Category Archives: Marriage

Young Love (#19)

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Both Nate and I continued our letter-writing, often two or three a day, in an effort to keep the relationship current and growing despite the miles between us. I hadn’t yet told Nate I loved him, because I wasn’t sure I did. I also knew that once I said/wrote it, there would be no holding him back. He’d be at my door with a ring. As it was, each of his letters contained multiple “I love you’s” – one had 8 of them.

certain-of-loveAlthough his frame of mind was upbeat in every letter, my moods were all over the place, like a flapping flag on a windy day. But his confidence about our future together seemed to be enough to sustain us both. When I became disheartened, he remained positive, always sending encouragement through his written words.

Mar. 12, 1969 – Dear Meg. If you are discouraged, Mary and Bervin are excellent people for you to talk to. You ought to consider their opinions and consult them often. They can guide and comfort. Sisters who are close in age, education, faith matters, etc. have much to offer each other.

Mar. 12, 1969 – Dear Nate. If it wasn’t for your persistence in developing our relationship, where would we be? Probably a thing of the past. If things ever do work out for us, my happiness will actually be the result of your steady attitude. I do think that meeting your parents, going to your home, and understanding more of your life will be helpful influences on me.

Mar. 13, 1969 – Dear Meg. This afternoon I have ROTC drill at 4:00. I am First Sergeant, which means I call the company into formation, receive roll call, report it to the commander, and dismiss the four platoons. Some time we’ll have a talk about the Army, and I can explain some Army words (the nice ones, that is). I’m sorry you can’t come this weekend. I’ll bury myself in law books to forget…. But I’ll be sad anyway. I want to be with you as much as possible.

Mar. 13, 1969 – Dear Nate. Did I ever tell you that I like it when you call me “Meg?” Creativity runs through your life and personality.

Mar. 13, 1969 – Dear Meg. I miss you every hour, but this weekend as the pace of events slows, I’ll miss you more than ever. This fortnight without you is a torture. I love you. Love, Nate.

thinkingMar. 14, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m going to mention my old boyfriend again now – only because I don’t want you to worry about that situation. I want you to be aware of what’s going through my mind. He called and wanted to go out tonight for Chinese food and to play pool. But I’m not going. I think he’s getting bored with his new girlfriend and feels like he and I can get back together. I’m aware of the danger of that and don’t want to be more than “occasional friends.” We may go out some, but I think I could take it or leave it. I won’t ever go back to him as his girlfriend.

Mar. 15, 1969 – Dear Meg. You are certainly free to go out with him and any others. Thank you for your honesty. My parents will be here to meet you and eat with us Saturday at noon. I love you and love to hear that sweet voice over the phone. After that I can’t do anything but think of you for hours.

Mar. 15, 1969 – Dear Nate. I may be confused, but I’m happy. Because of God, I can rest in knowing He will guide me in my decision about marriage. I can thank Him in advance for making the right choice and also for taking care of your heart, and mine. We are lucky to belong together to Him.

“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love…” (Ephesians 4:1-2)

Young Love (#17)

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happyAlthough I was trying my best to get my old boyfriend out of my thoughts, his occasional re-appearance made it impossible. I found myself sinking back into the relationship, hoping he’d call, wondering if we could be “good buddies” without a romantic involvement. In my head I knew this wasn’t possible, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Nate continued to be steady, faithful, loving, and optimistic. The letters came more often, sometimes 3 a day. I responded almost daily and was grateful he hadn’t given up on me.

As for my church guy-friend, we were becoming closer with each passing week, but this began to bother him. He hadn’t planned on falling in love at this point in his life as he pursued his goal of becoming a foreign missionary. I also began to have doubts, wondering if I could be the wife he would need, and we agreed it might be a good idea to slow everything down. We kept going out, but put a ban on anything physical.

happyMar. 7, 1969 – Dear Meg. Don’t ever feel bad for me. I know I want you and will wait and will bear the pain or pleasure of your decision. There is no pressure on you for anything approaching an immediate decision. I want you only if you want me. I love you…smooch. I loved being with you. You’re a magnificent, blue-eyed beauty. And I promise to let you know about the military ball, and the date with my parents. I must get back to my law books. I love you. Love, Nate

Mar. 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. You are a truly upright and honest man. More than ever I am glad we were introduced to each other. And the longer I know you, the more valuable I consider our relationship. I, as yet, cannot define what we have; but each time we spend time together as we did this past weekend, I figure out a bit more.

