Seven Years Ago

November 3rd will always be an important day for our family. It’s the day we encircled Nate’s bed and released him from this world to head into the next – a most painful experience.

Today, 7 years later, our grown children and I can talk about Nate without that pain. Instead we’ve shared memories and expressions of gratitude today. We’ve enjoyed a spirit of celebration connected to the man who played such major roles in our lives. And we’ve acknowledged that he was given to us just for that time. On God’s calendar, everything worked out perfectly, which included Nate’s November 3rd departure.

img_0636-1Recently, as I cleaned a small store room in our basement, I came across an old, stained cardboard box. I’ve kept careful track of this box for nearly 50 years, because I’ve known what was inside: letters written between Nate and I from the time we first met till we were married. It was the chronicle of our love story – detailing how it grew from friendship into love, then from dating into marriage.

And so, these many decades later, it seemed like a good time to open the box and re-read the narrative.

I cleared the dining room table and cut the old tape, allowing the letters to slip out – a treasure trove of communication sent between Nate and I from 1966 through 1969.

Since we lived many miles apart when we first met and later while we were dating, the only option back then was to wait in line for time on a shared telephone or to write letters. Besides, phone use was expensive, but mail needed only a 3-cent stamp. As a result, our love story is all in writing.

Since the letters weren’t in any special order, the first thing to do was organize them by date. Luckily, Nate was a guy who dated virtually everything. And when I was finished sorting, I counted them all – 438!

438-letters

What a delight it was to take several days to read through them, remembering things I hadn’t thought about in decades. Nate knew he wanted to marry me shortly after we met. But I was just getting involved with someone else, not ready for any serious commitment.

img_3938So, going through these old letters reminded me of three of Nate’s finest character qualities: endurance, perseverance, and faithfulness. Though he knew what he wanted (me), he patiently endured my year-long uncertainty about him. Even when I wrote about the virtues of the other guy, Nate persevered with kindness, giving me the freedom and time to make my own decision. He never tried to “talk me into” liking him best, but simply waited…. and waited…. faithfully sending a letter every single day.

(Tomorrow: excerpts from a love story)

Love “….always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Please stay.

Muffin tinWhile Emerald happily played with my button collection and a couple of muffin tins, I studied something else in the mix: my husband’s shirt stays.

Nate liked his business shirts starched till they were almost stiff. When we were first married and he was still a law school student, washing and ironing the all-cotton shirts of that era wasn’t high on his agenda. So he wore a professionally laundered/starched shirt every day. When I hugged him, he crinkled.

Gradually I convinced him to let me do his laundry, and a bit of spray starch with an iron seemed to work just as well. Most of his shirts were button-down at the collar. Those tiny little buttons, almost too small for man-sized fingers, kept collars perfectly straight. But eventually cotton button-downs morphed into button-free collars on shirts made of soft perma-press fabric. That’s when the stays came in.

Buttons and staysEach collar corner had a tiny narrow pocket sewn into it, just big enough for a plastic stay. Those collar points would then stay perfectly flat and stiff…. without any starch.

Over the years I found scores of these stays in the bottom of my wash machine after Nate or I would forget to remove them before washing his shirts. That, apparently, was why they were made of indestructible plastic.

As I fingered those stays today I thought about how nice it would be if we had something like body-stays to help us stand up straight and defy gravity’s tug over years of time. Even better than that, though, would be spiritual stays.

If we had those, there’d be no such thing as backsliding in our faith or losing our first-love enthusiasm for the Lord. We’d never feel blue over a discouraging situation, because nothing could “wrinkle” our bright hope in Christ. In other words, our spiritual stays would work to keep our faith from “wilting,” no matter what was going on around us.

Of course if we consulted God about this, asking for the equivalent of spiritual stays, he’d probably say, “You already have the one spiritual stay you need, the one I gave you years ago. It’s actually a collection of stays that far surpasses even the biggest collection of buttons.

Stay here“They come in the form of my words, and they’re kept not in a baggie with buttons but in the safety of the Bible. If you tuck several of them into each of your days, responding to life according to what they say, your faith will never wrinkle or wilt. And if you’re willing to ‘stay’ with Me in that way, I’ll always ‘stay’ with you.”

 “If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.” (Isaiah 7:9)

Step 1. Step 2

My husband was a cerebral guy, well-read in history, politics, current events, literature, almost everything. His intellect was one of the things that first attracted me to him, probably because most of us look for a mate who’s equipped where we are lacking.

But Nate proved over the years that he was also capable of developing an adventurous streak. It was only a streak, since adventure wasn’t his natural bent. But once he was married and raising a family, the situation often called for it.

Nate raftingNate carving.During our dating years, if I’d have told him he’d be white-water rafting down the Colorado River or carv- ing pumpkins in his business suit or compet- ing to win at kid’s games, he’d have had a good laugh.

Nate competing

Hindsight is 20/20, and when I look back at our shared history, I see how adaptable he was. He took to marriage well, and never allowed me off the pedestal he put me on the day we were married.

Clowning aroundHe got “goofy” when he sensed his kids would appreciate it and if coaxed, would set aside serious pursuits to clown around.

Most widows look back and appreciate their men in fresh ways after they’ve gone. It’s the old adage that we don’t fully appreciate what we have till we’ve lost it. I’m no exception and am thankful for Nate in all kinds of ways I never acknowledged while he was alive. Like his willingness to adapt. Thoughts of “wishing him back” stem from a desire to express gratitude for what I left unsaid at the time.

In thinking about this, I also think of the most important relationship in my life, the one with the Lord. Am I noticing and being grateful for his many blessings? And am I following through with voiced appreciation to him? Thankfully with God, it’s never too late to verbalize thanks.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss, in her book Choosing Gratitude, says there are two parts to being grateful: realizing it and voicing it. “Gratitude is learning to recognize [#1] and express [#2] appreciation for the benefits we receive from God and from others.” That means being intentional about letting what’s in our hearts “come out!” *

Step 1. Step 2.

Most of us don’t have trouble identifying reasons to be thankful. It’s that second step where we fall short, the one I regret not stepping into more often with Nate.

Scripture consistently exhorts us to be thankful, and one verse in particular (below) hints at moving the message from inside-to-outside. First get a joyful heart (by being grateful) and then voice thanks. Always.

“Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks…” (Ephesians 5:19-20)

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