Category Archives: Parenting

Newlywed Love (#13)

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December 27, 1969

Mother-in-law LoisSpending Christmas with my in-laws and then Nate’s was a good plan. Although we’d had mild opposition from both sets of parents about setting our wedding date months previously, there had never been any resistance about who each of us had chosen to marry.

I felt complete acceptance from the Nymans (right, with Nate’s mother; below, Nate with his father), and Nate knew he was welcomed by the Johnsons.

 

Nate and red jacketThis cheerful approval was quite different, at least on my side, from what I’d experienced while dating my non-Christian boyfriend. Although Mom and Dad had always been kind to him when he was in their home, privately it was another story.

 

Dad, especially, had been concerned about the possibility of me committing to a partnership that would be “unequally yoked,” as the Bible put it in the King James Version. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Both parents and nearly everyone else in my circle of friends had seen clearly that this boyfriend and I were not unified in our core beliefs, the important values that would control all the opinions and decisions of the future…. for both of us. Even Mary and Bervin, always encouraging, had advised us to break up.

During those 18 months of dating, Dad would often wait up for me when I came in from a date, even when I arrived home at 2:30 or 3:00 AM. When I saw the light upstairs, I knew he would be waiting in my room with a frown and a lecture.

Often these tense conversations included the warning that if I committed to this boy, I would be unhappy long-term. And to back up his arguments, Dad would often leave pamphlets and articles in my room about the difficulty of marriage between a believer and a non-believer.

I felt terrible guilt about causing Mom and Dad such angst as I continued to date this boy, but hadn’t been enough to stop me. It was only the arrival of another girl that became God’s way of convicting me to leave him.

Now, though, after having married a man my parents respected and would have chosen for me themselves, everything was different. Being with my family was marked by easy acceptance. And it included light…. and laughter.

Nate’s and my relationship made them glad, which then nourished both of us. And since I’d known the opposite reality, my satisfaction during our Christmas visit was considerable.

Passing out gifts(Right, Mom distributes presents)

All of us exchanged simple gifts while we were together, but the most valuable one Nate and I received was the love and acceptance of both sets of in-laws – a gift that would matter on every holiday to follow, throughout the years.

“Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” (Romans 15:7)

Newlywed Love (#3)

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December 3, 1969

LeavingAll too soon our honeymoon was over, and it was time to leave The Drake. We packed up, then stood together and looked around our room, promising never to forget all the happiness we’d known during our brief stay. The bell boy came to help us out, and I left the hotel just as I’d entered, carrying the giant bundle of my rolled up wedding gown and veil with the crown on top.

Nate went to retrieve his VW from the underground garage where it had been hiding for a week, and we loaded up. On a lark we decided to drive north to Wilmette before heading south to our apartment. Mom and Dad would be at Wednesday night prayer meeting, and we wanted to leave a surprise.

As we came in the kitchen door, I saw Mom’s diary open on the table with a note revealing how truly draining our wedding prep had been for her. On Sunday, the day after, she’d written, “Wondered if I could get thru Sunday – was bushed! Brot flowers home – some to ill folk.”

Mom's diary

Even in her depleted condition, she’d taken time to divide the wedding flowers and drive them to various nursing homes, passing out bouquets to shut-ins.

Mom rallied quickly after that. On Monday she’d written, “All the pressures are gone! And now Christmas music descends!”

Lawrence WelkI had no trouble picturing her making multiple trips to the airport to deposit out-of-town relatives but then heading home to her 33 rpm Christmas records cranked on high volume – Lawrence Welk and Mitch Miller.

Glad to see all was well on the home front, Nate and I took a minute to spread my wedding gown and veil (with crown) on their freshly-carpeted living room floor. Tucking our thank you letters into my white shoes, we placed them neatly at the bottom alongside our gifts for them – then joyfully pointed our car toward Champaign.

When we got there it was late, but we bounded up to our 3rd floor “nest” like a couple of teenagers, anxious to get going on real married life. Nate carried me across the threshold, and then we readied for sleep. Though we didn’t yet have a bedroom set, it didn’t matter. We could spend the night together on the Murphy with no fear of “getting caught” doing something we shouldn’t.

The MurphySitting on the edge of the pull-down bed, Nate wrapped his arms around me, and we talked about all that had happened in the week since we’d left our apartment. “Why don’t we pray?” he said. After voicing a long list of blessings, he thanked God for each one…. and spent several extra minutes thanking God for me.

And then we turned out the light.

“Let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.” (Hebrews 13:15)

Young Love (#138)

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November 29, 1969… 10:00 PM

Mom and LoisAs the reception wound down, Mom began asking what ought to be done with the leftover food and flowers. “Maybe we should feed the adult Sunday school classes in the morning,” she said, always thinking of others. She urged the last guests to take some with them and ran to the kitchen for plastic bags.

I wondered what my new mother-in-law thought of mom, having spent a weekend with her. Even though they were quite different, these two had begun to forge a friendship, which was satisfying to watch. After all, if Nate and I ended up with children, our moms would share them as grandmothers.

New in-lawsThe folks

Our four parents were bushed but cheerfully posed for a few last pictures, probably hoping all the photographer’s boxes would soon be checked.

 

Nate and I were beginning to look at each other with longing but knew it wouldn’t be simple to transition from wedding to honeymoon. Very likely it would take some time… and some creativity.

Mary and BervinOur wedding party stuck by us, but several were wilting on the vine – they’d all worked hard. Despite the fun, it had been a demanding day for them. We would be forever grateful. (R. Mary and Bervin)

As Nate and I held hands and watched the photographer work, I felt something funny – Nate’s wedding band. Lifting his hand, I studied his ring for the first time. His whole hand looked different… unusual… fantastic.

Having not anticipated how his ring might look on him, I was pleasantly surprised at the surge of warmth I felt. He was happy to be identified as a married man, and I was glad other girls would see his ring and know he was “taken.” That smacked of possessiveness, though I knew he didn’t really “belong” to me… or… maybe he did.

RingsNate was more than happy to “be mine” and had longed for that reality for 3 years. I was also thrilled to “belong” to him. As of a few hours ago, we’d promised to have an exclusive relationship with each other that we would never have with anyone else… throughout our lifetimes. Our rings were outward evidence of those inner commitments.

Though some might label that a restriction, as I stood there studying Nate’s hand and its shiny new ring, I felt totally secure and extremely special. I was in a category where no other girl could be. Nate was mine, and I was his – something we had wanted more than anything else in the world. And now, at long last, we were there.

“Love burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away.” (Song of Solomon 8:6-7)