Category Archives: Marriage

Loving commitment

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Last night we enjoyed a simple supper of homemade turkey noodle soup and fresh bread at a table surrounded by both old and young engaging in animated conversation. Toward the end of the meal Klaus casually said, “Brooke and I went shopping for antiques today…. and we got engaged.”

He said it so matter-of-factly, we all froze, waiting for a punch line. But then we looked at the smiling Brooke, who slowly raised her left hand to reveal a sparkling diamond ring. Klaus wasn’t kidding!

Everyone broke into applause, jumping from their chairs and scrambling over each other to deliver congratulations and hugs. Grandchildren Nicholas, Evelyn, and Thomas were stunned at our crazy behavior, wondering how the focus so rapidly had shifted from dessert to a ring.

But we wanted the juicy details. Klaus had enlisted the help of several friends to pull off his surprise, “planting” them and his ring at an antique store ahead of time. Store employees were in on it too, willingly nestling the diamond ring among others inside a glass case. Brooke had been looking for a casual ring of turquoise, so the two of them were browsing through the jewelry. When Klaus nonchalantly pointed out the diamond ring and said, “How ‘bout that one?” Brooke was puzzled.

But when he dropped to one knee, her bewilderment changed to joy, and the clerks broke into tears. As planned, Klaus’ friends caught everything on film, a successful surprise with a lovely ending.

Or I should say “beginning.”

Anyone who’s experienced a proposal can vividly recall that moment. How a man handles this important event makes a mark on the relationship that will last throughout the marriage, not just in the woman’s mind, but in his, too.

By giving an engagement ring, a man is pledging to put that one woman above all others, which is the official beginning of an exclusive, lifelong bond marked by a special ring. He is promising her, and she is believing him. And since marriage was God’s idea, he’s involved in that moment, too, holding up a banner                                                                     that reads, “Loving commitment.”

When a man proposes, he’s lovingly committing to his fiancee’, which greatly pleases the Lord. But yesterday God wasn’t just standing by passively at the antique store. He was making a commitment, too, to be as involved in their relationship as they ask him to be.

He has said that earthly marriage is a visual for the relationship between Jesus and the Church worldwide, which is us. So, as Klaus honors God by staying faithful to the loving commitment he made yesterday to Brooke, and as Brooke responds to him with respect, their marriage will thrive and God will be blessed. Bumps in the road will be made smooth, and they’ll make it to their 50th wedding anniversary hand-in-hand.

As for the rest of us, we are thrilled to welcome vivacious Brooke into the Nyman family and are eagerly looking forward to celebrating with them at their spring wedding!

 “Let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Mark 10:9)

Slammed Doors

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Today’s date will always be important to me. It would have been Nate’s and my wedding anniversary, #43. Though we can’t celebrate the same way we did on this date for 4 decades, my heart is still celebrating that God brought Nate and I together in the first place.

By 9:00 am my thoughtful children began checking in with me, wondering if I was in need of comfort. Although I’ve been wearing Nate’s wedding ring on a necklace today, I can honestly say I haven’t been sad. “Grateful” is more accurate, because yesterday God showed me something special about my marriage to Nate.

Last night my women’s Bible study group met for the last session in a 10 week study called “Believing God.” Throughout the weeks we’ve been learning there’s a vast difference between believing in God and believing God. We’ve memorized 5 practical statements of faith:

  1. God is who he says he is.
  2. God can do what he says he can do.
  3. I am who God says I am.
  4. I can do all things through Christ.
  5. God’s Word is alive and active in me.

Each week we’ve stood and recited these 5 important facts at the beginning of our discussion group, and after 10 weeks, we can easily say them from memory. Personally, I hope I never forget them.

Our last homework week asked us to plot our lives on a timeline, placing large dots along the line to mark significant events. The goal was to note how God showed up again and again in our lives at important junctures and that he was there all along, even during the rough patches.

As I studied my completed timeline, God pointed out something new. His presence in my life hasn’t been just to open doors for me but also to slam them shut. As my finger traveled along the pencil marks, I suddenly realized how many catastrophes he’d saved me from by his closed doors, that they were equally as important as the ones he opened.

At the time, though, I suffered, sometimes crying out to God through tears, “How could you?!” One example was the break-up of a dating relationship with a non-believer that I dearly wanted to keep. But if that door had stayed open, I would have walked through it, eliminating the possibility of marrying Nate. And Nate was God’s choice of husband for me.

And so, as November 29th passes by one more time, I’m not sad. As I finger Nate’s wedding band, my only thought is gratitude. And I hope I’ve learned that when God closes doors in front of me, even the ones I really want to walk through, it’s only his way of marking my timeline with a great big blessing.

“Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path.” (Psalm 27:11)

Following a Plan-Maker

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My mother was, as they used to say, full of the dickens. She had enough energy for 4 people and injected fun into every day. Dad was her polar opposite, serious and steady, comfortable with quietness and content to come home after work and stay there.

But Mom was a plan-maker. I remember Dad arriving home after a stressful day of managing 250 engineers/architects, ready to relax with his newspaper, when Mom would say, “Carl, don’t take off your tie. We’re going out.”

Dad would wince, but in the end he’d comply. I felt sorry for him on evenings like that, but then one day he said, “If I hadn’t married your ma, I would have been a hermit.” Her conviviality was part of the reason he chose her, and part of why he loved her.

Despite having sympathized with Dad, though, I ended up doing the same thing with Nate. I look back in pictures and see him doing my bidding, still in his suit and tie after work: blowing up balloons for a party, moving furniture, or managing bath time hair washings. Near the holidays he’d be licking stamps for Christmas envelopes, packing Easter baskets, or carving pumpkins.

Just like Dad, he may have secretly winced when I announced my plans, but later the photos would bring a smile, and he’d remember those episodes as positive and charming.

All of us know the Lord regularly makes plans for us. When he lets us know what they are, do we wince and say, “You know, I’m really worn out and want to do my own thing for now.”

Or might we say, “You’ve got a good idea there, God, and I’ll definitely get on board. Someday.”

Or, “Actually, your plans don’t make the best use of my natural gifts, so please find someone else to do it.”

Or, “Don’t you remember, Lord? I tried that once before. It didn’t work then, so I won’t do it now.” Our excuses for not obliging can get quite creative.

What’s really happening, though, is that our God is letting us in on his highest and best for us, detailing plans that will lead to more plans, that will lead to supernatural conclusions. If we step around his groundwork tasks because it’s a hassle or inconvenience, we’re setting aside far more than just what he wants us to do right then.

Rejecting his plans for us is analogous to “dissing” him, which is slang for dismissing or disrespecting him, a far more serious matter than just opting out. It’s a telltale sign of a heart not truly committed to him.

What made Dad and/or Nate go along with the plans of Mom and me, even when it was difficult for them?

Love. Dad loved Mom. Nate loved me. And when love acts, the result is always more love, which is God’s plan exactly.

“God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” (1 John 4:16)