Category Archives: Marriage

Wisdom from Dr. Seuss

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The Curington FamilyMy webmaster, son-in-law Adam, is an ongoing blessing to me, not just because he manages GettingThroughThis.com but because he’s a young man walking close to God and through that is a good example to everyone around him. He’s also a dedicated husband to my daughter Linnea and a committed father to Skylar, Micah, and Autumn, all-in on that big job.

Adam has served not only as webmaster but also as my stalwart encourager. Once in a while people mention “my advanced computer skills,” and I quickly deliver the truth. Each web site task has been painstakingly learned through trial and error (think error and more error) at the expense of Adam’s gentle supervision. He doesn’t lose patience with my re-asking the same questions but re-answers as if I’d never asked.

If it wasn’t for Adam, this blog wouldn’t exist, and for more reasons than one, I’m glad it does. If it didn’t, I’d be missing out on the wealth of blessing funneling back through readers. Emails and comments embedded with nuggets of gold go to my “Interesting things to file” folder, an ever-growing file of gems.

And here’s an example:

Linda, a cyber-acquaintance, is traveling through the painful “firsts” of new widowhood after losing her husband of 37 years. She wrote to me of her love for him and how he had put her needs ahead of his own, one of the most difficult tasks anyone can tackle. She misses him intensely but is determined to remain above negativity.

Dr. Seuss Logo

She wrote, “A quote by Dr. Seuss is my new mantra: ‘Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.’ I’m choosing not to be mad at God, and I’m thankful for the love I enjoyed for so long, choosing not to be ungrateful because it ended.”

 

Linda has the right idea: (1) choosing not to be mad at God, and (2) being thankful for her husband’s love.

Interestingly, Step 1 is what opens the door to Step 2. If we indulge in anger toward the Lord, thankfulness will elude us, but as we set aside our natural desire to blame someone, (especially God), gratitude no-matter-what becomes possible.

Each of us have daily opportunities to think and act like Linda. If we make up our minds to be thankful, that outlook empowers us toward additional good things, like giving our time to others, making sure the excluded are included, going out of our way to serve, and like Linda’s John, putting the needs of others ahead of our own.

I’ve got a long way to go to catch Linda, but her fine example proves it’s possible. So I’m starting right now, feeling thankful for:

  • Linda.
  • other widows who’ve shared their stories.
  • 40 years with Nate.
  • a God who has partnered with me through 3½ years of widowhood.
  • Adam, a son-in-law who kindheartedly taught me how to blog.

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.” (Philippians 4:8)

The Unclogging Process

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After two days of watching my enthusiastic relatives work to clear my basement pipes, I’m sad to say they remain clogged. Things other than pipes, however, have been unclogging.

It began as blog readers shared their plumbing adventures with me and each other. Nancy wrote, “We had rocking toilets, collapsing sewer pipes, root-clogged drainage pipes, and so much more. One time our shower water was not going down, so David took the entire drain apart. I went upstairs and looked at the ‘air hole’ under the faucet, which was full of hair. I pulled the hair out, and David, who was downstairs looking up, got a face full of water.”

But Nancy also wrote about clogs of a different sort, the things that clog relationships and inhibit the important back-and-forth flow of communication between two people: “God used our house issues to teach David and me how to communicate without sharp words and with lots of love. Just like frustration levels soar with blocked pipes, so other emotions can sneak in and [clog our relationship], leading to spilled words that don’t belong in a marriage.”

She described how sin between two people (or between one person and God) is hidden from view when it begins, and then unforgiven sin is the start of big-time clogs in the relationships. The Bible says we’re to be “quick to hear,” and if someone can’t hear what God or each other is saying because sin is clogging the way, relationships dry up in a hurry. The reverse is true, too. Where would we be without the ability to pour out our troubles to God?

Clean drain

Yesterday my sister mentioned a TV ad from long ago in which a clear acrylic drain trap under the sink was filled with gunk. When the drain-clearing product being advertised was poured into the acrylic pipe, we watched in amazement as the clog rushed away like a mini-roller coaster on a track, allowing clean water to flow freely through the pipe.

That’s exactly how it is when we keep current in our communication with God and each other. As soon as the slightest bit of goo accumulates in the lines between us, we should quickly route it out before it gets big enough to hinder the flow. If the talking-listening paths become as badly clogged as my basement pipes are, restoring the back-and-forth of open communication might take days or even weeks.

Possibly...

It may not happen at all without painful excavating, followed by major reconstruction…. which is exactly where I fear my basement pipe-project is going.

I have an ace-in-the-hole, though: Nancy.

If I become feeble in whatever plumbing process lies ahead of me, I can always email her voice of experience, and I know she’ll “hear me clearly.”

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)

The Relief of Restful Days

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This morning my Spurgeon reading included a note about Nate and his experience. The reading began with a familiar verse from Matthew:

“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (11:28)

Spurgeon

I read Spurgeon’s commentary and then glanced at the notes in the margins, written in past years. A penned note said, “Nate [at the cottage] soul-searching, 1/14, 1/15, 1/16, 2005.”

I remember that weekend well. He was up to his nose in frustrations and had dropped to a low place emotionally. When he suggested he take a day or two away to think and pray, I heartily agreed and happily volunteered to handle the home front in his absence.

We both decided to fast throughout those 3 days, hoping God would somehow apply food sacrifices to our prayers about the weekend. My journal entries were a mass of requests about my husband and his struggles at that time, but there were also cries for good gifts to be given to him. For example, I prayed God would give him the rest he so badly needed.

When I’d opened Spurgeon’s reading on January 14, 2005, here’s what I’d found: “Jesus gives rest. It is so. Will you believe it? Will you put it to the test? Will you do so at once? Come to Jesus by…. trusting everything to him. If you thus come to him, the rest will be deep, safe, holy, and everlasting.”

Today when I re-read it (8 years later), it was the next sentence that impacted me most. Spurgeon wrote, “Jesus gives a rest which develops into heaven.” It’s an interesting framework for the Matthew promise, and Nate’s move into everlasting rest in 2009 was visible concurrence with that unusual statement.

When God delivered, he did it big-time. He said, “Come to me,” and Nate came. He said, “I’ll give you rest from your heavy-laden condition,” and Nate accepted.

On earth we can only observe backwards, but we can be sure beyond all doubt that in front of us lies relief and rest from every burden. Or, as Spurgeon put it, “Every heavy-laden one [will] cease from bowing down under the enormous pressure.”

Nate didn’t buckle during his remaining time on earth, and as he continued bearing the burdens he was handed (which included killer-cancer), he had no idea complete relief was fairly close at hand. Just a reminder to himself that this was true might have been a relief all by itself, which is something that should encourage the rest of us today still living in a world chock-full of burdens.

Nate kept his own journal on that weekend away, which included several prayers. In one of them he wrote, “Let me breathe the sweet, clean, pure air-of-life that You want for me.”

And not too much later, God did.

“You will fill me with joy in your presence.” (Psalm 16:11)