Category Archives: Remembering

God’s Balancing Act

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In communicating with my children today about their father on this 5th anniversary of his death, several of them asked if I was sad or happy in my rememberng. The accurate answer is “yes”. Sad in wishing Nate was still here, but happy because of a very special photo that came my way via text message.

British Baby 5Hans and Katy, busy with their young family across the ocean, sent a good report about their unborn baby by way of a picture taken today during their first ultrasound. When I opened the photo, I gasped a bit of delight over the high quality and good angle of this image, the perfect profile of a new family face.

Hans and Katy’s 5th child, my 10th grandchild, is expected in May of 2015, and seeing that little person so clearly today was a joy that balanced out the lingering sadness about Nate. Rather than having a roller-coaster day of ups and downs, it was a day planted between the extremes. And isn’t that the way God usually does things?

When we receive bad news, it’s often followed by something good. The opposite is true, too, good coming first, and bad after that. Our heavenly Father works at balancing our days, and if we watch for it, we’ll see it. But that part, the watching part, can be a problem. Making note of the bad things is easy. We don’t miss a one. Noticing the good ones doesn’t come as readily. Why is that?

Maybe it’s because in our deepest hearts we think we ought to experience one good thing after another, and when something bad happens, we feel we have every right to object. “Why did God let that happen? How could he be so harsh with me? What did I do to deserve this?”

At the root of our reasoning, though, is a pride that says, “If I was God, I would have done that differently.” In other words, “I think I know better than God on this issue.”

Never.

Admittedly, it’s difficult to accept the bad stuff with a good attitude. I know I’ll be working on that for the rest of my life. Just this afternoon while running errands, tears came while I was driving, when I recognized a way in which I’d acted pridefully toward the Lord by thinking the opposite of the way I should have. I need much more practice, and thankfully God is willing to give it.

Just right

And so, as this emotional day ends, God has me solidly in the middle of sorrow and joy, bad and good, sad and happy, in a balance that feels just right.

 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2

Five Quiet Years

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November 3rd is the day Nate left earth for heaven, or, as some say, changed his address. We’ve all missed him for 5 years, and I still wish we had him back.

It’s too bad I can’t mail him a letter telling him so. If I could send something to his new address, I’d be writing every single day, just like any couple in a loving relationship who find themselves separated by distance. I’d tell him what’s going on in his family and describe the many ways each of us misses him. I’d keep him up-to-date on current events and on this blog, telling him of the many readers who have come to know him through its posts.

imagesVYN70TTNBut of course trying to send a letter to heaven is even sillier than trying to reach Santa Claus. Even if I could fling a letter heaven-ward and somehow get it to Nate, I’d still have the frustration of never getting one back from him. In my 5 years without him, it’s talking to him that I miss the most. But our communicating has come to an end, at least until I rejoin him one day.

Nate was a good conversationalist and enjoyed everything from table talk with family to chit-chat with strangers. He was always willing to hash over problems, and no subjects were off limits. If I could count the discussions we would have had if he’d been here these last 5 years, they would number a thousand-plus.

And yet God hasn’t left me or any of us without people to talk to during these years, chief of which is himself. Naturally, talking to the Lord isn’t the same as talking to Nate, but in certain respects, it’s better. God is “open for business” day and night and is an expert listener. And since no time is a bad time to approach him for a talk, those thousand-plus conversations are still available.

When I think of Nate’s advice and how I wish I knew what he would say about this or that today, I can go to the Lord and voice the same longings or problems with the same openness and honesty, knowing he’ll hear my heart’s intention and never misunderstand me. I won’t be criticized, and the counsel he’ll give will be flawless.

???????????????????????????????Someday I anticipate looking into Nate’s face again and having a fresh conversation with him. We might even be able to pick up where we left off. More than likely, though, it won’t be anything like I’m envisioning, but God definitely promises eventual togetherness.

As I move into the 6th year of being separated from Nate, I’m hoping God will teach me to communicate with him better and better. And I hope one day he’ll completely fill the void left behind when Nate changed his address from earth to heaven.

Jesus said, “You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.” (Matthew 21:22)

Marking Time

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My October calendar looks like party-central: eight birthdays, two anniversaries, one birth (yesterday’s blog), two bon voyage parties, and one doggie birthday.

???????????????????????????????A special birthday this past weekend belonged to little Emerald as she turned two. She’s at that wonderful age of discovery (including that fire is hot!), and is half baby and half runaround-kid. Most delightful to witness is her language development and her gradual improvement in conversing with the adults in her life.

Never mind that we don’t understand most of what she says. Her voice inflection is just like ours, and eventually we’ll figure out what she’s talking about!

Emerald isn’t the only one making significant progress. It’s been a long two years for Birgitta as a single mom, since she’s trying to do full time college, part time jobs, and full time mothering.

When I think of her diligence in managing her many commitments, I’m reminded of the Scripture verse in Isaiah that tells us the best way to accomplish things is “line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little, there a little.” (28:10) That’s the way Birgitta is getting it all done, by making wise use of every hour of every day.

During Emerald’s party we reminisced about one year ago on her first birthday and also two years back on her day of birth. Of course she’s made dramatic leaps in her development between those milestones as all babies do, but pausing to think about them was a healthy exercise for all of us older party guests.

???????????????????????????????Life happens one year at a time but more importantly, one minute at a time. The sooner we become conscious of that and then of using our minutes wisely, the better off we’ll be. Not that we shouldn’t relax or party with some of those minutes, but the scriptural principle is that we’re to number our days… and hours.

I’ve learned a great deal by observing Emerald, but even more by watching her mommy. If we set wise goals and inch toward them day by day (line on line), then after a year has passed, significant progress will have been made.

One of my personal goals for the coming days is to pay closer attention to my conversations with Emerald. Maybe that way I’ll eventually figure out what in the world we’re talking about.

First thing in the morning, [a good woman] dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, and is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. (Proverbs 31:15,18 – The Message)