Sneak Peeks, THRIVE AND SURVIVE

Several months ago, I blogged about my sister Mary and I writing a book for mothers of children from birth to age five. Though it took more than a decade to finish our project, God graciously allowed us the time we needed—despite Mary’s terminal cancer. 

Our planning and writing was a stop-start process that included endless interruptions but also the happiness of working together in the year before she went to heaven. And now, at last, the end-product is about to launch. It’s titled Thrive and Survive, Zero to Five, with subtitle, “2 sisters, 14 children and what we wish we’d known from the beginning.”

Mary was the one who brought structure to our ideas by outlining the book and creating the Table of Contents. She also wrote 58 sidebars that are sprinkled throughout—bullet-point extras not covered in the text.

The next series of blog posts on this site will offer sneak peeks into the content of Thrive and Survive, keyed to Mary’s sidebars. Then, come the end of August, the book should be available through Amazon and other sources.

Arriving at this point is deeply satisfying—and I hope Mary knows all about it. Her wisdom is laced through the book, and both of us share mothering  fails as well as successes. Our hope has always been that new moms won’t have to make the mistakes we did, and our prayer is that they will truly thrive in their efforts to do the most important job on the planet.  

“May she who gave you birth be happy.” (Proverbs 23:25 NLT)

The Reveal

It was last Memorial Day when we had our first inkling that a new baby was coming. Linnea had flown from Florida to Michigan to attend her sister Birgitta’s wedding open house. And as we ran errands together, she surprised us with her lovely secret – that another baby would be joining us in January.

Fast-forward to summer when the 26 members of our family were together in Michigan. Linnea’s pregnancy had passed its half way mark, and she and Adam had learned the baby’s gender. Much to our happiness, they wanted to share it with us all. 

We planned a Reveal Party after dinner with a special dessert: a cake with either pink or blue frosting in the middle. Only the two parents knew what was inside.

Throughout the day the 12 grandchildren, ages 10 and under, eagerly anticipated the announcement. Boy or girl? Which team?

As the hours went by, the children shared their hopes with each other… boys rooting for blue frosting, girls for pink. And when the moment came, Linnea cut a plump piece of cake and lifted it to reveal — it was pink!

The girls broke into squeals of delight, the boys stood silent, and the adults got a good chuckle over both responses. But pretty quickly the 12 kids shifted from gender-focus to cake-focus. The rest of us, though, were thankful for a glimpse of what God was doing within Linnea, excited to know a little something about who he was creating.

It was God’s idea to establish 9 months as the time it would take for him to make a baby. Of course he could do this intricate work in an instant, but he chooses to take his time. Maybe it’s similar to the way he formed the first human from clay. I wonder how long he took on that project. My guess is…. 9 months.

These days God still takes his time forming babies inside their mothers. I like to think he enjoys the long, complicated process during that time when only he holds the secrets to who he’s working on.

Fast forward to January and the birth of our May Evangeline. At the time of the Reveal Party, we were thrilled to learn one fact about her: that she would be a girl. Now the whole of her has been revealed, and we know all kinds of things–-her name, the circumstances of her birth, what she looks like, and that she’s easy-going. But just think about how much God knows about her.

He sees her life stretched out from beginning to end and knows every emotion she’ll experience, what she’ll look like as an adult, who her friends will be, what interests she’ll have, whether or not she’ll marry or become a mother, and everything else about her.

But though God sees it all, his Reveal Parties of new information will happen  only one day at a time. He has revealed one long-term fact about little May, though — that he hopes she’ll always trust him to take care of the life he’s given her.  

“It was You who created my inward parts. I was made in secret.” (Psalm 139:13,15)

Worth the Wait

1990Scripture says children are a blessing (Psalm 127:5). I’ve always found that to be true and was excited, from about the age of 12, that one day I might have some of my own. When adulthood finally came, much to my delight, kids came, too, and as predicted, they brought blessings.

They also brought a big surprise — that the joys of being a parent continue even after children become adults.

In all my years of hands-on mothering, no one ever told me about this happy phenomenon. Nobody mentioned that receiving a heart-felt letter of love from a 30-something would trump even the charming artwork of a kindergartener. The loving touch of an adult child is, I believe, one of the parenting “rewards” the Bible promises.

When I was in the thick of full-time mothering with 7 youngsters at home, there were some days when I craved time away from these blessings. But not so with my adult kids.

7 plus 1.

(L. to R. Lars, Linnea, Klaus, Birgitta, me, Hans, Louisa, Nelson

Rather than the energy drain young children can be, time with adult children is more like a filling-up. It gives me great pleasure to sit back at family gatherings and listen to my brood talk together – whether it’s politics, theology, or just reminiscing. There’s something incredibly appealing about listening to and watching them.

And then there are the one-on-one moments when a depth of heart is shared in confidence. Little children are enchanting, and for many reasons I love being around them. But they don’t need friendship from their parents as much as guidance, protection, and teaching. Once they’ve grown up, however, children and their parents have the happy option to just be friends.

I especially enjoy when my adult kids find new ways to say “I love you.” For instance, late one night Louisa decided to make Swedish pancakes — long after I’d gone to bed.

Louisa's pancakeThe next morning, I came downstairs, opened the fridge, and found an “I love you” waiting for me – a pancake with my name on it. (She calls me Midge.) Despite being tired after a long day of work and errands, Louisa had thought kindly of her old mama, reaching out as a loving friend. Though the pancake was yummy, far more delicious was the connection she’d taken time to make.

As I gain in years, I know the relationships with my adult children will continue to be important. And another thing I’ve learned for sure: Children truly do bring blessing…. all the way along.

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” (Psalm 127:3)