Category Archives: Marriage

Young Love (#11)

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As I contemplated moving into an apartment and being on my own for the first time, Nate kept his nose to the grindstone, focused on getting good grades in law school and, as always, being responsible. I, on the other hand, was living in the now, bent on having fun with friends.

Still uncertain about any future with Nate, I continued to go out with other boys every chance I got. My journal at the end of January includes a list of future marriage possibilities based on the guys I’d dated in the previous weeks. There were 8 names on the list.

kindergarten-girlsJan. 13, 1969 – Dear W.N.N. [Willard Nathan Nyman]. I’m sitting in the midst of all my kindergarteners, letting them have an extra long play time so I can write to you. I’m really tired today after an overloaded week without time to turn around, much less clip my toenails or anything useful.

(My kindergarteners, left and below)

 

kindergarten-boysI’ve been going out every night as if I’m still on Christmas vacation but then have to rise at 6:00 each morning. But I have decided to move in with those 3 girls. And it’s happening tonight! I hope some of their sophistication and culture will rub off on me.

 

Jan. 15, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m sitting at the dining room table in our apartment, and 2 of my 3 roommates are exercising to a cha-cha record. (We all just had hot fudge sundaes.) It’s so fun living here! I’ve been praying a lot about us, not that you and I will end up married, but that we’ll discover and follow the directions of our Lord. I hope you’re still open-minded about other girls, as I am about other boys. Although I’m really enjoying all the dating I’m doing, I still feel the same good way about you, Nate.    Margaret/Meg

Jan. 17, 1969 – Dear Meg. Want to hear a commercial? Here it goes: wear your safety belt. If accidents happened only to those at fault, you’d be safe for an eternity. But careless people can hurt the careful, and Meg wasn’t meant to be injured. Please…..   Love, Nate.

commercial

Jan. 20, 1969 – Dear Nate. My parents are going to Nixon’s prayer breakfast on Thursday in Washington. I’m glad they decided to go. I wish I could go, too. Are you still praying about our relationship? Please don’t give up. I’m going through greater turmoil than usual about you.

love-nateJan. 23, 1969 – Dear Meg. Your roomies are great. How lucky you are to have Christian girls for roommates. And they’re pretty lucky too! I envy them very much. I got a call just now from a boy here who flunked out of school to run a restaurant. He was crying! His folks came down from Chicago today, and they argued. I am going to see him later. It’s a tragedy when a student making good grades quits.

“Aim at what is honorable not only in the Lord’s sight but also in the sight of man.” (2 Corinthians 8:21)

Young Love (#10)

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Having had a successful connection after Christmas, Nate and I continued writing long-distance. He went back to classes, and I went back to teaching. My church friend continued to ask me out – to the Lincoln Park Zoo, Campus Crusade rallies, and long walks. We often went to his apartment and made a meal together, with or without his two roommates present.

foolin-aroundAbout this time two other guys, also from church, began to show interest. Eventually there was a third. I went out with all of them and recall one particular Saturday when I had 3 dates on one day – in the afternoon (a basketball game), in the evening (a movie), and after midnight (ice skating on a lakefront rink).

More than anything else, this dating frenzy was probably about me being too goofy to make a permanent commitment to anyone, as I began to feel that kind of heat from Nate. Amidst all of these shenanigans, the one honorable thing I did was tell him about all of these boys. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also didn’t want to lie by omission. And I continued to pray for God’s guidance.

Jan. 9, 1969, afternoon – Dear Meg. I’m glad we agreed to be completely honest and frank with each other. Let me explain about my attitude. It is patient and understanding. The fact that you like other guys and want to date them is very sweet and healthy. And while I am on this subject, you know that I wish you the very best. And if you told me tomorrow you were marrying another man, I would accept it and still like you.

thoughtfulJan. 9, 1969, evening – Dear Meg. A second letter today for you! We are in different stages of our lives, little girl. You are finished with school, are not facing the draft, and are working. The next big event in such a pretty woman’s life is marriage. And it is quite natural that she should spend her free time dating and looking for a husband. I am still in law school, have homework and ROTC and counseling to keep me very busy and fatigued. If I had ever even remotely been so selfish as to suggest you not date other men, you ought to bounce a glass bowl off the top of my head. Have a good time… and pray.

