Category Archives: Parenting

Young Love (#44)

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As Nate thought about how he was going to propose, I was finishing up the school year in Chicago, mourning the loss of my sweet students. Trying not to think about never seeing them again, I focused more on my planned move to Champaign before the next school year began.

the-folksNate and I were writing to each other multiple times each day, sharing wedding ideas and making plans, and I barely noticed that I hadn’t clued in my parents on most of it — never considering how they might want to do things.

June 26, 1969 – Dear Nate. Today another teacher and I took our 40 kindergarteners to a nearby fire station (on foot) and had a blast. The kids got to see a fireman slide down the pole, blow the sirens, and pull out the hook ‘n ladder truck. It was very successful and seemed to energize the kids, but we were both exhausted when we got back to school.

June 27, 1969 – Dearest Meg, future wife. I’m writing at 2:00 AM after cleaning my field gear (tent, shovel, pack) and cleaning the latrine. Oh, this Army… At least they’ve let me keep my hair long. I know you like it that way. I’ve been thinking what a great Guide Jesus Christ is. He’s the only one with infallible advice for Meg and me.

June 27, 1969 – Dear Wonderful Nate. Your favorite kindergartener, little JoAnn, found an old jelly bean in the doll dishes today when we were doing a final clean-up of the classroom. She got so excited! It was filthy, but I didn’t have the heart to take it away from her — she ate it. I reminded the children about your visit and that you were the one who had hidden all the jelly beans. They all remembered you, which made me very happy. By the way, I wrote again to both school boards down state, Champaign and Urbana. No responses yet, but I’m not discouraged.

June 27, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I got a letter from my mother today. She said she got a look at your ring before my father mailed it, and she thinks you will be very pleased. She also wrote this: “I want to write Margaret and tell her how happy we are to have her in the family, and I also want to write her mother to show our approval of your engagement.” This all makes me really glad.

novemberJune 27, 1969 – Dear Nate. A little bad news here. I went to my folks’ place for dinner yesterday to talk about wedding stuff, since Mom is beginning to make waves about a November wedding. Our discussion didn’t go well. Mom thinks it would be better for me to stay in Chicago until you graduate from law school, teaching one more year here. She wants us to get married next summer. I tried my best not to get really angry at that bizarre suggestion. Apparently I hadn’t told them I was already looking for a job in Champaign and was planning to move there this August, two months from now. It doesn’t help that my brother will also be making a move that same month, from Wheaton College to American University in Washington DC. He’s very excited about leaving, as am I, and I think Mom is feeling “blue” because her kids will all be gone. It was a touchy conversation, but she isn’t on board at all. I’m not sure where to go from here. I wonder what she’ll say when I appear with a ring?

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19)

Young Love (#41)

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Nate and I continued our long-distance courtship with pen and paper, growing in frustration over not being able to be together. But the thought of a reunion over the 4th of July kept us both going. And if it included a proposal and engagement, so much the better!

parental-adviceOur 4 parents were concerned that we wouldn’t have a chaperone over that weekend, and his parents wrote to Nate, suggesting we invite my folks, or Mary and Bervin to join us. They said they would have volunteered but had important commitments at home then and were unavailable.

Neither Nate nor I wanted any chaperones on that special weekend, so we didn’t invite anyone. Though we’d be staying together in a motel room, we’d made up our minds to hold off on intimacy until marriage, and were determined to resist the temptation.

helmetJune 22, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I’ve been out on bivouac for 4 days. We fired rifles all day and slept in tents at night. We put water in our helmets and shaved out of them. I just learned that the letters I wrote to you for three days last week were held till Wednesday by the Army before being mailed. I love you so much that I nearly cry when I realize that I can’t be with you. But Jesus Christ is so real to me here. I talk to Him privately all day long. Our faith is the only way for us.

June 23, 1969 – Dear Nate. Thinking about our wedding and planning for it makes me feel closer to you. I’m thankful you are asking for help about the groom’s duties. I’m enclosing a list of things grooms do, just for your general information. You certainly don’t have to follow it to the letter, but it gives you an idea of what to expect. And since your brother is also in the military and won’t come in till the last minute, you’ll probably have to do his “best man” duties, too.

kissesJune 23, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I love you so much. Thank you a billion times for your wonderful letters. And thank you for the postcard with the kisses on it. I especially like what you wrote on the back, that I don’t have to pick, because I can have them all. We got New Testaments today in church. I read through James and half of Romans. I’m also thankful for the Bible you gave me. Like the song says, “You make me so very happy!”

June 23, 1969 – Dear Nate. I wrote your folks to thank them for visiting my parents and driving all that way. It worked out perfectly, and I’m amazed at how timely it all was. So far, everything has gone right. By the way, any time you have had a rough day or been treated unfairly or just want to ask questions about wedding plans, feel free to call me collect (if you can get to a phone). I’ll gladly accept any charges and will tell my roommates not to accept, if I’m not at home.

June 24, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Thank you for taking care of my books and clothes while I’m gone. I think of you every minute. Your blue eyes, beautiful hair, and warm body. I’m really lucky to be marrying you, Meg. And I thank the Lord I can love another person so much. We are running 5 miles every day, but much harder than that is being away from you, my Love. Good luck during this last week of school.

“Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:6)

Young Love (#37)

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Between the end of Nate’s academic year and the beginning of his summer stint with the Army, he had 8 free days. We viewed that as a golden opportunity for more time with my parents, so we arranged for him to stay with them. I would stay there, too, and our hope was that by the end of those days, Mom would finally sanction our decision to marry.

We also hoped both Mom and Dad would surrender their idea of a year-long engagement. We didn’t want to cross them, but 6 months was our maximum wait-time.

The two of us thoroughly enjoyed being together and continued making plans. Nate accompanied me to my kindergartens, and let me “show him off” to faculty friends. After work we shared meals with friends, went to the movies, helped Mom and Dad with household projects, took miles-long walks, and “window shopped” engagement rings.

the-meetingA special highlight was when Nate’s parents drove 4 hours just to meet my folks and share a day with all of us. Everything went well, we were thankful.

From my journal:

I’m learning so much more about Nate this week. I’m convinced he is someone who will never reject me. He loved me long before I ever loved him, and as a result, my feelings for him have been able to grow at a steady, unhindered pace. With all the candid discussing we’ve done, I think we’ll have a head start on marriage together.

As for Mom, at the end of the week she did something that took me by surprise. Nate had made a big effort to win her approval, watching her closely and offering to help with whatever she was doing. He’d brought her gifts, (something no other boyfriend had done) and had given her a hug each time we’d returned home (also not done by the others).

She began warming to him, and became willing to negotiate for a wedding date. Somewhere between a short engagement (us) and a long one (them), we settled on Thanksgiving weekend. Mom liked the idea of sharing our turkey dinner with relatives who would come for the wedding, and we liked the idea of a brief engagement.

Back to my journal and Mom’s surprise:

glass-slipperTwo years earlier, Mom had bought a special gift to present to me when she thought I had found my prince charming. It would be her way of sanctioning my choice. At the end of our 8 days together, she presented me with that gift – a small glass slipper a la Cinderella – telling me she was sure Nate was the one. She also said that it was satisfying for her to be sure that I was sure, too. The glass-slipper-surprise was the watershed moment Nate and I had been hoping for with Mom, and now all 4 parents were on board.

At the end of those 8 days, Nate reluctantly got on a bus headed to Ft. Riley, Kansas, nearly 600 miles away. He became a soldier-in-training for 6 weeks and was owned by the Army. But as we kissed goodbye, I made up my mind I wasn’t going to let all that time pass without us being together.

“Love always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)