Category Archives: Parenting

Newlywed Love (#17)

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January 2, 1970

Nate's familyNate’s parents had said goodbye to half of their children when Nate officially left home to marry me. I hadn’t given that much thought, since the Nymans had so readily embraced me, but it’s possible that was a difficult moment for their nuclear family. My family had already let Mary go, so when it was my turn, the transition was easier.

In the early days of January, a letter arrived from Aunt Joyce – who advised me wisely on that exact matter just as it was occurring to me. Surely that was God’s timing, since I hadn’t asked for her counsel on it.

She wrote:

I’m sure Nate’s folks must have a sort of “gone feeling” when the son takes unto himself a wife. Knowing you, I’m sure you will make it up to them 100-fold.

Aunt Joyce's letter.

I determined to write to my new mother-in-law often and include her in our plans whenever possible.

Aunt Joyce also wrote:

By the way, Nate gets a 100% vote of approval! We can hardly wait to know him better! We’re so happy for you.

She went on to say how much she enjoyed “every minute” of our wedding and then paid me a nice compliment. You behaved like a million dollars in some very tight situations. (She must have been referencing those pesky table skirt debates.)

Every line of her letter was filled with wisdom. She even hinted there might be times of friction in our future when she wrote:

Count on my prayers for you both as you enter this new and exciting chapter of your lives. I’m sure you will find more growth and meaning in your Lord and in your marriage as you find yourself insufficient, than in the times when you are on top, as it were.

Aunt Joyce's letter

Of course at that time, one month married, neither Nate nor I could figure out what she meant by insufficient, but we were glad she was praying for us and happy to know we’d be “on top” some of the time.

She ended her letter by saying:

Aunt Joyce and Uncle EdwardI’m so proud to be related to you! And we love you both. When are you coming to California?

We were thankful for Aunt Joyce for lots of reasons, and she gave us one more at our wedding. She and Uncle Edward bought us a color TV! Even Mom and Dad didn’t have one of those.

“Eat honey, for it is good, and the honeycomb is sweet to the taste. In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul. If you find it, you will have a bright future.” (Proverbs 24:13-14)

Newlywed Love (#16)

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December 31, 1969

As 1969 moved into 1970, Nate and I quietly brought in the New Year alone-together, in our little apartment, satisfied to be tucked away rather than at a party, a fireworks display, or even a church service. Life would pick up speed soon enough, starting with Nate’s January finals in law school.

Nate retrieving firewoodOn New Year’s Eve, we had our supper on the floor in front of a cozy fire and recounted all that had happened in the year now ending.

He and I had gone from pen pals into a dating relationship, to an engagement, and then into marriage. I’d left my teaching post in Chicago as well as my apartment and roommates, and he’d finished his commitment as a dorm counselor at the university.

I had said goodbye to friends and family, then moved to Champaign. He’d moved from dorm room to rented room to our apartment. I’d driven a Corvair, then a Corvette, and then had no wheels at all. He’d gotten his first car, a VW.

I began teaching a grade level I knew nothing about, and he’d put another year of law school under his belt. With all this going on, to bring in the New Year with gentleness seemed just right.

Back in Wilmette, Dad was moving through his last workday on the 31st, before his official retirement. He was 70 years old and had dropped one weekday of work each year for five years, retiring in a slow and orderly manner. He and his partner, another Mr. Johnson, had built a Chicago engineering/architectural firm from the ground up, nurturing it from just the two of them into 250 draftsmen with building projects all over the country.

Dad at his deskTheir firm had designed and built everything from churches to factories and had had a successful run. We were all proud of him. Coming from an immigrant family where no English had been spoken till Dad enrolled in school at age 6, he had done well. And it was time to rest.

I had asked if he was nervous about that last day, wishing he could work a while longer, but he had said it was just the opposite – “time to get out of the rat race.” I was glad for him. He’d even married off his “wild” daughter to a stable man, which must have helped his new sense of freedom. I had put him through his paces, especially as a teen, and was grateful that after all our “wars,” he still loved me.

Winter beauity.As for Mom, she wrote in her diary:

It’s so beautiful. I stood by the window and cried. Snow falling – colored lights on evergreen. O God! Your gift!

I think she was referring to Jesus having come to earth, but it could have just been a sense of overall wellbeing.

 

Mom's emotions

And I had to agree with her. Life was indeed beautiful, nearly to the point of tears, and oh so full.

 

“…. pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap.” (Luke 6:38)

Newlywed Love (#15)

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December 29, 1969

During this golden time of togetherness without any traveling or visitors (or even classes), Nate and I moved through our days as if in a dream – a shared dream that had come true. We couldn’t get enough of each other and frequently found ourselves back in the comfort of our “new” bed, just wanting to hold onto each other and murmur sweet words.

M and NAs we came to December 29 and our first month anniversary, we agreed that our every expectation of marriage so far had been met and surpassed. We knew life probably couldn’t continue indefinitely on that idyllic level, but as long as it did, we planned to relish every minute.

Despite our financial struggles, we decided our anniversary called for a dinner out. We went one step above McDonald’s to a restaurant called Lum’s that had a similar menu. At least at Lum’s we didn’t have to eat in the car. But we drew the line at purchasing gifts — too expensive.

Nate told me he thought we could borrow $100 from the University of Illinois to get us over our financial hump… the equivalent of about $650 today. We prayed about it, hoping we were doing the right thing. Behind our borrowing was the hope that once Nate graduated from law school, he could earn enough in his first job to dispose of the debt.

Both sets of parents also offered to match the university funds, partly because they wanted us to pay a carpet layer to put down the donated (used) carpeting they had shipped to us. They assured us they wouldn’t need the money back any time soon.

If Nate could find a decent part-time job in January, we figured we could chip away at our debts — along with paying our regular bills – while he was still in law school.

Borrowing

Meanwhile, we never doubted God was taking care of us and made a point to ask him for guidance in every decision. And as we nervously made plans to borrow this “pile” of money, it was good to see that Nate credited the Lord as being the One who put together the rescue from our immediate dilemma.

Borrowing.

“Blessed is he whose help…. is in the Lord his God.” (Psalm 146:5)