Category Archives: Parenting

Consistent Care

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This afternoon while I was sweeping the kitchen, my cell phone buzzed. It was my son-in-law Adam, from Florida:

“Your package just arrived. Linni’s away at a meeting and both kids were crying. Perfect timing! Thank you!”

Adam is a spectacular father, wholeheartedly involved with Skylar and Micah, ever patient, always kind. I wasn’t surprised to hear he was in the trenches of parenthood today, managing two fussy children. What did surprise me was that the package I’d mailed mid-week had arrived with “perfect timing.”

After I filled that box in Michigan (an exchanged birthday gift for Micah and a Mickey Mouse for Skylar), and after I taped it up and wrote the address on it, it sat on my kitchen counter for three days. Every time I walked past it I thought, “Oh golly, I’ve just got to get to the post office.”

I find it fascinating that after three days of procrastination, the package arrived with “perfect timing.” And there’s no other explanation except that God did it. His plan was to lift Adam out of a stressful moment and bring pleasure to two little children.

How many other nifty gifts does God put together for us day in and day out, when we don’t know it’s him? These things rarely arrive in boxes, but they might as well be gift-wrapped because of the special care our heavenly Father puts into sending them.

As young children we all memorized 1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your care on him, for he cares for you.” Even without the front half of that verse, the last half is true by itself. God just plain cares for us.

The verse before that one also vouches for his care: “Humble yourselves… under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” Being lifted up by God himself when we are down? That’s tender loving care for sure. Humbling ourselves first, which is what Adam was doing by caring for his children today, is the prerequisite. We can all find ways to humble ourselves on a daily basis, and being lifted by God is a powerful motivator.

The verse even before that one describes another gift of caring God wants to give us: “God… shows favor to the humble.” So in three consecutive verses, he promises three gifts. He cares for us (v. 7), lifts us up (v. 6) and shows favor to us (v. 5). On a discouraging day when children are crying or other tensions dominate, we should actively look around for God’s care, knowing it’s on the way. This goes for both small concerns and large crises.

I think of Nate in reference to these verses. When he was assigned to go through the agony of terminal cancer, he humbled himself to God’s will, accepting it with grace. God did those three things for Nate. He cared for him through six weeks of uncertainty and pain, then showed him tremendous favor by lifting him into paradise, the ultimate in promises kept.

Today Adam was caring for Skylar and Micah. Simultaneously God was caring for all three of them, and he delivered a care package, just to prove it.

“The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.” (Naham 1:7)

Losing at Love

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It was Valentines Day today, a day to celebrate love, but I witnessed the unraveling of a love relationship. Because I had to sign something, I found myself at the county courthouse. While waiting in line for my turn at a glass window with a talk-through hole in the middle, a young couple carrying a toddler stepped up to a different window not far from mine. The sign above theirs read, “FAMILY”.

As I waited, I watched them, worrying over the reason they were at the window. The mother, looking like a middle school kid with her tiny frame, was burdened down with a massive diaper bag, a big purse and a heavy baby. I just hoped they weren’t filing for divorce.

But it was worse than that.

The father (think teenager) leaned toward the window to explain. “This here is my baby, and I want to give up custody.”

The woman on the other side of the glass winced a little and said, “You mean you want to terminate your rights as a father?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” he said, without a bit of emotion. “See, I don’t wanna give ‘em any more money. I haven’t worked for a year, and I don’t have any money. I wanna be done.”

I looked at the mother, who sat down nearby. She, too, was without emotion.

A rush of grief swept through me, and I wanted to know every detail about these three people. Had they finished high school? Did they have a place to live? Had they raised their baby together, this far? Did they have parents who were helping? Had they told anyone what they were doing today? Did they have any money? Or food? Both of them were reed thin.

But it was my turn at the other window, and I had to look away. A man seated at a desk behind the “FAMILY” window said, “Geez. When are these kids gonna start taking responsibility for the dumb decisions they make?” I glanced over to see if the little family had heard him, but they were gone.

A few minutes later, headed for the elevator, I saw the mother sitting on a bench in the hall, her baby on her lap holding a sippy cup. The father was not around.

I smiled at her, and she smiled back, so I walked up and said, “You have a sweet baby there. How old is he?”

“Almost two,” she said, turning his face so I could see him better. “He was born two months too soon, but the doctor says he’s doing pretty good.”

“He sure looks like he is,” I said. “He’s darling with his big blue eyes and curly blond hair. You must be very proud of him.”

“Oh I am,” she said, and we continued to chat, two moms who both love children.

When I finally stepped toward the elevator button, she said, “I hope you have a really nice day, ma’am, a really good day.” I thanked her, wished her the same, and the elevator door opened. Hopelessness washed over me, and the sting of tears made me grateful I was headed for the privacy of my car.

When I got there, the Lord aborted my crying by delivering a strong message. “That situation is not hopeless. You should know better than that. Why don’t you stop despairing and help them?”

I knew what he meant.

As I helped by praying, God reminded me he already knows the answers to all the questions I’d wondered about while waiting in line. He also has the power to affect dramatic, positive change in their lives. Since I would never see them again and couldn’t be of relationship help, praying for them was an opportunity to trust the Lord to act on their behalf.

With God involved, there’s always hope.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:3)

Coming Up Short

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At my house we’re still working with an ancient fuse box and the glass screw-in fuses. Since we had circuit-breakers at our last house, moving to the cottage brought an electrical learning curve. At first I couldn’t tell if a fuse was blown or good, and it was a guessing game trying to link their power with the area of the house they controlled. But gradually our fuse box and I became friends… until last summer.

My electric water heater would work fine for a couple of weeks, then go cold. I’d head to the basement, replace a couple of fuses, and it would work again, until a few weeks later. One day while at the hardware store buying fuses, I presented the dilemma to the clerk. “Are you using the right number?” he said.

“Yes,” I said, “two of them.”

“No, I mean the number on the fuse. They have different strengths. Check your fuse box. Sometimes it says.”

And sure enough, I’d been using 20’s in two holes needing 30’s, shorting on power to the water heater. After I corrected my error, all was well. If only life’s other shortages were as easy to repair: shortages of sleep, money, patience, energy, wisdom, all kinds of things.

Each of us has felt pinched in specific ways from time to time. For example, every new parent knows about sleep shortages and later learns about patience shortages when their children test them.

Nate and I had financial shortages for many years. Families in other countries find themselves short of food or medicine. People in jobs that require creativity find themselves short of ideas, and those needing physical strength in their work become short of energy.

But the worst deficiency is when we feel shorted by God, that he hasn’t come through like he said he would. We claim his promise to provide for our needs and wonder why we’re short on cash. We put him first, believing he’ll direct us, then wonder why we’re unemployed.

I’ve found it helpful not to look at the current-day shortage but rather at a past provision. It’s the manna principle. God told the hungry Israelites to collect only enough for “today”. If they picked up extra (except before the Sabbath), it rotted.

That’s often how we define our shortages. We say, “I made it through today but know I won’t have enough for tomorrow.”

If we apply the manna principle, we’ll focus on the first half of that sentence rather than the last. Manna always came just before it was needed. Anxiety over “tomorrow’s” food was wasted worry.

Today Skylar asked me for some juice. I knew she’d only want half so filled her cup that much. As I handed it to her, she threw herself on the floor and cried, “No! All the way full!”

I filled it to the top, thinking she must be thirsty, and handed it to her. She said, “Thank you,” and skipped off to play. Later I found her cup. She’d drunk only half.

“The eye never has enough of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing.” (Ecclesiastes 1:8b)