to decorate our classroom for the season.

Picking pine conesNate gathered pine cones for an art project that would happen closer to Christmas. Then, once our work was done, we spent some quality time together on a blanket drinking coffee and munching on red licorice.

When we got home, I spread out my autumn collection on the table and thought about the many creative suggestions my students were sure to offer about how to use it all.

 

The next day, Sunday, included another lively discussion in the  young couples’ group. Our class name was J.O.Y. — Jesus, others, and you — but lately it lacked joy and was more like a debate competition. Martin wasn’t there, but another young husband, Warren, took his place.

He didn’t criticize the pastor but made a fool of himself with senseless arguing. Once again Nate jumped in, and I felt sorry for Pastor Ralph as he tried to wrangle the discussion back on topic.

After church and Sunday school, Nate and I followed our usual Sunday routine: eggs for brunch, the Chicago Sunday Tribune spread all over the bed, and then a nap.

Relaxing at AllertonI told Nate I was glad our first home wasn’t in either of our home towns. That way we didn’t get swept into the weekend schedules of all the relatives but held more tightly to each other – a good way to start a marriage.

“He lets me rest in green meadows. He leads me beside peaceful streams.” (Psalm 23:2)