Category Archives: Prayer

Newlywed Love (#36)

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February 24, 1970

As the weeks of our marriage passed, Nate and I continued to enjoy each other to the fullest. But there was one thing about being married and living far from family and friends that I really missed: time with girlfriends.

With Mary downtownI especially missed my sister Mary (left), but also Lynn, Connie, Julie, my 3 apartment roommates, and my team teacher in Chicago. Though I’d been living and working in Champaign for more than 6 months and loved my job and our little apartment, it hit me that getting married and leaving town had eliminated most of my girlfriend-time.

As I wrote in my journal, “I’m no longer living the frolicsome life of an independent apartment-dweller in the big city. I’m no longer a free agent.”

But as I learned in the months leading up to our wedding, saying yes to marriage meant saying no to other things. And anytime-freedom to be with friends was one of those things.

By marrying Nate, I had chosen to put him first from then on, and I very much wanted to do that. It might take a lifetime to learn to love him in the no-holds-barred way he loved me, but I was committed to trying.

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

Computer generated concept of cornerstone

The full truth was that as we got married, we were putting a cornerstone into place that would end up being the foundation on which a new household (and maybe a family) would gradually be built – the home of Nathan and Margaret Nyman. Through the years many other stones would be added to that first one, which would end up to be the structure of our lives.

Every idea either of us had from then on needed to pass a test: Is this something that will tear down or build up our household? If we answered honestly each time and made decisions accordingly, we could be sure our home and the relationships inside of it would stand the test of time.

So where did that leave me with my girlfriends? If I spent more time thinking about, talking to, going out with friends than with my husband, small cracks would develop in our foundation. Both of us wanted our relationship to thrive – and to be #1. And we’d been told that marriages suffer when outside interests and people gobble up too much time.

And so, concerning my friends “back home,” Nate and I hashed it out honestly and got all our feelings on the table. Our conclusion was that once in a while both of us could spend time and energy on relationships apart from each other. But we’d have to be very careful. And the other person’s opinion would have to matter.

Jesus as CornerstoneThen we prayed, asking God to superimpose his desires over our own whenever we might be doing harm to our marriage, sometimes even without knowing it.

As always, Nate came down on the side of lots of freedom for me, and just knowing he felt that way helped reinforce my desire to keep him as my top priority.

“Invite your friends to Champaign any time you want,” he said, “and they’ll always be welcome.”

I wrote in my journal:

“It seems so fresh being married to Nate. We talk about everything and also never miss our daily devotional time and prayer together. I think that’s doing the trick for us.”

But of course there was no trick. It was actually Jesus the Cornerstone who was part of the conversation and was keeping all the issues straight.

“This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I lay…. a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic.” (Isaiah 28:16)

Newlywed Love (#31)

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February 11, 1970

About this time, Nate had a very rough night that culminated in a severe migraine headache. I had no idea what a migraine was until I watched him suffer through one. His agony was intense, and the only thing that helped was a darkened room with a cool cloth over his forehead and even covering his eyes.

MigrainesHe told me he had suffered through several migraines during high school, but nearly a decade had passed without a single one. Hoping they had just been part of bodily changes from boyhood to manhood, he figured he’d seen his last one.

But there he was, stricken with the worst one he’d ever known, flat on his back and unable to sleep, eat, or even have a conversation. He certainly couldn’t cope with going to classes.

As his “helpmeet,” I felt helpless. Other than to re-soak his face cloth for him, there was little else I could do. And so I sat on the edge of the bed and prayed, longing for God to make him feel better.

Just before it was time for me to go to work, he vomited, and then fell into a deep sleep. His last words before drifting off were, “You go ahead. The worst is over.”

The migraineI penned a quick note and left for school, tremendously worried about my young husband. What had caused this awful attack? Had I done anything to bring it on? And how could we prevent it from ever happening again?

When I returned home later, he was dressed and sitting at the table, bent over his law books. He said he felt drained but that the headache had been completely gone when he’d woken from his morning sleep.

We had a long talk about what might have brought it on and came to no conclusions. He reassured me over and over that it had nothing to do with me. “Since migraines are most likely caused by intense stress,” he said, “then having you alongside me could only help, not hurt.”

We wondered aloud if he should drop one of his classes or quit his job at H & R Block. Feeling fine again, though, he said he didn’t want to do that unless there were more migraines.  I admired his willingness to work so hard, especially since meeting his goals was as much for me as it was for him. But his bottom line was, “Let’s just see what happens.”

And so we prayed together about it, asking God to relieve Nate’s pressure and to keep future migraines away. In the mean time, I had one more question for Nate. “Do you think having some extra sex might increase the odds of never having another headache?”

He smiled his most handsome smile and said, “Well, why don’t we find out?”

And I was so glad to have him back again.

“The Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on them in their suffering.” (Isaiah 49:13)

Newlywed Love (#22)

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January 21, 1970

Nate's noteAfter Nate’s law school quarter ended mid-January, he and the other students got a few days off before beginning a new round of classes. He used those days to intensify his search for a part-time job and also to secure all the textbooks he’d need.

I would have waited till the first day of school to crack open the books, but not Nate. He aggressively went after the first week’s assignments and began work on the mountain of reading as soon as he knew what it was.

I was impressed with his diligence, but he said everybody else would be doing the same thing.

TextbooksAnyone who wasn’t prepared on that first day would surely be singled out by the professor for a grilling –-  “…my worst nightmare,” Nate had said. I thanked the Lord I wasn’t a grad student. I also thanked him for a smart husband — something I considered to be very sexy.

And then one day as I walked in from work, Nate greeted me with his biggest, most handsome smile. “Guess what! You’re looking at a newly hired tax man!”

He’d just received the good word that he would be doing income taxes for people. The job would evaporate as soon as tax season ended on April 15, but it would pay pretty well till then. Our stranglehold finances would open up just enough to let us breathe, and the work seemed perfectly suited to Nate.

Doing taxes would take him away from me for more of each week, and with fewer study hours, his stress level would rise, but I promised to do my part to ease his burdens.

We got another piece of good news later that same evening. Dad called and said that if we were willing to drive to Wilmette for the weekend, he would help us shop for a second car. We’d been limping along for weeks with one car between us, scrambling to meet the demands of wildly varied schedules. And with my carpooling duties, it was usually Nate who came up short.

With the new job and ongoing study commitments, though, it was impossible for him to take the weekend away. But, as he put it, with Dad and the Lord monitoring the car hunt and purchase, I would be in good hands.

Used car lot.Both of us had the strong confidence that I would return to Champaign driving a new-used car at the end of the weekend, so wisdom dictated I take the train to Wilmette rather than drive. I’d used that train often when we were dating and knew the ropes. That would leave Nate with wheels over the weekend, and of course I couldn’t drive both cars back to Champaign anyway.

Neither of us liked the idea of being apart for that long, but at the end of our separation, we hoped we’d have an exciting reason to celebrate. We prayed together that God would protect Dad and I from any dishonest car salesmen and would lead us to a fairly-priced, reliable vehicle.

“If you… know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him?” (Matthew 7:11)