Category Archives: Prayer

Young Love (#26)

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After the weekend of the Military Ball, a relationship shift had taken place. Nate was disappointed, and though I was the reason, I felt disappointment, too – especially about his wanting to date other girls. Even so, throughout the weekend there had been many moments when we didn’t discuss our relationship, and that’s when we ran around like kids, laughed, and relished every minute together.

allerton-parkOne afternoon was spent at Allerton, 30 miles outside of Champaign, hiking the beautiful landscape. Then, parked on a blanket in the woods, we studied, did my taxes, napped… and both said the words, “I love you.”

 

Back home… from my journal:

It seems irresponsible not to commit to Nate. I feel bad about the frustration I’m causing him but don’t see a way out of it for now. What he should probably do is just produce a ring with a “guess what” attitude, and we’d probably sail happily through life together.

One thing I’ve learned about myself during these months is that I’m good a snap decisions, but the long-range ones just kill me. I feel like Nate and I are only at the beginning of our relationship, while he thinks we’re well down the road. One thing is sure: I’ve just got to get (my old boyfriend) out of my head.

April 17, 1969 – Dear Nate. After talking with you at length about our relationship last weekend, I don’t know what to think. You are right to say you will date around, but I’m at a loss to say what should happen next. I do love you. And when I think of truly losing you, I get scared. But I don’t really “have” you, do I.

April 18, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Our spiritual time on Easter Sunday and the prayer times of last weekend are very meaningful to me. Since then my Bible reading time (at lunch) has been better understood by me. Jesus Christ is my first love and the first commitment of my life. But I also love you. And He will lead us.

April 19, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m feeling rather blaa tonight… not depressed or in a bad mood, just sad that you and I aren’t together. I am missing you. I tried to call you tonight, but I guess I didn’t expect you to be home on a Friday evening. I know the Army is going to “hold you captive” for 18 hours starting tomorrow, so of course you went out. I guess I’ll just go to bed early and try to cheer myself by thinking back to the many good moments of last weekend. It sure was fun at Allerton Park. I love you.    Meg

restingApril 20, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I awoke this morning thinking of you and wishing you were still at my side. I’ve thought of a sweet little nickname for you: “Maj.” It’s your initials, M.A.J. What do you think? I still love you very, very much and am looking forward to sharing my schedule with you a week from now when you come down during your spring break. I want to be with you.

April 20, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’ve discovered that you mean more to me than I have admitted through all of this self-searching about marriage. In a way, you have a great deal of power over me and my emotions, more than you know. It’s a good kind of power. I need someone like you who will reassure me over and over of the love he feels for me, probably for the rest of my life. Is there another like you anywhere? I doubt it. I have so many things to talk to you about when I see you. It makes me happy to know that will be soon.

“Let your ‘yes’ be yes, and your ‘no’ be no.” (James 5:12)

Young Love (#25)

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The school year was passing, and Nate’s and my relationship was gaining strength – from my point of view, too. And then, as before, my old boyfriend resurfaced. He called and invited me to play a few games of the wonder sport, tennis, and springy weather made his request tempting. Everything in me screamed, “Don’t!”

But I did.

tennisI knew I loved Nate. But I knew I had loved the other guy, too, and such strong feelings don’t just poof away. They need time to diminish. I didn’t tell anyone I was meeting him, knowing they’d all call me a fool. And deep inside, I knew that’s what I was.

After our tennis, we went out to eat and then back to his place where we talked and talked – till 5:30 AM. He told me he still felt about me the same way he did when we were in a romantic relationship. I was flattered… and nervous. I told him about Nate, that we were seeing a lot of each other, and he disapproved. No surprise. I sensed that once I left him that night, I’d never be back. Spending all that time with him was much like someone starting a new diet plan but bingeing the night before.

The next day, however, I had to pay the piper. I needed to tell Nate about the date when we met in Champaign — but only at the right moment. Expecting he would respond with patient acceptance as before, I was in for a big surprise.

April 10, 1969 – Dear Nate. While I was getting organized for our upcoming weekend, I was munching on a piece of the salt water taffy you gave me, and out came one of my fillings! So I had to take time off to visit the dentist. I didn’t want that big hole to ruin our weekend with its zapping pain each time I bit down on it. But now, all is well. And I’ll see you very soon! Love, and more love, Meg

April 10, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Your idea about visiting me during your spring break is great! When is it? I have upcoming exams and an Army Field Exercise, but don’t worry about these. I would love you to be with me during them. I got to see your daily teaching routine, so it would be good for you to see my disorganized life of counseling, law, and ROTC.

