Category Archives: Marriage

Young Love (#62)

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Although the distance between Nate and I was taking its toll, graduation and the end of his Army stint were finally coming into view. We could also see God’s gifts of encouragement and blessing in each day, things like my mother’s letter to Nate and all 4 parents having embraced our plans to marry in November.

I still didn’t have a teaching position in Champaign, but that didn’t stop us from planning to move me down there regardless, even if I had to go back to waitressing. We were done with being apart.

rose-colored-glassesNate began to wax eloquent in his letters as he described me, writing down his every positive thought. Of course he was looking through the rose colored glasses of a passionate love, which made some of his statements enormously exaggerated. But I’ll share them here anyway:

 

July 14, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I want to tell you something I’ve known for quite a while but am first writing here. Due to my mother’s and grandmothers’ decency, probity, grace and faith, I have always had a high idea of women in general. My standards for dates have inevitably been high – both in terms of morals and manners. Meg, you have surpassed any of my best dreams!

banana-splitJuly 14, 1969 – Dear Nate. You just called me! I am so exhilarated that I feel like running out and buying a banana split! You couldn’t possibly have called at any better moment. Tonight I needed a conversation with you more than ever. I feel like enclosing a check, not necessarily to pay for the phone call, but just because you are terrific, and I want to express it by giving you some money! I love, love, LOVE you, and I’m yours completely, now and forever.

July 14, 1969 – Dearest Meg. You have surpassed my dating standards for these reasons: you are religious without being religiose, arrogant or preachy; you demonstrate your faith; you are generous with your time and physical affection; you understand my needs, wants, and aspirations; you comfort me and build me up; you’ve never have a snippy period without an apology, obviously genuine; you are a beautiful woman… with only a few faults, all outweighed by virtues; you are physically attractive yet not vain; you always compliment my looks and clothes, which makes me receptive to your suggestions on grooming; and your creativity astounds me. Oh, I love you!

sparkling-ringJuly 14, 1969 – Dear DEAR Nate! A short while ago, as I was driving home with my hand on the steering wheel, the sun caught my ring, and all the colors of the rainbow flashed up at me. It’s so beautiful, and I love it so much! Thank you for giving it to me!

July 15, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Today I’m thinking about your regard for your folks and their feelings as you go home to help them prepare for their move. I love your elemental Christian concern for them. I also admire your respect for your aunts and my folks and your solicitous inquiries about my brother. You are a considerate woman. These are just a few lines from your weekend warrior, fiancé, true love, future husband and father of your four babies – an extra letter to let you know I realize and appreciate your virtues and believe in you, feel totally secure in you, and miss you so bad I could cry like a little boy.

“The fruit of the Spirit is… patience.” (Galatians 5:22)

Young Love (#61)

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Although Nate’s letters didn’t indicate any uncertainties over the incident with my old boyfriend, surely it discouraged him. Part of the problem (for both of us) was our need to be together, which was frustrated by circumstances that wouldn’t allow it – and both of us were suffering as a result. I made an appointment with our pastor, thinking we could use his counsel, not just about the wedding ceremony but everything else, too. It was arranged in August, during family week at camp when Nate and I wouldn’t be counseling. Perfect timing.

July 17, 1969 – Dear Nate. Everything is all set to meet with Pastor Sweeting in a wedding “conference” set up for the Wednesday in August when we won’t be at camp. It will be good to talk to him. My roommate came home tonight after 2 weeks away, and I’m so glad. I’ve missed talking with her so much. Marti is a true friend. She was excited to see our ring and thinks it’s gorgeous. I get fonder and fonder of it every day, and fonder and fonder of my commitment to you every day, too! I need you with me in so many ways, but most of all because I love you soooo much!