Jan. 10, 1969 – Dear Nate. Guess what! I’ve just gotten an offer from three girls from church to move in with them in their Chicago apartment! Their 4th girl just got married, leaving a vacancy. Though I don’t know any of them, I think living with them would be a blast. Their place is a “garden apartment” (basement) but has a few high windows where people’s feet can be seen walking by on the sidewalk. I’m going to meet them tonight and talk it over.

Jan. 11, 1969 – Dear Meg. One final word on understanding: I think we’ve been through many changes in our attitudes towards each other. I’m not ready for engagement or marriage either, but I do like you very much. And no matter how many others there are, you will always be a good friend, saying what you think to me without fear of hurting me.

Jan. 12, 1969 – Dear Meg. You’ll really love living with a bunch of girls — especially from church.

“Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.” (Proverbs 4:25)

Young Love #9

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On Dec. 27, as I readied for Nate’s long-anticipated arrival, my thoughts were a mix of confusion and expectation. I prayed, asking God to make it a good weekend. And I pleaded with Him to let me know what He wanted for us in terms of any relationship. Lastly, I asked Him to take thoughts of my old boyfriend’s visit out of my mind so I could make an honest assessment of Nate.

From my journal:

blizzardDec. 27, 1968 – When Nate walked in the door, I was surprised at how glad I was to see him. He was in shape and looked good. After dinner and a movie, we walked all over town in the beauty of a blizzard, holding hands. He asked me if I was willing to take off the glove on the hand he was holding, and he took his off, too. He said he wanted to touch my soft skin. I was pleased to be with him, and when he kissed me out there in the snow, I was surprised at my own willingness. We discussed the whole thing as it was happening. He’s definitely a different kind of boy.

He told me he was fairly sure we would be a good match in a marriage. I suppose we would. Our backgrounds are similar, family is important, and he loves children. He’s ambitious, intelligent, has his military situation under control, and is handsome. Of course marriage must include love, which is (as of yet) absent for me. But when I think of the different guys I’ve had in my life, I consider Nate in his own class.

chocolatesOct. 28, 1968 – Nate left today after presenting Mom with a two-pound box of chocolates. He’s got the etiquette all right. Bervin and Mary said they were impressed. I’ll admit… I was, too.

Back to the letters:

Dec.30, 1968 – Dear Meg. I really enjoyed being with you last weekend. I don’t know what the Lord will do about our relationship in the future, but I loved the way He guided it last weekend. Maybe we can discuss each other’s detailed reactions in later letters. And perhaps in person, when my finals are over in late January. Happy New Year 1969!  Love, Nate

Jan. 2, 1969 – Dear Nate. After thinking it over, I’ve decided the smartest, safest thing for us to do about our relationship is to completely leave it in the hands of the Lord. Because of my experience with (my old boyfriend), I’ve decided to quit trying to handle my own fate. Anyway, would you like to go on a “prayer campaign” by praying 5 minutes every day that the Lord’s decision about you and I would have the greatest priority? I want to be extremely cautious as we sort out our feelings. A broken heart, either yours or mine, isn’t worth it. Please expound on your honest feelings.

Jan. 5, 1969 – Dear Meg. Yes, prayer is the best course for us… solemn requests for divine assistance. I have prayed for you many times, and now I will pray for us. My finals end the 17th, but I must stay here until the 23rd when undergrad exams end. The Head Resident might let me away for the 18th. I would like to come to Wilmette. How does that sound? Answer very good. And keep praying.      Nate.

Jan. 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. Yes, I would like you to come again. Maybe you could visit me while I’m teaching. The children would love it. Or, if you can’t come here, I could come to Champaign. Maybe you’d better give me a phone number where I can reach you, if need be.

“Be kind to one another.” (Ephesians 4:32)