Category Archives: Parenting

A Word or Two

Posted on by

Birgitta loves to read. Board books captivated her before she was a year old, and in her preschool years, if we couldn’t find her, she was cuddled up with a book somewhere. She began to read at four and could read almost anything by six.

Words interested her, and she enjoyed putting them together into sentences. Before long she was writing short stories, illustrating them herself, and I have a file cabinet full of these treasures. God gifted her with not only a rich creative side but the desire to use it.

She’s always had a natural interest in words, their definitions, and their pronunciations, looking up the ones she didn’t know. Some of this was inherited from her father, who often read Webster’s Dictionary for pleasure, annotating the margins.

In 40 years of marriage I never asked Nate what a word meant that he didn’t have the correct answer, which included the history of the word, too.

Maybe Birgitta’s love of words came to her through her genes, but she also grew up in a home where reading was a respected pastime and vocabulary questions peppered dinner table conversation.

Hitch-hiking on that love of words and books, her sister Louisa hosted a bring-a-book baby shower for one month old Emerald last weekend. Watching Birgitta open the childhood favorites of 20-some guests was to watch her light up with pleasure at each new title.

Little Emerald now has her very own shelf in the room we lovingly call our library, a prize the value of which she will soon begin to realize. It’ll be Birgitta’s delight to read these stories aloud to her, and surely Emerald will become a book lover just like her mother.

On the other side of our little library is a wall of shelves, part of which is filled with Bibles, commentaries, and biblical reference helps. Since most of my Bible reading and studying is now done online, those hard copies have gathered dust, which makes me feel bad. How many Christians in this world would give anything to have access to such treasure but can’t, either because Christian books are illegal, or expensive, or just hard to find.

But as I look at those dusty books I hear the Lord say, “Margaret, don’t stress about that. As long as you’re drawn to my Word and to Me, the form doesn’t matter.”

So I ask myself, am I enthusiastically gravitating toward Scripture and its Author on a daily basis? Or do I have a take-it-or-leave-it point of view?

Words and books are treasures, with God’s Word, the Bible, the optimum one. Thankfully Emerald’s personal library shelf includes several titles that represent these optimum riches, and hopefully she’ll love to hear their stories, again and again.

“Follow my advice… Always treasure my commands… Guard my instructions… Write them deep within your heart.” (Proverbs 7:1-3)

 

Mending Mess-ups

Posted on by

When I was 15, I pulled one too many pranks at summer camp and got sent home by the frustrated director. Although I was more than happy to get out from under his leadership at the time, I dreaded telling my parents what had happened, knowing they’d be angry with me.

The days that followed were full of tension as my folks laid out disciplinary restrictions, and worst of all, they made me apologize to the camp director for my bad behavior. Because he and his wife were friends of my parents, I had caused some significant embarrassment.

All of us mess up once in a while, or as in my case, more frequently. We misjudge situations, base our opinions on false information, act immaturely, or snap at people, all because we want our own way.

How does God feel when we act like this? Surely he’s disappointed, disgusted, even angry. But I have a hunch he holds out hope that with enough mess-ups, we’ll learn how to do better next time. One thing is sure: he doesn’t love us any less when we behave badly. Scripture uses the words “unfailing love” over 40 times to describe the way God loves us. This kind of love is trustworthy, consistent, and sure. And best of all, our mess-ups can’t possibly erode it.

My former camp director and I eventually bumped into each other many years after he sent me home… 47 years, to be exact. Truth be told, I’d felt badly about my behavior those many years and was grateful for the chance to mend the relationship. But while I was thinking of what to say to him, he beat me to it, asking if I would forgive him for sending me home from camp. And he said it in front of 250 people.

I followed that by asking him if he would forgive me. Before our very public conversation ended, we were both laughing, a sure sign that our messy history had been all cleaned up. Although it took nearly 5 decades to straighten it out, I’m pretty sure God was laughing that day, too, right after he’d breathed a great big sigh of it’s-about-time.

The camp director and I kept communicating for quite a while after our conversation and actually became sincere friends, surely the result of God’s loving work within both of us.

As for my parents, their love for me remained unfailing, too. My poor behavior hadn’t eroded it, and once that summer was over, they never brought up the incident again.

“Let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” (1 John 4:7)

 

Why struggle?

Posted on by

This morning I listened to a radio report on the different ways American and Asian children are taught. The study followed classroom instruction and parental messages to elementary age kids and found a glaring difference: American teachers/parents strive to keep learning positive, eliminating struggle wherever possible. Asian teachers/parents not only let children struggle, they promote it, designing lessons to make it happen.

An American mother might say, “Jamie, you got a good grade because you’re a smart boy.” An Asian mom might say, “Kim, you won the prize because you kept trying.”

The study included classroom and home observations during which researchers recorded what teachers/parents said to their children, along with their responses. One examiner in an Asian classroom of 8 year olds said he was surprised when the teacher chose a failing student to do his work at the chalkboard up front.

The student grappled with his problem for over an hour, during which time the teacher occasionally asked the class, “Does he have it right yet, class?”

The answer was always no, and the researcher couldn’t believe the young student continued without breaking into tears. When he finally did get it right, the teacher said, “Look, class, he got it. Didn’t he do a great job working for the answer?” Rather than praising the boy’s ability, she praised his perseverance.

Most Asian teachers and parents structure their educating to include tasks they know are beyond the reach of students, just to exercise their mental stick-to-it-tiveness. For example, the study asked children to see if they could find the answer to a math problem intentionally designed to have no solution. On average, American school kids gave up in one minute or less, deeming it impossible. Asian children worked up to an hour before giving up.

But what does God have to say about all this? Is one method right and one wrong?

Scripture definitely touts the value of struggle. We see it in Bible characters and also today, in both visible battles (physical) and invisible ones (mental). Perseverance is a character quality God esteems, and satisfaction comes after we’ve sorted through complicated problems. But what about the dilemmas beyond our reach, those with no solutions? Does God want us to struggle indefinitely with those?

No. At that point he hopes we’ll turn from our own efforts, admit we’re at the end, and request his help. Then we get to watch him do the impossible. As we concede weakness, he imparts strength.

But what about the study on learning? Does one group win and the other lose? Not necessarily. Though Asian children are being taught the value of struggle, educators share a growing concern for their lack of imagination, citing American youngsters as examples of creative strength.

Thankfully the Lord provides unlimited opportunities for all of us to struggle in all categories. The trick is in appreciating it.

The Lord said, “My power is made perfect in [your] weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)