Young Love (#111)

November 6-9, 1969

After my unexpected breakdown was behind us, it was as if we were beginning afresh. I felt weightless, and though I didn’t need further confirmation that Nate and I were doing the right thing, it came anyway.

In the mailbox was a letter from Mom. It warmed me to read how particularly happy she was about her future son-in-law:

Dear Daughter – this you’ll always be. Hallelujah! You are enriching our lives by giving us a son-in-law. And this is the only route grandchildren can arrive. Wouldn’t you agree that God is blessing us “above all we can ask or think” this Nov. 29?

From MomShe went on to say the invitations had all been mailed that day (interesting timing after our yesterday), and final arrangements had been made on the flowers and music. A 5-piece string group was ready to play, and Mom had copied and sent sheet music to the 7 bridesmaids so they could begin practicing.

Ring bearer's pillowOur friend Anna had made a delicate satin and pearl pillow with our initials on it for the ring bearer to carry. Someone else had crafted a beautiful garter of blue lace and pearls, and my 3 former apartment-mates had agreed to hostess the reception along with 2 second cousins and a college pal. The 6 of them were also willing to sew their own floor-length skirts out of the velvet left over from bridesmaids’ gowns. I loved knowing everyone would match.

Enthusiasm from California continued to come to our mailbox, and Aunt Joyce wrote a meaty response to the unusual way we came into our bedroom furniture:

How absolutely and only like our Heavenly Father to care for you and Nate, His children, with bedroom furniture and all. He says, “If we cast our bread on the waters, He will return it,” and we learn from experience that not only does He return the bread, but it comes back all buttered and jammed.

 Then she wrote:

I love hearing about Nate. And “Mr. and Mrs. Nathan Nyman” sounds pretty good!

4th showerEverything was falling together, and one more bridal shower was scheduled for the weekend, this one in Nate’s home town. We left Champaign on Friday, anxious to reconnect with his parents. All the table-talk was of the wedding, and Nate’s mother showed me the gown she’d had made for the occasion – a deep chestnut-colored, floor-length velvet skirt with sparkling gold top. Completely elegant.

FullSizeRender(2)On Saturday at the shower I met several of Nate’s close relatives, including one first cousin who had recently married, too. (Above, right, with Nate’s mother [pouring], and his aunt.) His mother’s dearest friends were all there, and the event was beautifully ap- pointed with silver and crystal. Guests had gone together on a group gift, purchasing 5 pieces of our registered sterling flatware – no small ticket item.

Gorgeous handwritingThe senior Nymans would be hosting our wedding rehearsal dinner at a club near Moody Church, close enough for us to walk after rehearsing. Nate’s father, who had a gorgeous script, had hand-written invitations for each family attending – more than 50 people, including the parents of the 4 former kindergartners who would be participating in the wedding. It would be a party unto itself, and we were grateful Nate’s folks were willing.

As Nate and I arrived back in Champaign that Sunday evening, we counted only 20 days until we would be Mr. and Mrs. Nathan Nyman. And Aunt Joyce had been right….

That sounded pretty good!

“May he grant your heart’s desires.” (Psalm 20:4)

Young Love (#110)

November 5, 1969

Sitting togetherAs Nate and I sat next to each other, my crying gradually tapered off and finally stopped. But we sat there a long time. He softly spoke words of loving commitment to me but promised we wouldn’t marry unless I was completely sure. I couldn’t imagine how difficult it must have been for him to speak those words. He was all-in, and I had one foot out the door.

Listening carefully, I did hear his pledge of unwavering love, but the massive wave of doubt that had washed over me had nothing to do with that. I’d never questioned the sincerity and depth of his love. As he continued to talk, though, I focused on something else he said, something that was far more important at the moment.

What I had heard was that he’d given me complete freedom to leave the relationship, if that’s what I wanted. Rather than trying to convince me to stay, he had opened the door. He was telling me I could exit without any misgivings.

I thought of how Christ-like that was. Jesus loves us but never forces us to love back. We can walk away if we want.

It was Nate’s willingness to let me walk away that began my turn back toward him. In my heart I knew that I sincerely loved him and that if I walked away, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

By the time we got up from our chairs, worn out from the ordeal, I had recommitted to him…. and to marrying on November 29.

“You have comforted me by speaking so kindly to me.” (Ruth 2:13)

Young Love (#109)

November 4, 1969

One of the major adjustments to marriage is learning to live with someone of the opposite sex. Most people have had roommates, but usually college-style – girls with girls, and guys with guys.

Nate was getting his first dose of the emotional difference between women and men as he watched me fall apart. The crying wasn’t as upsetting to him as the not knowing what to do. Try as he might, he couldn’t figure it out. And I either wouldn’t or maybe couldn’t tell him what was wrong.

Finally I said, “What if we’re making a mistake!”

“What kind of mistake?”

“Getting married I mean! I don’t know! I don’t know!”

There was a long pause, and I realized my crisis had just become Nate’s, too.

I continued sobbing. “The invitations are going out, and I’m not sure anymore!”

envelopesJust a few days before this we had talked about neither of us having any second thoughts and how great that was. Over the months God had reassured us again and again that he was in favor of our union. And both families were enthusiastic about our plans. So what was the problem?

Sitting down next to me, Nate put his arm around me and calmly said, “I want you to know there is nothing that can’t be stopped or unwound. The invitations haven’t been sent. And they don’t have to be.”

I’m sure his heart was pounding as he watched me unravel. No doubt he wondered if our relationship was unraveling, too. But if he was panicky, he never let it show.

BoxesI swept my arm toward our wall of gift boxes and kept going. “Yes, but what about all those? Oh my word…”

“All those gifts can be returned,” he said, pulling me close. “Don’t worry about any of that. We can fix it all. And there’s no law that says we have to get married on November 29.”

My only response was whimpering and sniffling. Nate reached in his pocket and gave me the handkerchief he always carried. Twisting that in my hands seemed to bring a measure of calm.

We sat this way for a long time without saying anything more. Nate never stopped holding me firmly, a powerful example of “love is patient.”

He waited for me to say something, and finally I did. “Am I going crazy?”

“Not at all. I think lots of people get nervous about getting married. It’s very natural.”

“Yeah, but…. it’s usually the guy,” I said, giving him a weak smile.

“Not this guy,” he said, kissing me on the forehead.

I buried my face in his chest. “I’m worried that marriage might be harder than we think, and we might be disappointed. You might be disappointed…. in me.”

“Never,” he said. “Each day that goes by, I love you more and more. Whatever comes along, we’ll be able to work it out. I know we will. I’m sure of that.”

The only thing I could think to do was grab onto him and hold on tight.

(…to be continued)

“When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.” (Psalm 94:19)