July 17, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I think your old boyfriend knows now, completely and honestly, of our engagement, and I don’t feel further explanations can do anything – either be more considerate of his feelings or more explicit. I know you agree that any meeting with him is unfair to our relationship. I love you. Thank you for your letter. I understand your situation and think you handled him and his friend brilliantly. I’ll love you forever! And I hope you will come on Sunday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When it didn’t work out for me to visit that Sunday, Nate grew discouraged. But just when his spirits were lagging badly, he got a jolt of encouragement from an unlikely source:

my mom.

moms-letter-to-nate

Her letter (written with red ink on pink paper) arrived at Ft. Riley full of loving words and a welcome into our family. I didn’t know she’d planned to write him but was delighted when he phoned on a pre-arranged Saturday night call and read her words to me:

Dear Nathan: Thanks for your kind letter. Congratulations on your engagement to Margaret. May you have “the peace of God which passeth all understanding” in your life together. We lovingly welcome you into our family. The ring you gave your wife-to-be is exquisite: we are overwhelmed with its size.

From birth until even today, Margaret has been a “joy and light” in our home, truly a gift from God. In all likelihood, Meg will belong to you far longer than she’s been our little girl, but in your own well-chosen words, she will forever be “Margaret who we love.” Agreed? Settled!

the-letterWe love you likewise, dear Nathan.

It was a pleasure to meet your parents. Your mother wrote a sweet note to us, offering help with the wedding and in any area needed. Rest assured the Nymans and Johnsons are counting their mutual blessings in the union of their Nathan and our Margaret.

                      Fondly, Evelyn Johnson

 

“Love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)

Young Love (#60)

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My mind was racing a mile a minute as I opened the apartment door and saw my old boyfriend standing there with another guy. I had worked hard to get him out of my mind in previous weeks, but even with effort, there was still a shred of a bond between us. My hands began to shake, and I so wished Nate was standing beside me. But my partner was far away, and I had to deal with this alone.

Emotions are a tricky thing. Attachments from the past can be reawakened by a song, a scent, a picture. And the picture I saw standing in front of me was wreaking havoc in my mind. The only thing to do was leave the room until I could get some measure of control.

a-bathroomI excused myself to the bathroom where I cried out to a God I knew would hear me and rescue me. I asked for a calm, logical spirit to be able to cope with my spinning thoughts and the two young men standing in my living room.

Now… to continue quoting from my letter of explanation to Nate, who was hundreds of miles away:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

God heard my prayer and calmed me down considerably, enough to go back to converse with them. I asked what they were doing downtown, and it was less than a minute when they suddenly noticed my engagement ring. He [old boyfriend] said, “Hey! Wait a minute! What’s this?” And grabbed my hand. I was so proud to tell them of our engagement, about when it happened, and when our wedding would be. I was bursting with joy over you, in my words to them. He just couldn’t believe we were engaged. They invited me to go out with them (saying we would celebrate the engagement), and though we did leave the apartment briefly, we were back in minutes. He was quite sullen and quiet after he’d seen our ring and quickly became anxious to leave. I was relieved to see them go, so that I could get with the Lord in prayer and go back to 1 John. God confirmed for me immediately the rightness of our marriage and my ever-growing love for you, my future husband. I love you so much! YOUR Meg.

July 15, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Would you be up for coming down here on Sunday just for the day (20 July), if I can confirm it in a phone call? I really want to be with you. I miss you. I will try to call you Saturday, 19 July, in the early evening. You were very honest with me about your boyfriend’s visit, how long it lasted, and that he saw your ring and now realizes the completeness of the engagement. I love your honesty and your beautiful soul (praying in the bathroom) so much that I could cry. I am confident he has high enough regard for our decision to respect it by leaving us alone now. If the devil was testing you, you passed with Christ’s blessing! Excellent! I’m proud of you!

July 16, 1969 – Dear Nate. You are amazing, the way you love me no matter what. I’ve never known someone who loves like that… except, of course, the Lord. I am longing to have you with me. I need you! I’m glad we decided to get married earlier rather than later. The distance between us isn’t helping anything.

July 16, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I am very secure in your love and loyalty. I’m glad we made the decision to have each other only, and no others in any capacity on the side – that we realized lateral relationships can destroy a marriage. You’re a fabulous Christian woman. I love you! I love you, no matter what.

“So will I ever sing praises to Your name, as I perform my vows day after day.” (Psalm 61:8)