Category Archives: Marriage

Newlywed Love (#24)

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January 24-25, 1970

I had to hand it to Dad. Although he was born in 1899 and was two whole generations older than his children, he made every effort to understand them.

DadDad and I had a rocky relation- ship during my dating years, mostly about curfews and my choice of suitors. (It’s a wonder he didn’t kick me out of the house.) But beneath all that friction, I loved my father deeply and knew beyond all doubt he loved me, too. If I had a problem, I went to him first. Mom was always busy packing 48 hours of activity into 24, so slowing her down long enough for a serious talk wasn’t easy.

 

Dad, however, seemed to have time. If I presented a problem and asked his opinion, he didn’t shoot from the hip but gave careful thought to his answer. Even during the years when I was his problem child, he never brought up past skirmishes or held them against me.

And Dad never made sweeping judgments or labeled me – as “an irresponsible person” or “someone unable to make good decisions,” even when those things were true. And he never once pointed out the difficulty I was causing him. No matter what happened between us, he faithfully hoped for the best about me.

When Nate and I needed a second car (and need was the operative word), he wholeheartedly volunteered to help…. not just with the shopping but with finances, too.

A loving fatherHe believed in the value of education and was proud of his new son-in-law for pursuing a law degree, despite Nate’s temporary inability to provide financially for his wife. And Dad saw that facilitating a second car would be both an encouragement and a help.

After my Friday evaluation day at McKinley School, I packed a small bag, and Nate took me to the train station. Not satisfied with just waving goodbye, he came on the train with me, making sure I was seated in a safe place and then lifting my bag to the high rack. It was hard for both of us to say goodbye, but the delicious kisses helped.

The Illinois Central took me from Champaign to Chicago, and the subway from the Loop to the city’s northern border. From there I took the “L” train to Wilmette, where Dad was waiting at the end of the line. We walked into the house around 11:00 PM and found Mom happily preparing root beer floats to go with her cheerful welcome.

While enjoying our treat, Dad and I circled several used car ads in the Yellow Pages and mapped out a route for the next day. And when my head hit the pillow, my thoughts were of convertibles and four-on-the-floor.

The following morning Dad and I set off in a blizzard with high hopes. And sure enough, after slogging through heavy slush and brushing snow off scores of cars to see them better, we chose one:

Mustang.An all-black 1965 Mustang with red leather interior! (example, right)

 

 

It was 5 years old but had low miles, and both Dad and I were pleased. I knew Nate would like its classy good looks, and my driving buddies would be happy not to have any more carpool emergencies — like when it was my turn to drive but Nate needed his car.

I couldn’t wait to show my husband! It wasn’t a convertible like my first two cars, but it definitely had some “cool.”

“Seek [the Lord’s] will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:6)

Newlywed Love (#23)

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January 23, 1970

Nate and I were both energized over the prospect of getting the second car we needed, and I looked forward to seeing my folks. Talking at length about what I should look for when Dad and I went shopping, we agreed it should be something economical but with a little “cool”…. if possible.

Before that exciting weekend, however, I had to meet with Principal Scarce about my teacher evaluation. The day he had visited my classroom, the children had been full of zip, talking over each other and refusing to act in orderly ways. I watched him write things down and wondered if those were marks against me.

Pencil

There had been a skirmish in the cloakroom that day, and Mr. Scarce had volunteered to settle it. By “settle it” he meant bring the guilty parties to me. In 10 seconds he appeared with a firm grip on the shoulders of two boys. Waiting for me to dish out the discipline, he frowned when I told the boys we would talk about it after the principal’s visit.

As Mr. Scarce sat in the back of the room, I saw my students (and myself) through different eyes – highly critical ones. Why was I so loosey-goosey? Why wasn’t I a better disciplinarian? I beat myself up for not having taught them to take turns better and to sit quietly when I was talking. And why hadn’t I made a seating chart rather than letting the kids sit anywhere?

But his classroom visit was a done deal now.

Evaluation (front).As I arrived at his office, he told me he’d judged me on 20 different points and then summarized it with a numerical grade, 1-5 — 1 being superior, 5 being poor. I decided the best approach during the conference would be for me to say as little as possible.

We sat down with his grading sheet, and I was relieved to see he’d circled quite a few number 1’s. I did get a 3, though, indicating I wasn’t “punctual and regular in the performance of duty.” That may have been because Linda, Judy, and I often came racing into school at the last minute, thanks to our long commute and unpredictable snowstorms.

He also thought I could use tests and test results better and become more familiar with my students through their cumulative records. I didn’t think first graders had had much time to accumulate records, but I nodded and said nothing. As for a seating chart, I came out ahead on that one. He left the line blank.

Evaluation (back)He also said I wasn’t the greatest at cooperating with attempts to adjust curriculum through experimentation. What he didn’t know was that every day was an experiment. My students were lucky to be learning anything from such an inexperienced teacher. Tempted to make that joke, I bit my lip and stayed quiet.

When Mr. Scarce flipped over the evaluation page, he read me what he’d written: “Mrs. Nyman is doing a fine job in her assignment. Pupil growth is evident. She maintains a classroom that is an exciting place to be. Her pupils are eager to learn and they are progressing well.”

And then he pointed to his summary grade. “I gave you a 1,” he said. I could have hugged him.

It was a pleasure to sign the form, and I was grateful.

“…. in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

Newlywed Love (#22)

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January 21, 1970

Nate's noteAfter Nate’s law school quarter ended mid-January, he and the other students got a few days off before beginning a new round of classes. He used those days to intensify his search for a part-time job and also to secure all the textbooks he’d need.

I would have waited till the first day of school to crack open the books, but not Nate. He aggressively went after the first week’s assignments and began work on the mountain of reading as soon as he knew what it was.

I was impressed with his diligence, but he said everybody else would be doing the same thing.

TextbooksAnyone who wasn’t prepared on that first day would surely be singled out by the professor for a grilling –-  “…my worst nightmare,” Nate had said. I thanked the Lord I wasn’t a grad student. I also thanked him for a smart husband — something I considered to be very sexy.

And then one day as I walked in from work, Nate greeted me with his biggest, most handsome smile. “Guess what! You’re looking at a newly hired tax man!”

He’d just received the good word that he would be doing income taxes for people. The job would evaporate as soon as tax season ended on April 15, but it would pay pretty well till then. Our stranglehold finances would open up just enough to let us breathe, and the work seemed perfectly suited to Nate.

Doing taxes would take him away from me for more of each week, and with fewer study hours, his stress level would rise, but I promised to do my part to ease his burdens.

We got another piece of good news later that same evening. Dad called and said that if we were willing to drive to Wilmette for the weekend, he would help us shop for a second car. We’d been limping along for weeks with one car between us, scrambling to meet the demands of wildly varied schedules. And with my carpooling duties, it was usually Nate who came up short.

With the new job and ongoing study commitments, though, it was impossible for him to take the weekend away. But, as he put it, with Dad and the Lord monitoring the car hunt and purchase, I would be in good hands.

Used car lot.Both of us had the strong confidence that I would return to Champaign driving a new-used car at the end of the weekend, so wisdom dictated I take the train to Wilmette rather than drive. I’d used that train often when we were dating and knew the ropes. That would leave Nate with wheels over the weekend, and of course I couldn’t drive both cars back to Champaign anyway.

Neither of us liked the idea of being apart for that long, but at the end of our separation, we hoped we’d have an exciting reason to celebrate. We prayed together that God would protect Dad and I from any dishonest car salesmen and would lead us to a fairly-priced, reliable vehicle.

“If you… know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him?” (Matthew 7:11)