Young Love #9

On Dec. 27, as I readied for Nate’s long-anticipated arrival, my thoughts were a mix of confusion and expectation. I prayed, asking God to make it a good weekend. And I pleaded with Him to let me know what He wanted for us in terms of any relationship. Lastly, I asked Him to take thoughts of my old boyfriend’s visit out of my mind so I could make an honest assessment of Nate.

From my journal:

blizzardDec. 27, 1968 – When Nate walked in the door, I was surprised at how glad I was to see him. He was in shape and looked good. After dinner and a movie, we walked all over town in the beauty of a blizzard, holding hands. He asked me if I was willing to take off the glove on the hand he was holding, and he took his off, too. He said he wanted to touch my soft skin. I was pleased to be with him, and when he kissed me out there in the snow, I was surprised at my own willingness. We discussed the whole thing as it was happening. He’s definitely a different kind of boy.

He told me he was fairly sure we would be a good match in a marriage. I suppose we would. Our backgrounds are similar, family is important, and he loves children. He’s ambitious, intelligent, has his military situation under control, and is handsome. Of course marriage must include love, which is (as of yet) absent for me. But when I think of the different guys I’ve had in my life, I consider Nate in his own class.

chocolatesOct. 28, 1968 – Nate left today after presenting Mom with a two-pound box of chocolates. He’s got the etiquette all right. Bervin and Mary said they were impressed. I’ll admit… I was, too.

Back to the letters:

Dec.30, 1968 – Dear Meg. I really enjoyed being with you last weekend. I don’t know what the Lord will do about our relationship in the future, but I loved the way He guided it last weekend. Maybe we can discuss each other’s detailed reactions in later letters. And perhaps in person, when my finals are over in late January. Happy New Year 1969!  Love, Nate

Jan. 2, 1969 – Dear Nate. After thinking it over, I’ve decided the smartest, safest thing for us to do about our relationship is to completely leave it in the hands of the Lord. Because of my experience with (my old boyfriend), I’ve decided to quit trying to handle my own fate. Anyway, would you like to go on a “prayer campaign” by praying 5 minutes every day that the Lord’s decision about you and I would have the greatest priority? I want to be extremely cautious as we sort out our feelings. A broken heart, either yours or mine, isn’t worth it. Please expound on your honest feelings.

Jan. 5, 1969 – Dear Meg. Yes, prayer is the best course for us… solemn requests for divine assistance. I have prayed for you many times, and now I will pray for us. My finals end the 17th, but I must stay here until the 23rd when undergrad exams end. The Head Resident might let me away for the 18th. I would like to come to Wilmette. How does that sound? Answer very good. And keep praying.      Nate.

Jan. 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. Yes, I would like you to come again. Maybe you could visit me while I’m teaching. The children would love it. Or, if you can’t come here, I could come to Champaign. Maybe you’d better give me a phone number where I can reach you, if need be.

“Be kind to one another.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Young Love (#8)

Life bounced along at a happy pace through Christmas, as I enjoyed the attentions of one long-distance guy and another up-close one. Both relationships were moving forward, and I didn’t see any potential conflict. I even entertained thoughts of what it might be like to be married to one or the other, but didn’t try to choose.

It had been a year since I’d seen Nate, and as Dec. 27 approached, I grew more and more excited…

…until an unexpected phone call knocked me for a loop.

getting-readyIt was Dec. 26, the day before Nate was to arrive, and when I picked up the phone, my heart stopped. It was my old boyfriend. Though it had been 9 weeks since our traumatic break-up, when I heard his voice, I melted. He asked if I might want to get together that evening, just as “friends,” and in a swirl of confused but lovely feelings, I said yes.

Since there are no letters written about that night, I’ll quote from my journal:

Dec. 26, 1968 – We went out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, and it was just like old times – beautiful. Since we were now “good friends,” he was eager to tell me about his new girlfriend. As he confided in me, I had all I could do to keep my jealous feelings in check. I had to silently pray for constant support.

He told me they were making plans to move in together. Though I knew I shouldn’t have been wounded by that news (after all, we were broken up), it absolutely crushed me.

But after he was done mentioning “her,” I enjoyed every minute, relishing the time with him. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He told me he’d have to leave my house by 1:00 AM that night, but at 3:30 we were still talking. When we finally hugged goodbye, it felt good to be wrapped in his arms again. He told me he still “liked me a lot” and hoped we could have many more get-togethers. He left close to 4:00 AM.

I don’t feel much like seeing Nate tomorrow. I’ll have to really work at it. I’ve just got to get a positive attitude before then, or it’ll flop badly.

broken-heartDec. 27, 1968 – Nate comes today, but this morning all I can think about is (my old boyfriend). But I figured out that his new girlfriend is the one factor preventing me from going back to him and laying my heart at his feet, which would be an utter fatality. So, I see that she is the Lord’s answer to my prayers, His preventive medicine for me, and I absolutely must swallow it. It’s agony! But it’s 100% effective…

“This is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him.” (1 John 5:14-15)

Developments with Mary

Seven weeks have passed since I last blogged about my sister Mary’s health. Against all medical odds, she has lived a very full and active life after her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, feeling tip-top for 2½ years – until last week. 13938379_926581317094_5277760914017539555_nBefore then, she rode her bike to the beach where she built sand sculptures and played games with grandchildren. She even went tubing! She babysat for many of the children and continued to cook big meals and to entertain.     img_4103She had the energy to paint one of her bedrooms, and when the color didn’t turn out quite right, she returned to the store, bought different paint, and painted the whole thing again the next morning. But then last week arrived with a sudden onset of cancer symptoms. What had been occasional weak periods became constant. And it was difficult to sleep at night because she couldn’t get comfortable. Her abdomen filled with fluid, causing shortness of breath and extreme fatigue. She said, “Being short of breath like this gets so intense, I just can’t continue with what I’m doing. Climbing steps without stopping to catch my breath is impossible now.” Both she and her husband Bervin felt the time was right to sign up with the Michigan Hospice at Home group, which is the same organization that helped us so much when Nate was sick. Hospice responded with immediate help for Mary’s sleepless nights (a sleep aid) and her uncomfortable abdomen (a draining of the fluid). They have the desire and the expertise to deal with every symptom she will encounter, and both Mary and Bervin have strong confidence in them. Hospice’s continual question is, “What can we do for you?” Mary and Bervin have chosen to settle-in here in Michigan for the duration, in the cozy cottage where Mary and her family have come since the 1940’s. She’s enjoying the arrival of her favorite season with its cooler temperatures and beautiful trees. “We don’t know what the future holds,” she said today, “but are trusting God to see us through whatever comes.” She expresses continual appreciation for your many faithful prayers and hopes that you’ll continue. But her greatest comfort, even more than Hospice, is God himself. She’s written down her favorite Scriptures to cover any difficult days ahead, and when I asked for a sample, she recited this: You [Lord] will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal. (Isaiah 26:3-4) And here’s a concluding word from Bervin to all of you dear blog readers: img_4102Thank you, friends, for your love and concern for Mary. Some have asked if they could visit, but in the last few days her energy level has lessened substantially, so we are limiting company to family only.  I know how much Mary means to each of you, so please continue to pray for her and our family. As this news gets around, her email inbox has become jammed with messages and questions. Please understand that she cannot answer them all. Cards of encouragement, though, would be greatly appreciated… sent to our Chicago address. Your support and prayers have been such a blessing to us. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Berv, for all of us. The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” (Lamentations 3:22-24)