Category Archives: Remembering

Thanksliving

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Tom and BettyAdjusting to the death of a spouse is always a challenge, but when there isn’t a minute of warning, it’s doubly difficult. That’s what happened to my neighbor and friend, Betty, when her husband Tom collapsed in an instant.

The two of them were on their way from Michigan to Chicago’s Loop for a couple of appointments and a night in a downtown hotel. But while walking from the train, their lives took an unexpected, unwelcome turn.

Tom said he needed to sit down for a moment, after which he put his head back and lost consciousness. Thankfully a policeman nearby was ready to help, and in just a few minutes Tom was on his way to a hospital. But God’s angels had already escorted him out of Chicago and into Paradise.

Because Tom was a vibrant man full of positive energy, his absence has left a big hole in the lives of many, especially Betty. But there’s great satisfaction in knowing his eternity was and is secure. That’s because decades ago he had entrusted his life (and his death) to God.

I attend the same church as Betty and Tom, and last fall our pastor preached a series called “Thanksliving,” emphasizing the importance of living with gratitude. One Sunday he handed out rubberized bracelets with “Thanksliving” written on them, and Tom was quick to put one on.

The braceletLong after the sermon series had ended and most people’s bracelets had been put away, the pastor asked Tom when he was going to take his off. He responded that he wasn’t… just like he wasn’t going to stop thanks-living.

When he died, he was still wearing the bracelet.

Tom had made up his mind to be a thankful person, despite the fact that his life had been plagued with trouble – beginning with a motorcycle accident in young adulthood that nearly killed him and then derailed his first-choice career. But through that and other close calls with death, Tom refused to feel sorry for himself. He never complained.

Why is God so firm about insisting we always be grateful, even in dire circumstances? It’s probably because he knows that as we search for blessings, what we’re going to find is him. And when we lay hold of him, we’ll be lifted from a problem-focus to a possibility-focus.

IMG_5400All things are possible with God. But the power he promises to put into our situations will be lost on us if we don’t look to him with appreciative hearts. And that’s not all. When we choose gratitude, it’s our golden opportunity to give blessing back to God.

Betty will miss Tom for a long time to come, but after 45 years of marriage, I have a hunch the two of them were probably in cahoots on this thanksliving thing. As a  matter of fact, Betty just might decide to wear his bracelet herself.

The Lord says… “The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me.” (Psalm 50:23)

Labor and Delivery

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Most of my writing is done in the smallest room in our house. We lightheartedly call it “the library” because there are book shelves in there, but that’s a stretch.

Once in a while, though, I’ve labeled this room something else: our womb-room.

IMG_2645It’s where Nate’s hospital bed was set up during his short-lived struggle with cancer, and we kept it as quiet and safe as possible. He and I retreated there each evening, closing the small French doors behind us, to talk in low tones about important stuff.

As Nate’s need for sleep increased, he spent less time in his living room recliner and more on his bed in this room, drifting into sleep earlier each evening. As he slept, I still sat next to him, aware that each day was bringing us closer to death’s separation.

I often thought about what Nate’s doctor had told me privately: “Birth and death are both messy.” Both also require some hard labor.

A baby’s birth forces him from a dark, warm, safe environment to the bright lights, cold air, and sharp noises outside the womb. And from a baby’s perspective, life after birth isn’t all that safe, starting with his first scrubbing in the hospital nursery.

Dying has its parallels. Nate’s physical death was an exit from a womb, too, our small womb-room, with its peaceful, dimly-lit atmosphere. Just like a baby’s birth requires arduous labor accompanied by pain, Nate’s transition was laborious, too, a regimen of pain caused by disease.

These days the hospital bed is long gone, and as I sit and write in our little womb-room, I often think through the details of what went on here in the fall of 2009. I recall everything Nate went through, thankful to know that what we witnessed wasn’t as much a transition from life to death as a transition from life-with-limits to life-unlimited.

As physical birth brings great joy to a mother and father (and a smile to a baby’s face eventually), being born to eternal life is far more spectacular than that!

It means delivery from suffering of all kinds and a reunion with those we love who have preceded us there. It means the disappearance of any deficiencies and the start-up of abilities we can’t even imagine. And it means the end of all negative emotions, the uptick of all positive ones.

Best of all, though, it means talking and walking with Jesus Christ himself, along with the satisfaction of finally seeing what he looks like. It means watching his facial expressions, listening to his tone of voice, understanding his words, and feeling his touch.

I can’t imagine any labor and delivery with a better end-result than all that.

“If you remain faithful even when facing death, I will give you the crown of life.” (Revelation 2:10)

Adventureland

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A year ago when I was visiting my Florida family, the grandchildren and I went on several little-kid adventures. Two blocks from their home was a multiple-acre property with a dilapidated old barn on it, along with scattered debris that all belonged in the trash but fascinated the children: a discarded tire, a deflated Mylar balloon and it’s dirty ribbon, a cracked bowl, a broken brick, etc.

We fantasized about each item and about the barn. We named the terrain as we walked along: Midgee Mountain (small hill), Skylar Pathway, Micah Rock Pit – our own Adventureland. It was the kind of fun kids hope goes on forever, a simple activity they wanted to repeat again and again.

Open field

But between then and now, the landscape has changed. Giant trees have been removed, the barn bulldozed away, and the land leveled. All the “treasures” are gone, making it just an empty, open field with no personality at all. But we went to Adventureland anyway.

This time, though, the kids did spot one exciting find: a yellow road sign that said, DEAD END. I told them that if I’d have come across it when I was young, I’d have taken it home and hung it on my bedroom wall. Linnea quickly discouraged such a possibility, but I had a twinge of wishing it would fit into my suitcase.

Dead EndIt’s funny how the passing of time brings new trends and fads. During my college years, I had a number of road signs in my room, each with its own unique story of acquisition. All my friends admired them. But these days, that kind of thing seems silly. Times have changed.

Thankfully, some things never change — like the things God puts into place. Take character qualities, for example: being kind, loyal, gentle, fair, and so many others. These never go out of style. That’s because they’re God’s ideas for how we should behave. He’s programmed all of us to be capable of them and to respond positively to others who demonstrate them toward us.

Jesus modeled every positive character trait known to man as he dealt with the people of his day. And when we’re willing to try, it brings satisfaction to him and to those around us, and even to ourselves. It’s not always easy to be cheerful, honest, grateful, dutiful, polite, and lots more, but even a little can mean a lot. Best of all, Scripture says that if we practice even one good character trait, it’ll lead to another… and another.

As for the road sign, maybe it’ll come into a new life with the owners of our old Adventureland.

“Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” (2 Peter 1:5-7)

Praising with Mary

Blood work done on March 10th brought the good news that my cancer is growing only slowly. The bottom line remains the same, but this report was the best we could hope for. And your prayers have a lot to do with it! Thank you!