Category Archives: Remembering

It wasn’t easy.

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Some men go through life without having children, and some have only boys. In both cases, they’ve been spared one of life’s more difficult moments. They’ll never have to “give away” a daughter on her wedding day.

Nate and LinneaLittle girls idolize their daddies. That’s the way it should be, since Daddy is their first reference for what God is like. In a best-case scenario, fathers evidence God-like characteristics toward their daughters: patience, kindness, love, goodness. If a daughter grows up in a relationship with this kind of daddy, it’s easy for her to later relate to God as her loving heavenly Father.

Most fathers are fiercely protective of their daughters. Heaven help the person who intentionally harms them! This is what’s behind a father’s mistrust of adolescent boys who come calling during the dating years. Fathers see themselves as earth’s best security force for their little girls, no matter how big they get.

Margaret and her DadThen comes the greatest of all fatherly challenges, a daughter’s wedding day. Even if a man approves of his potential son-in-law, that walk down a church aisle to place his daughter’s hand in that of a young man can weaken even the strongest knees.

I remember my own wedding-walk down the long aisle of Moody Church. Clutching my dad’s arm gave me a sense of security, and I knew if I got wobbly, he’d stabilize me. But what was he thinking? I never asked.

Linnea and Nate

I did ask Nate, though, about his similar experience. He walked our Linnea down the aisle wearing an expression that said, “This is hard!” When we talked about it later, he said, “It was much harder than I thought it would be.”

And that’s the way it is for fathers who love their daughters.

But even in cases of poor fathering, no one needs to be without a perfect Father. God invites us to be his children, an offer that didn’t come without a “giving away.” Unlike earthly fathers who give away their daughters on a happy wedding day, God gave away his Son to an awful fate, a wrenching death he didn’t deserve. There is no greater sacrifice. Surely that day was excruciating for the Father, and yet he followed through.

Today we are able to reap the benefits of being children of that perfect Father. He is devoted beyond human capability and will never make the wrong call on our behalf. And if we wobble, he will stabilize us.

Although I was eager to have Dad give me away on my wedding day, I don’t ever want God to give me away. And happily, he has promised he never will.

“To all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God — children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:12-13)

Dee

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When our firstborn, Nelson, was still a toddler, we decided to buy him his first pet, the same pet most young parents often start with: a goldfish. Except for sea monkeys, nothing could be easier.

Every time little Nelson pushed a chair up to the kitchen counter to see his fish, he’d study the water-filled tank and say, “Dee-dee!” (his word for “drink”). And that’s how Dee got his name.

SANY0053As most new parents do, we considered our young offspring to be especially bright, so we carefully showed him how to shake the fish food into the water, just two quick shakes each day. Nelson  seemed to understand, following through exactly as I’d told him.

Then one day I came into the kitchen and found him kneeling on the counter, enthusiastically shaking Comet cleanser into Dee’s tank. He looked at me without the slightest bit of guilt, proud of himself for doing what I’d taught him. “Dee eat!” he said with a smile, although Dee was invisible in the cloudy green water.

CometDee’s short life came to a quick conclusion after that. Despite an immediate cleaning of the tank, within hours he was belly-up. Nelson had no trouble summing up the situation: “Dee ni-night.”

I’m sure there are times when God instructs me much the same as I instructed Nelson, hoping I’ll listen carefully and diligently follow through. Just as Dee suffered as a result of Nelson’s mistake, I often suffer from my own mistakes… or from plain old disobedience.

Sometimes God’s instructions seem too difficult (or unpleasant) to follow, so I flat-out disregard them and do what seems right to me, even if it’s the opposite of what God said. Such foolishness always results in disaster, maybe immediately, maybe later.

Goldfish.There is one big difference between my instructions to Nelson and God’s instructions to me. Our toddler wasn’t really capable of understanding the feeding ritual for a fish, so Dee’s demise was probably my fault. But God’s instructions are always rightly-matched to my ability to follow through.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you.” (Psalm 32:8)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful that little Anders had a successful first 24 hours at home.
  2. Vacationing in Florida this week has been delightful and nourishing.
  3. My heart is aching tonight for good friends who just learned their 50-something husband and father has “cancer everywhere.”

Freezin’ Fun

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Here in Michigan, our weather is really cold. Freezing, in fact. Actually, below freezing. Tonight we’ll go down to – 8 actual temperature.

Although Jack loves the cold and develops a thick coat much like a bear’s, I’m not a fan. But that wasn’t always true. The authorities in our childhood neighborhood encouraged children to play outdoors regardless of the weather, especially so when it was extra-cold. Once we got a good cold snap, the fire department would bring their high-volume hoses to a steep hill near our home and flood it till it had become a five inch-thick slab of straight-down glare ice.

Ready... set...This kid-magnet was nick-named “Suicide Hill” by firemen and children alike, though no one actually died there. It dropped down to a broad, icy beach that led to Lake Michigan’s shoreline (visible here as we slide down backwards). If we aimed just right, we could sail all the way there. Never mind that we had to dodge trees and concrete-encased bar-b-q grills along the way.

Mom, ever-ready with her camera, encouraged us to head for Suicide Hill often, sometimes taking the whole church youth group with her. Below zero? No matter. Can’t find a good sled? Go down on your rear-end.

Whee!We learned to balance with expertise, standing straight up on our clumsy buckle-galoshes all the way down the hill at high speeds. Yes there were accidents, but nothing with permanent consequences.

Yesterday I stood in my kitchen listening to a repair man describe the bumps and bruises he endured during childhood, ex- pressing gratitude for the freedom to learn by experience. “Today’s kids are stopped at every turn from having good old-fashioned fun,” he said,  “all in the name of safety.”

Immediately I thought of our heavenly Parent and the boundaries he sets for us… or doesn’t. Just as our parents let us freely experiment in the great outdoors, God allows us to do the same, never protecting us with complete safety. He gives us free rein to make decisions and follow desires however we please, opting in and out of wisdom. And he lets us experience all kinds of natural consequences, both good and bad, with the hope we’ll learn from them.

Natural consequences of our own making can be dramatic and life-altering. We’re forced to pick up baggage we might never have had to carry, had we asked our Father which decision to make in the first place. But following our own lead (often an “expensive” process) can teach us quite effectively, too.

Recently my sister, brother, and I took a drive to Suicide Hill to see if kids were still enjoying the same kind of fun we’d known. Despite the winter weather, there was no ice on the hill. Actually, the whole area had been permanently fenced off from the public.

Trudging upThe only glare-ice hills today’s kids get to experience, I’m afraid, are on video games.

“There is hope for your future, declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 31:17)