Category Archives: Marriage

Label it love.

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Most women love to be romanced, and most men are completely confused about what that looks like. One reason for the disconnect is that romantic behavior usually doesn’t mean much to a man. He thinks it’s silly, even stupid. (Of course, a wise man doesn’t  mention that.)

I well remember the time I concocted an elaborate plan to gift Nate with a romantic evening. I arranged for our then-three children to sleep at their cousins’ house overnight and worked hard cleaning, cooking, and filling the house with flowers, candles, and music.

I bought new bed sheets and sprinkled them with spices. (That idea came from the Bible.) Nate reacted positively and thanked me profusely, but his responses probably would have been just as enthusiastic without all the romantic touches.

Male-female relationships have been a challenge since Eden. When Adam and Eve were booted out after tasting the forbidden fruit, no doubt Adam blamed Eve for taking the bait, and Eve blamed Adam for not stopping her. Couples have been squabbling ever since.

In the beginning, Eden’s Garden was a perfect place, and its citizens were sinless. We’re not sure if that lasted 10 eons, 10 years, or 10 minutes, but originally the first couple lived in perfect harmony. What fun that must have been, to enjoy marriage without a single difference of opinion. Each received from the other exactly what he/she needed, and the battle of the sexes didn’t exist.

God hadn’t yet needed to define agape (undeserved) love, since both Eve and Adam deserved the perfect love they received from each other. These days, however, undeserved love is rarely given, and the love we do give has labels: sacrificial love, brotherly love, enduring love, childlike love, patient love, sexual love, romantic love.

And selfish love.

All of us have occasionally loved selfishly, which simply means that on the other side of it, there was something in it for us. In a way, that’s what my gift to Nate was. Since he’d never arranged an elaborate romantic evening like that for me, I put something together based on my own desires and labeled it a gift for him.

Someday, though, when we’re all living in a New Eden, labeled love will be obsolete. Each of us will know how to love like Adam and Eve did (before that fateful bite of fruit), loving perfectly and without limits. We won’t even have to work at it.

Meanwhile, we do have to work at it and should be intentional about loving each other. Even then, probably the best we can do is label-love. One thing we can rejoice about now, though, is that God’s love for us is an Eden-kind of love already, since it’s absolutely perfect in every way. After all…

“God is love.” (1 John 4:8)

Cyber-words

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A few years ago, if you’d have asked me what cyber-friendship was, I couldn’t have answered. Now I not only have an answer, I have lots of cyber-friends. All kinds of readers from every corner of the globe have allowed me to become electronically acquainted with them, and I’ve kept a cyber-file of their stories.

Since my book was published [Hope for an Aching Heart, at left], many people have detailed specific help they’ve received from its pages, and the email quoted below is an example that was deeply moving to me.

Bev writes:

I purchased your book from DHP [Discovery House Publishers] recently, in hopes that it would help me get through the crisis I am experiencing in my life right now.

My husband of 37 years left me without warning, to be with another woman.  To say I was devastated would be putting it mildly.  I thought my life was over.  I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together, but it was not to be.  I am having an extremely hard time dealing with this.  I saw your book in a leaflet from RBC.  Knowing that I am going through most of the same feelings, emotions and challenges that a widow would, I thought maybe this book could be of some help.  It’s been amazing!

Ninety-five percent of the book pertains to what I am going through.  I just substitute ‘single woman’ for ‘widow’ and ‘marriage breakdown’ for ‘husband’s death.’  I am finding great comfort and help from this book.  The prayers at the end of each chapter are wonderful and very pertinent.

Perhaps you could mention it in a blog or elsewhere on your site, that it might be a helpful book also for women who are going through a marriage breakdown and divorce, especially if it’s been a sudden event for them.

God bless you!

Sincerely,
Bev

I’m thankful for Bev’s openness and her willingness to share her heartbreaking story (used with her permission), and I want to encourage anyone enduring marriage struggles to take her advice. The reason she’s found hope is that my book is laced with pieces of God’s book, life-changing truth that can supernaturally jump off the page and into our lives, no matter what the situation. His book is “living and powerful.”

What does that mean?

Hebrews 4 tells us the words of Scripture “discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” That isn’t just so it can judge us. It’s also for the purpose of determining what our hearts need so it can help us. Bev found that even though the book was aimed at widows, God met her in her non-widow circumstance because his Word actively discerned her need and then blanketed it with encouragement and love.

I’m thankful for my new cyber-friend Bev and also for the Lord, because I know he’ll never be at a loss for words… not even in cyber-space.

 “The word of God is alive and powerful… It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” (Hebrews 4:12-13)

Waterside Wedding

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On Wednesday of this week a gentle knock on my front door sent Jack into a fit of barking, but the young girls out on the porch weren’t bothered.

“Hi, I’m Lauren, your neighbor,” the redheaded 20-something said. “I live several blocks that way [pointing] and am going house-to-house to let people know my fiancé and I will be getting married this Saturday. The ceremony will be on the beach, but the reception will be at our house, on the lawn.”

She went on to say she hoped residents would give grace on Saturday when the music got loud and went late. I told her I was all for marriage and would enjoy the festivities from afar.

I said, “Do you think the many beach walkers will turn into beach gawkers during your ceremony?”

“Oh, that’s fine!” she said. “It’ll all be part of the fun.” (I took that to be my personal invitation.)

As the girls left, Lauren handed me a green card, which I read later. “We first exchanged ‘I love you’ on the beach; now we will exchange marriage vows here on August 11.” Also on the card was an apology for any inconvenience the wedding or reception might cause and a promise that “the music will end by 11:30 pm EST.” Signatures of both the bride and groom were included, and I was impressed with this extra effort to troubleshoot.

Yesterday was their special day, and it dawned unseasonably cold with black clouds and spitting rain. Wedding weather is critical when festivities are outdoors, and the bride was the first thing on my mind. But their day developed nicely, generating blue skies and warm breezes for the beachside exchange of vows. Bathing suit clad walker-gawkers hung out at respectful distances waiting for a glimpse of the bride. At 6:00 pm she appeared in a flow-y gown and made her way down a grassy dune toward her groom, who stood under a canopy on the sand.

Marriage was God’s idea and is his recommendation for most of mankind. That’s probably because if brides and grooms want to live together successfully, they have to make use of biblical principles. If they go against them, the marriage falters and may eventually fail.

Because today’s marriage statistics give young people only a 50-50 chance, many conclude it isn’t worth it. “It’s just a piece of paper,” they reason. “What’s the big deal?”

But of course the big deal is commitment. God commits to us, and he wants us to commit to each other. Marriage turns out to be an ideal proving ground for true love, which is agape love, undeserved love. It isn’t easy, but it sure is rewarding. I hope yesterday’s beach couple has already got that figured out.

One thing is sure: their wedding photos will be extraordinary with white caps in the background and seagulls in the foreground. And if my face appears anywhere, may they Photoshop it out.

“Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:8)