Nelson’s journal 6/17/22

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Margaret

Scripture outlines the best way for people to live. Following God’s advice will guarantee a satisfying, productive life, but oh how difficult it can be to actually live that way.

In today’s journal entry, writing as a man who has a deadly cancer, Nelson tries to convince himself not to fear what hasn’t happened yet.

>>>>>>>>>>

June 17, 2022

“Been journaling a fair amount up here in Rochester [MN], our new home, since we arrived about a month ago. It’s been tough with all the pain and pain pills, to stay motivated to write and do academic stuff. Funny that the things you worry about seldom happen, and the ones you never think of, actually do.

Take my condition here. In years past I worried a fair amount about being gone from my extended family out in Hawaii or India or wherever I was traveling, and missing things, thinking that maybe someday I’d regret it.

I thought maybe one day, when Mom gets sick or dies, that I’d wish I had been around. But believing I was called to be where I was, combined with Mom’s blessing on it, justified staying the course.

Then all of a sudden one day, in the ER in Kona, I was told “Cancer” by the doc as I was admitted for a 5 day stint. We bailed on the islands in record-breaking fashion and started living here in an apartment and even inviting Mom to live with us, and she’s been our roommate ever since.

Now she and I are spending time together, not mission-out or anything. The only thing is: we are not here because she’s sick, but it’s me instead. What I feared didn’t happen, but something else did, something I never thought about that brought about the same result, and even quicker.

Got the news May 10th, were on a flight the 15th, landed in MN the 16th, moved into our apartment the 17th. I had a MN driver’s license the 18th.

I feared all my partying might catch up to my health, but the cancer I have isn’t connected with smoking or exposure to chemicals, they tell me.

Worry for tomorrow is always a threat and constant battle, but it’s usually so misdirected and incorrect.

>>>>>>>>>>

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)

Nelson’s journal 6/6/22

Posted on June 16, 2023 by Margaret

It’s been three weeks since Nelson last journaled, 21 days of unexpected change and increasing pain.

He, with Ann Sophie and baby Will, made the quick decision to leave YWAM open-endedly in order to pursue medical care for Nelson. Cousin Luke convinced them to move to Rochester, Minnesota, 80 miles from his home, to be treated at the Mayo Clinic.

On May 16, after packing two suitcases with clothes but taking nothing else, they left their Kona apartment and everything in it, as well as their jobs, their cars, and their history there. The destination was Luke’s house where he generously told them they could stay as long as they wanted.

I drove north from Michigan on that same day, meeting them at the Minneapolis airport with Luke. Their planned future had been erased, and whatever was going to replace it was unknown…all of it.

Job one was to find a place to live that was near Mayo’s. Nelson had looked at apartments on his laptop from his Kona hospital bed.

So we started there, and secured a small two-bedroom apartment to call home—with literally nothing in it.

But Luke came to our rescue yet again, providing multiple pieces of stored furniture he said he didn’t need. We were immensely grateful.

During these three weeks, Mayo was doing a thorough analysis of Nelson’s health. We learned it wasn’t lymphoma after all but was far worse: stage 4 lung cancer. Nelson was meeting with doctors and scan techs every day, giving blood and receiving a measure of breathing relief by having his lung drained repeatedly.

Even still, he’d suffered three more panic attacks, unable to get enough air. Each resulted in a rush to the ER, the last one requiring hospitalization.

>>>>>>>>>>

June 6, 2022

Sitting in this hospital room for the second night trying to get a handle on the vomiting and pain caused by opiates and fluid in my lungs. They’ll put a stint in tomorrow morning so I can drain it on my own.

Lots of panic in the night time. Hard to keep my mind through it all. Been at the breaking point many times, hanging over the toilet and trash cans. It’s so painful and scary, but I know God is here somehow. =\]

>>>>>>>>>>

”The Lord himself will be with you. He will never leave you.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Happy Birthday to Nelson

Posted on January 26, 2023 by Margaret

Today is Nelson’s birthday. Well, it was.

Being in Paradise as he is, he’s been given the supernatural gift of agelessness. No matter how old the rest of us get, Nelson will never age past 49. But each year when his birthday came around, planning a party was always last choice on his list. He believed what his grandpa had told him long ago, that birthdays shouldn’t be a big deal, because everyone had one every year.

But as the years passed, Nelson touched lightly on growing older in his journal entries. He also used these diaries to puzzle through problems by way of written words. Each page, then, was a mix of thinking and praying “out loud.”

These journals now belong to Ann Sophie, and though she wouldn’t have looked into them while Nelson was still with us, now she’s free to read . As she and Astrid, little Will and I have commemorated Nelson’s birthday here in Minnesota today, we’ve enjoyed reading aloud from his writings, sometimes laughing through our tears, and sometimes finding surprises. Here’s an entry from the day before his birthday, written one year ago, shortly before cancer invaded his world:

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Thursday 1/25/2022 7:08 PM

I turn 49 tomorrow. We’re having a baby boy in March, which is about to be next month. New things are happening, and yesterday a possible door opened for a career change I sort of looked for, but didn’t do more than talk about.

Tim, our electrical on campus has been working for us a lot. I’ve seen him, talked to him, and fantasized about getting a trade I could use anywhere to work and supply for my family, and have fun doing it.

I’ve been in “ministry” for a long time and You have supplied for me there without question, Lord. We have always more freedom and more than enough money. We have connections in YWAM all over the place, and it’s our home for now.

The apartment we have is great and the campus seems happy to have us. However, I have been praying and fasting about how to handle having a baby and if anything should change.

Yesterday, I saw Tim walking by building D and asked him for a job, essentially, and he said he’s short guys and would work out a deal with me for between $18-25 hr. It would take me 3 years to get my journeyman’s license to go out on my own, if I wanted to. Really, that’s my goal.

I have thought about what it would be like to pastor the church and work a normal job, sort of a bi-vocational existence. You don’t know until you try. Annso says she has to be forced into her blessings, or something like that, and she trusts me to make the right choice.

But it doesn’t seem possible to staff the Kokua Crew and work 7-3, M-F for another outfit.

I pray, Lord, that you would make it clear what I should do with this opportunity. Should I take it? Would that mean leaving YWAM altogether? Could Annso stay on staff technically and I be off? Could that work having a new baby? Didn’t we want her to be totally off staff? Would that mean we are done with BBC [Brentwood Baptist Church]?

I pray, Lord, you would expose any ulterior motive, but be merciful. We are all motivated selfishly and out of pride when it comes down to it. I have been given these premonitions before and you have led me when I didn’t know where I was going and it didn’t make sense.

Friday, 1/26/2022, Nelson’s birthday

Today is my 49th birthday. I lost track a little in there and thought maybe I was turning fifty. I am becoming a father at 49. How about that. Might even do a career change this year too. How crazy would that be?

Annso and I prayed about the offer with Tim to work and start becoming an electrician, and seemed to get a yes. She is reluctant because it’s a change, and I have to make it attractive to her, too. For me it helps us in lots of ways and gives us a break from YWAM, which we both need. Allows us to continue to pastor the Little Red Church, which I have always wanted to do.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Nelson recorded these notes/prayers one year ago today. He had no idea it would be his last birthday. But for him, the clocking of time has ended, and eternity has begun. Actually, eternity has begun for the rest of us, too. But with our feet still firmly planted in this world, we can’t yet see it as clearly as he does.

“This is eternal life, that they know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” (John 17:3)