Category Archives: Remembering

Sneak Peek #21

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Whenever you’re struggling with loneliness, remind yourself that your children are priceless gifts from God, and He is highly invested in your efforts as a mother. He stands ready to help meet your needs, whatever they are. All you have to do is speak to Him, tell Him what you’d like help with, and He’ll deliver it.

Once in a while He’ll even meet a need through the children who are making you feel isolated. I (Margaret) remember a time when my fourth and fifth babies were ages one and two. As I reached into the dryer to pull out clean laundry, they stuffed it back in. If I folded a shirt, they snatched it off the pile and shook it out. When I wasn’t watching, one of them would climb inside the dryer and sit on the clothes.

None of this was earth shattering, but not being able to do my work that day put me over my tipping point. Out loud, through sobs, I said, “Lord! It’s not like I’m asking to read a magazine or take a bubble bath! I’m just trying to fold laundry!”

My two-year-old sensed trouble and immediately wrapped his pudgy little arms around my leg. “Lubb-ooo,” he said in a soothing tone, looking up at me. He tried to comfort his mother the only way he knew how. It worked, and I could smile at him through my tears.

For all I knew, it was the Holy Spirit himself who spoke through little Klaus that day, because his “lubb-ooo” was so effective. God knew my need and met it well. Let God know what you want Him to do for you, and He’ll help you in some very creative ways.

SIDEBAR:

WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS IN MOMMY

  • Get up ahead of your children.
  • Ask your husband to help in one specific way.
  • Pencil in some mommy time.
  • Resist feelings of guilt for time alone.
  • Nap with your little ones.
  • Talk with another mother.
  • Hum a tune.
  • Enjoy a hearty laugh.
  • Listen to worship music.
  • Go to bed earlier.

Sneak Peek #20

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

One thing both of us found helpful was spending time with a mother-mentor. Keep your eyes peeled for possibilities, perhaps someone you already know. A mentor should be a woman you admire for her Christian character and love of family. How does she relate to her children and to those of others? Ideally, she will be about a decade ahead of you in her mothering, although it can work with someone older too.

After you’ve chosen your would-be mentor (but haven’t yet approached her), dialogue with God about her. Ask several important questions: “Will this person be an encouraging voice for me? Will her advice be grounded in godly wisdom? Might she fulfill a counseling role in regard to my mothering problems? Does she have a sense of humor? Does she walk closely with the Lord?”

Once you’ve prayed about it, expect God to give you the answers to your questions, along with the “when” and “how” of approaching her. Many mature women are willing to meet with younger moms, but if they aren’t asked, they won’t initiate it. That part is up to you. 

It might seem scary to ask someone to mentor you, so just think of it as an invitation to one conversation. Our suggestion would be to avoid directly asking for mentorship. Instead, ask if she’d be willing to drop by for a cup of coffee some time. Offer a few possible dates and see how she responds.

You might say you want to “pick her brain” about mothering, knowing she’s a bit farther along than you. Then, if she agrees to come, have your questions ready.

“When you had a child the age of mine, how did you handle such-and-such?” or “I’m expecting our second baby and am worried I won’t love him as much as I did the first. Did you ever feel like that?” Ask her to recount her own mothering experience. She’ll be delighted that you want to know.

SIDEBAR: A GOOD MENTOR IS…

  • Experienced
  • Wise
  • Willing
  • Hand-picked
  • Seasoned
  • Godly

Sneak Peek #18

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

The uniqueness of children is one reason they fascinate us. Some are malleable, like peanut butter. Others are unbending, like peanut brittle. Such radical differences definitely make your job more difficult, and you long for even one way you can treat your children the same without doing damage to somebody. Is there such a thing? The answer is yes.

One thing all children need equally is a mommy who’s glad to be with them. During the early years, they can never get enough of you, and seeking your attention is their way of asking, “Do you still love me?”

They want to know, “Do you love me when I’m acting out? When I’m dirty? When I’m loud? Sick? Disobedient? Messy? Tired?” They’re also interested in the flip side: “Do you still love me when you’re tired? When you’re sick? When you’re working hard?” And they hope for a yes every time. Raising children presents never-ending challenges, but as you do this important work, always remember: peanut butter and peanut brittle both taste good.

SIDEBAR: WHAT NOT TO SAY TO YOUR CHILD

  • Why can’t you be like your brother?
  • You’re a bad girl.
  • You don’t measure up.
  • You’re too big to wet your pants.
  • There’s nothing to be afraid of.
  • Sometimes I don’t like you.
  • You aren’t as valuable as your sister.
  • I don’t know what to do with you.
  • You do things wrong.
  • Just wait till your daddy gets home.
  • I knew you would make a big mess.
  • You are hard to love.
  • You’re a disappointment to me.
  • I wish you’d never been born.