Mar. 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. I realize that if I reject your request for marriage, I would never have the right to re-ask you back if I changed my mind. It would be too late. On the other hand, if I accept your offer of marriage, it would be almost impossible for me to reverse that decision. But when I spend time with you like we just did, so many things stand out: the way you talked respectfully to that pushy salesman; your being responsible by staying overnight in your dorm (with your men); your responsiveness to my questions, even the trivial ones; your creativeness in suggestions of things for us to do in Champaign, and many more.

allerton-parkMar. 8, 1969 – Dear Meg. Daydreaming in class is nothing new for me, but now it’s always of you. I really cherish our latest weekend together. This spring we should have a picnic at Allerton Park [mansion and grounds outside of Champaign, at right]. Food and love! Ah, what a combination. We had a nasty pistol whipping here Saturday night. One guy attacked two others with a gun and knife. Don’t worry.

Mar. 8, 1969 – Dear Meg. Your letter was superb! I read it three times. Under the aegis of the Lord, our relationship grows. Walking by faith in the unseen is important. Meg, I love you. I will be patient in courting and counseling the woman I want to marry. I grieve that your confusion hurts you, but it is in the Lord’s life-plan for you. If crying helps, cry a little… but you have all the time in the world. I could hug and kiss you forever, with time out for breathing.

“Encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Young Love (#15)

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As February moved into March, the letters increased and often passed each other as they traveled south and north. Sometimes two would arrive on the same day. Nate’s longing to have a reciprocated love relationship was evident, but I couldn’t bring myself to commit. My church friend was saying some lovely things to me, too – “I really enjoy being with you and would love to spend more time together.”

From the journal:

I’m a little shaken when I think about the insecurity of my romantic situation. There is still (my church friend) who I’m not dismissing as a possibility for a deeper relationship in the future. Then there is the gung-ho Nate Nyman who is sure he wants to marry me. I think I’m growing to love him back, but the thought of marriage scares me silly!

Feb. 25, 1969 – Dear Nate. It’s 10:00 PM, and I’ve just returned from a shopping spree to have dinner at long last. And boy oh boy, does it taste good… a liver sausage sandwich with lettuce, hot tea, and jello for dessert (and about 6 peanut butter cookies thrown in on the sly).

liver-sausage

Feb. 26, 1969 – Dear Nate. Since January when I moved into the apartment, I’ve gained 5 pounds. I feel fat. I need to concentrate and lose those pounds. I’ve always had an inferiority complex about my weight, especially about the chubby cheeks that dominate my face. My roommate was a huge help to me tonight as we talked about it. When I moved in here, I found a true friend.

Feb. 28, 1969 – Dear Meg. I think of you when I try to read law. I remember your softness and gentleness, and the good warm feeling I get holding you. I want to set that weekend dinner with my parents soon. I need to be with you.

gung-ho-nateFeb. 28, 1969 – Dear Nate. It’s very important to me that my family and friends get more familiar with you. I haven’t decided if that’s an immature characteristic or not. If you think it isn’t, let me know. If you think it’s immature, don’t tell me. (Just joshing.) Please counsel me and guide me in all such matters, as you feel led. If we ever got married, you’d have to counsel me endlessly – not a very bright prospect for you.

Mar. 1, 1969 – Dear Meg. I’m going to wear that fabulous knit tie to church on Sunday. Thank you again! Campus is a stick of dynamite. I fully expect fires, sniping, and the National Guard. Again last night I prayed for us. I love you, Meg.

Mar. 1, 1969 – Dear Nate. You’ll never realize how much I value your letters, including the time you put into writing and mailing them. My large kindergarten class has to perform in an all-school assembly, and guess who has been pressed into playing the piano? We’ve been spending lots of time in the assembly hall practicing. But they’re all adorable, no matter how they perform.

textbooksMar. 2, 1969 – Dear Meg. My law courses this semester are: Evidence, Corporations, Administrative Law, Commercial Law, and Constitutional Law. But it can all be very boring. I love you.

Mar. 3, 1969 – Dear Meg. You have studiously avoided saying “I love you” to me. I know you want to be absolutely sure before you say it. Take your time, please. I never want to pressure you. Those three words are the indication I wait for. If it’s God’s will that those words come from your lips, then things will firm up in a practical way. If I have to wait a year to know your feelings, it’s OK with me. But I’d like to have you down here next year as a wife. I pray for us daily. I love you.

“The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.” (Isaiah 58:11)