Category Archives: Marriage

Newlywed Love (#83)

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August 7, 1970

 

By the end of the week, my summer school commitments had come to an end. No more student teaching or seminars, and I was one step closer to official certification. Despite my initial bad attitude, I’d learned a great deal and was eager to try it all out on my kindergarteners when the school year kicked off after Labor Day.

NewspapersNate’s summer wasn’t going as well. The paper route was an increasing burden, and because of it, he was behind in his law classes. “I have to eliminate something,” he said. “I’m just not sure what.”

Being hard-up for money helped make the decision. We still had hope that if he kept the paper route, many of his customers would eventually pay-up, allowing us to become solvent again. By now he was owed $500, a sizeable fortune.

And so he dropped one of his classes, a disappointment to him and also to me, since it meant his fall semester would be heavier. But dropping a class wouldn’t harm his record, and rather than doing poorly in both, it would be better to do well in one.

Payment envelope.Since my schedule was being freed up, I took over his billing nightmare for the route, figuring out what each customer owed, writing out the envelopes, and putting them in order according to Nate’s 60-mile route. Because organizational chores were rock-bottom on my skill-set list, it took till 3:00 AM to get the job done the first time.

Nate kept pestering people to pay their bills and was gratified when any of them came forth with any amount at all. But by the end of the week we were still in debt for newspapers and rubber bands – a total wash for 5 weeks of labor.

StudyingBeing responsible only for his Estate Planning class, though, turned out to be satisfying for him, and he was able to catch up — confident he would bank an “A”.

At the end of the week we got word that Bervin, Mary, and my brother Tom were all coming to Champaign for my birthday (August 8). We loved having company and knew their visit would be a joy. Bervin had just secured his pilot’s license, so they planned to rent a plane and fly down – a thrilling development! We would be at the small Champaign airport to pick them up.

Lake of the WoodsNate’s family called too, saying they’d love to come for Nate’s birthday the following week (August 18) – his parents and brother Ken. So, with all these reasons to celebrate, we drove to nearby Lake of the Woods where the two of us picnicked, sunned, and swam, letting all the woes of the week wash away.

“Better one handful with rest than two handfuls with effort and a pursuit of the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 4:6)

Newlywed Love (#82)

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August 3, 1970

 

Always complimentingEvery so often Nate and I stopped to analyze our marriage, hoping to always stay up-to-date with each other’s feelings. Several friends had married and were sorry they’d done so, and we never wanted to get to that place.

 

After these analyzing conversations, I always recorded the results in my journal. That way we could refer back or even re-set if necessary. As we approached our 25th birthdays, we decided the time was right for another moment of scrutiny.

One reason I was looking forward to the conversation was to apologize for something. Nate had always been a champion at complimenting me –whether it was something I did or the way I looked. I loved it, especially since each compliment usually came with a hug and a few kisses.

As for me, I wasn’t good at reciprocating. I felt a deep admiration for Nate and never tired of looking at the man I thought was the most handsome in the world. I often wrote complimentary notes about him in my journal, but often these praises didn’t reach his ears.

We talked at length, and my entry that night summarized our conversation:

About complimenting

I went on about trying to be honest with each other so that not even the slightest uneasiness could develop between us. Nate told me he didn’t feel “un-complimented” and assured me it wasn’t an issue with him. “I feel your love in lots of other ways, not just in compliments,” he said.

He followed that up with a string of fresh compliments for me… saying he loved my openness in marriage and my desire to be a good wife. He thanked me for loving him and, as always, expressed gratitude that I said yes to marrying him.

I knew no matter how I tried, I’d never be able to match Nate’s expertise as a complimenter. So I figured the only thing to do was to keep trying. I started by giving him a compliment on the heels of the ones he’d just given me: “You’re so good at making me feel secure in your love.”

It wasn’t the greatest, since there was a “me” in it, but it was a start. And if worse came to worse, I could always read to him from my journal:

Marriage assessment

“Each one of us must please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” (Romans 15:2)

Newlywed Love (#80)

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July 28-31, 1970

Nate and I were learning that taking on a pet was a bigger commitment than we thought… especially a dog. We were both keen on keeping commitments in general, and part of that was doing the work connected to them. Tossing that to someone else made it their commitment, and that’s what we’d done to Mom and Dad with sweet Baron.

But we tabled those thoughts to tend to more urgent matters: selling the Mustang, finding an economical vehicle, studying hard, and running Nate’s paper route. This job, which began with such promise, had morphed into a disaster. Though Nate had faithfully made his deliveries, never missing a day, he hadn’t made a nickel.

Courier officeAt the end of the first week, his boss told him something he had probably purposely withheld: payment would come only as his customers paid him. At the office he showed Nate how to hand-write the bills on a payment envelope and band them to the papers once a week.

The problem was, virtually none of his customers actually paid. He had to walk up to each house, usually at dinner time when people were home, and plead for the money. It didn’t take long to learn that once a product had been received, a buyer was reluctant to pay for it.

This felt even worse than failing to sell pots and pans. After all, the people on his paper route had already agreed to buy the product. Worst of all, Nate had had to pay up front for all the newspapers, purchasing each bundle before going on his route. He also had to pay for the required rubber bands, and these expenses had up-ended our meager budget.

DollarsOne evening after delivering papers every day for almost 4 weeks, he returned empty from another bill-collecting trip. His frustration had reached the boiling point, and he erupted. “I’m basically giving the gift of a  free Courier subscription to each one of my customers – every week!” He stomped back and forth in his own protest march while venting his anger. “And then they slam doors in my face when I ask them to pay what they owe!”

“Well,” I said, trying to be positive, “you’ve collected $70 so far. At least that’s something.”

“But that went toward paying for papers and rubber bands!” he said. “And my boss is mad, because we’re still in the hole with him.” Nate was right, of course. It was a big mess.

In one last effort to lift his spirits I said, “Well, we may be poor, but at least we’re happy.”

Even as I said it, we both knew it was only half true. But there was one genuinely hopeful development – the Mustang. People were responding to our ad, several had come to see it, and two seemed almost ready to buy. “Maybe we can get a bidding war going over our polluted little car,” I said, hoping Nate would laugh at such an absurdity.

But he didn’t even smile.

“Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)