Category Archives: Marriage

Newlywed Love (#104)

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October 1-2, 1970

Indian Summer was over, and the first frost had blanketed Champaign. We were delighted to be using our fireplace again and often ate dinner in front of it.

Fireside dinnerBoth of us were glad we hadn’t succumbed to the summertime temptation to move. I had wanted to exchange our fireplace for Country Fair’s swimming pool, but now their pool was closed after just 3 months – and we would get to enjoy cozy fires for the next 6 months.

We continued our evening walks (dressed in jackets and shoes now) while talking about the many decisions we would soon have to make. When our lease ran out in August of 1971, we’d be moving… but where? Which city? What address? And would Nate be a civilian, or would the Army own him? If the Army, where would he be stationed? Which state? Or… the worst question mark of all… would he be sent to Vietnam?

If he wasn’t on active duty, might he be working at a law job? And just to be prepared for this possibility, when should he take the Bar Exam? Would he pass it on the first try? And if not, where would he work before being able to re-take the exam? And where would I be working? Without certification and with provisional openings now eliminated, what would I be doing?

UncertaintyNate and I would lie awake in bed long into the night pondering these questions. But no matter how we guessed what might happen, not one question had a firm answer. The process was exhausting, and though we knew God would eventually replace every question mark with a period, the not-knowing was wearing.

Finally, we decided the best approach would be to dwell on whatever had been decided – the things without question marks.

Our faith in Christ came first and was strong. We were being spiritually nourished at our church and enjoyed a mentor-type relationship with Pastor Ralph and his wife Lottie. We had supportive, loving families on both sides and a bright future. And with friends galore, our calendar was full of happy get-togethers.

As we talked quietly in the safety and comfort of each other’s arms, we counted our marriage as one of the very best things without a question mark. Our newlywed year was almost over, and through the months we had become more and more attached, never bored or frustrated. Actually, there were many days when we just couldn’t get enough of each other.

TogethernessBoth of us felt free to be ourselves with no need to play any relationship games, which made for a stress-free marriage and a happy home. Though the list of questions loomed large and sometimes seemed to threaten, as we drifted off to sleep their influence almost always faded — having given way to the rock-solid affirmations that didn’t have any question marks at all — and never would.

“You have been called to live in freedom… Use your freedom to serve one another in love.” (Galatians 5:13)

Newlywed Love (#103)

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September 28-30, 1970

After my harrowing drive home from work, the next morning Nate made an announcement. “I’m going with you to Danville today.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ll never see those two guys again,” I said.

My safe place“I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

I loved him for loving me in this kind way, so rather than fighting it, I just enjoyed his presence all day – and had fun showing him off to the staff. He loved chatting with “my children” and found them to be as charming as I did.

 

When the weekend finally came, I couldn’t wait for Sunday school and hoped Martin would be there. Though both of us knew he wouldn’t dare insult the pastor again, the whole class had loved watching Nate elevate truth over lies.

Martin and his wife did attend, but he remained quiet. Later I wrote in my journal, “Today they didn’t get into any verbal battles. Too bad.”

On Sunday afternoon, I began typing Nate’s endless pages of Estate Planning papers. Difficult as that was with so many 50-cent words, at the end of several hours I felt a deep satisfaction in having worked in tandem with my husband. And for once, rather than him always helping me, I’d finally been able to help him.

Our financial woes continued, despite my teaching checks coming in regularly again. I earned about two-thirds of what I’d made in the Chicago schools, and we were way behind in tuition payments.

One day I got an idea. I would try to sell some articles to magazines. It wouldn’t pay much, but even a little would help. So I resurrected my college writing files, including several “A”- graded assignments from a writing class during senior year. Without much trouble, they could be polished into articles that might sell.

Nate down-played our poverty. “At least we don’t have to buy anything for our apartment,” he said. “Remember what it was like last year at this time?”

Silver and crystalIt had been mostly empty then, our footsteps echoing on the hardwood floors. Now it was warm and inviting, and we lacked for nothing. Actually, because of wedding gifts, we had a hutch full of silver, crystal, and china that looked out of place in the home of two poverty-stricken newlyweds.

One evening the pastor came over, and I served him his coffee in a bone china cup with a sterling spoon on the saucer. He ate his piece of cake from a silver plate and had a linen napkin in his lap. “Oh my!” he said when I put it all down in front of him.

But the truth was, we had wanted to have him over for dinner but had had to settle for “just dessert” instead, because we didn’t have enough money to buy the meat. All we had were hot dogs — silver, crystal, and hot dogs.

But we were happy, and a far better income was almost visible as we stepped closer to 1971. We could make it till then.

“In all toil there is profit.” (Proverbs 14:23)

Newlywed Love (#102)

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September 26, 1970

(Continued….)

As two young men in a small car continued to follow me home from school, my fear grew. I tried to make sense of their tailgating, puzzling over what their intentions were and why they picked me.

Driving.Gut instinct told me I might be in some real trouble. Had they just randomly seen me as I turned onto the expressway ramp? Or had they watched me get into my car in the school parking lot? Did they know where I worked?

One thing was sure: I couldn’t lead them to where I lived. But where would I go?

Questions tumbled into my mind, distracting me from driving. I was in the left lane going 80 mph in a car that sounded like it was about to explode when their car came alongside on the right, both men glaring at me. I tried not to look, not to show fear.

When I was half way home, they swerved to my other side, coming up on the left. This was really dangerous, since they were then driving on the shoulder.

I wished with all my might a squad car would come out of nowhere with lights flashing to pull them over for reckless driving. When I saw a giant light pole coming in their path, I thought they were going to crash right into it! But they swerved back on the highway just in time.

Police carI had read that if something like this ever happened, a driver should cause a minor accident to force another car and a “normal” driver into the situation – and also bring the police.

But snatching glances at the cars around me, I knew if I caused a crash, it would be fatal. We were going too fast. My heart was in my throat, and I began to think about Nate. Oh how I wished he was with me! What sensible thing would he suggest?

Dark despair flooded me. “Oh God!” I shouted. “Please, please help me! I don’t know what to do!”

We continued on, and as we came within 10 miles of home, very suddenly these men pulled to the far right and zoomed off an exit ramp — and they were gone! I felt like wailing with relief but knew I had to hold myself together to get safely home.

As I got off the highway several miles later, I came to the first stop sign of my journey and went to downshift. That’s when I realized I’d driven 40 miles at high speed with the car in 2nd gear the whole way. No wonder it had resisted my push on the gas pedal and sounded so loud! Oh, how I hoped I hadn’t ruined the engine.

I pulled in front of our building and raced up the steps two at a time, bursting through the door and throwing myself into Nate’s arms – and the anguished wailing came out.

He held me tightly, waiting for me to calm down enough to tell him – and after I did, I stayed wrapped in that place of safety for a long, long time.

photo strip“They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me. He led me to a place of safety.” (Psalm 18:18-19)