After the weekend:

military-ballApril 14, 1969 – To my dear Nate. This weekend was a jewel. (Military Ball, right)

I do believe both you and I had a spiritual awakening on Easter night a week ago. It was real for both of us, a milestone in our lives. In Christ I love you, and as Nate Nyman I love you, too. I’m feeling so differently about you these days.

April 14, 1969 – Dearest Meg. You know in your heart how much I love you and want to be with you. I am extremely pleased that you enjoyed the weekend. And as soon as you make a commitment to me, we can be engaged. However, to protect my own emotions, I am going to date others also. Believe me, before I told you this on the weekend, I was on the point of falling in total and complete worshipful love of you. At the same time I knew you were not ready to commit yourself to me. That was wounding. But I still do love you.

April 17, 1969 – Dear Nate. The letter I received from you today was well written and meaningful. I read it 4 times. I was so glad I heard from you today. I think if I hadn’t, I really would have been in a bad way. This week has been very confusing. There is a barrier building between us, although sometimes I feel we are closer than ever. One minute I’m thrashing myself for remaining undecided when asked for a commitment by such a fine person as you, and I ache at knowing how unfair I’m being. But then I wonder if those thoughts are what should persuade me. I’m so sorry.

“It is the Spirit who gives life. The flesh is no help at all.” (John 6:63)

Young Love (#23)

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As the days passed, I wrestled with my feelings, frustrated that I couldn’t fully commit to Nate. One of the problems was that I viewed love as having two levels: (1) loving someone just for the joy of it, and (2) loving someone enough to marry him… for better or for worse, and for keeps.

I knew I loved Nate (1), but marriage? That number (2) was a doozy of a decision. A week of days together was coming, though, and I hoped it would shake me loose from my emotional log-jam. I would have to work, but we’d be together parts of every day.

hmmmMar. 25, 1969 – Dear Nate. My team teacher says I should choose a mate based half on logic and half on love. She really likes you and says you are A+ in both. Actually, she told me she wished she was 20 years younger about now (wink).

Mar. 26, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I love you very much. This spring vacation will be great. Your parents and mine will get to know us and begin to think of us together as a couple. There is a great deal I want to show you in my home town, come the weekend. We’ll get to take long walks near your house and mine, and most important, spend time in prayer and worship. Easter sunrise service!

Mar. 26, 1969 – Dear Nate. My folks are glad about our arrangements to stay in Wilmette with them for part of your vacation week. Being together for 6-7 days straight will be a helpful thing in determining the direction of our relationship. My roommate has a boyfriend she loves, but it’s frustrating for her to wait and wonder when he’ll next call or ask her out. It makes me thankful that there’s no guessing with you. You are sure. You are unlike any other guy I’ve ever known… in so many ways.

Mar. 27, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I think of you constantly. When I think of the future, I realize that your personal decision, our parents’ feelings, and both of us being absolutely certain about marriage still present themselves. But you have plenty of time. I love you, and love waits. Whoever wins your heart will be fortunate and will have to work hard to merit you. My only doubt about our relationship is whether I am good enough for you.

letters-galoreMar. 27, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I got four letters today! Wow! I love you! Fantastic woman! Before studying for my ROTC test I had to write to thank you and comment on your essential goodness which deserves a life of kissing and hugging and admiration.

 

Mar. 27, 1969 – Dear Nate. When you come, I sure would love to see the movie “2001” before it’s gone. We could have a good discussion afterwards, since there are some poignant moral questions posed in the show, or so I hear. But we won’t have to spend too much money during the week if we don’t want to. There are lots of inexpensive things we can enjoy. I love you, Nate.

Mar. 27, 1969 – Dear Nate. Tonight I tried on several dresses that I can possibly wear to the military ball on April 12. My roommate let me borrow one, and I have 6 bridesmaids gowns. I should probably wear one of those, since they’ve only been worn once each. But it’s tempting to get something new.

Mar. 27, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Thank you for two new letters, warm and sparkling with Meg. I am hoping this coming week will be decisive for you. Of course you know I’ve already decided on you. But don’t feel you must rush a decision this week. You have all the time in the world. I can be patiently happy to wait for you. Last night it took me 2 hours of thinking about you before I could fall asleep, and I awoke thinking of you. I love you! And now lover-boy has to go put his towels and socks into the dryer.

“Put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:14)