Category Archives: Saying Goodbye

Young Love (#102)

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October 26, 1969

 

As Nate and I drove back to Champaign from Wilmette, we needed to make a decision about my safety in the apartment. Living alone until we were married had left me vulnerable when several young men had attempted to break in. Nate expressed extreme concern, telling me it was his job to protect me. But neither of us knew how to fix the problem.

One bedHe could move in with me, but both of us knew we wouldn’t be able to resist each other physically, especially since we only had one bed – the one that pulled out of a closet. And we both wanted to hold out until we were married (which was already difficult enough). To compromise after we’d come this far seemed like too big a defeat.

As the miles clicked away, we discussed our options:

  1. Nate could move in with me, and we could try to maintain purity.
  2. We could continue to live separately and hope no further incidents occurred.
  3. I could advertise for a roommate on the university bulletin board (for one month).
  4. We could trust God to protect me.
  5. I could be more diligent about locking both locks on both doors.

The thought of option #1 brought immediate comfort to both of us. But to do that was to make a decision based on the fear something bad was going to happen. I liked the sound of #4. If I continued to live alone, counting on God to protect me as he already had, we could also count on him protecting our desire to wait for sex till marriage.

I said, “After all, those guys didn’t get in. And I wasn’t hurt.”

“Yes, but you were hurt emotionally.” Nate said. “Both of us were.”

“But, I know God will heal all of that.” I said. “He will.”

“But what if something else happens? And what if God chooses not to step in? I would feel like it was my fault…. again.”

“I guess we have to believe that if that ever happened, he’d walk us through a recovery then, too.”

Besides, it wasn’t just in the apartment that bad things could happen. And it wasn’t just to me. Nate could become a victim, too. There were no guarantees about safety.

DowntownWhen we pulled up to our apartment, we were still hashing it out. After making multiple trips up the stairs with our gift boxes, we finally sat down and looked at each other. The time had come to decide. I felt completely bonded to Nate and knew he would do anything to keep me from suffering in any way. But as I studied his face, I could see he was going to let me make the final decision.

In the end, I opted for a combo of numbers 2, 4, and 5. We would continue living separately, relying on God for protection (wherever we were), and would be more diligent about locking doors.

When Nate finally drove away that night, for the first time I thought it best not to stand in front of the window and wave.

“The Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.” (2 Thessalonians 3:3)

Young Love (#98)

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October 18 – 19, 1969

 

The folks.In all the wedding excitement, Mom and Dad had a reason of their own to celebrate. It was their 28th anniversary, and as always, their weekend was crammed with activity. Mom was planning and attending a bridal shower, painting the living room, teaching Sunday school, playing the organ in church, shopping for drapes, making airport runs, and studying music choices for our wedding.

My Aunt Joyce and Uncle Edward (Dad’s brother) had come to town on their way from Washington DC back to California, and Nate and I had dearly hoped to join in on the fun. It was always a special treat to spend time with my aunt, my mentor, and yet things were happening in Champaign, too.

Nate was bearing down on his law studies with mid-terms on the horizon and was also hunting for a part time job.

As Mom and Dad’s anniversary came closer, I realized I hadn’t planned ahead for a gift or good wishes and decided to send a telegram – the only way to get a message to them quickly, apart from a phone call. I thought a telegram might make a bit of a splash…. and knew it would get there on time.

In the end, it was a good thing we stayed in Champaign. Our newspaper ad for the Corvette was getting a lively response, and the first young man who came to see and drive it, ended up buying it. Nate stood nearby as this guy and his buddy spent 2 hours inspecting every inch of the car. They even pulled the front end up onto a curb and squeezed themselves beneath it, conversing under there about what they were seeing.

Selling the Corvette

Finally, well after dark, they began negotiating with Nate. He told them multiple parties had called in response to the ad, and by the time he climbed the stairs back to our apartment, he had the cash-in-hand – our full asking price.

Though it was sad to watch our beautiful car pull away with two strangers in its red bucket seats, having made the sale brought us one step closer to a practical replacement vehicle.

As the weekend closed, Mom sat down and wrote us to say thanks for the telegram and to report on their anniversary festivities. At the end of the letter she showed her love for Nate in an unusual way.

HappyShe surmised we were having fun together in Champaign but decided to caution me about overdoing it. She wrote, “Keep in mind, little girl, that Nathan must study. No time for frivolities until the Christmas break.”

Little did she know that he was the one initiating most of those frivolities.

“There is a time to laugh… and a time to dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:4)

Young Love (#96)

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October 4 – 12, 1969

Nate and I found great joy in flipping our calendar from September to October so we could officially say, “Next month we’ll be married!”

With the arrival of beautiful fall weather and pretty leaves, we established an evening walk each night after supper. Our six-flat apartment building was in a charming older neighborhood with streets of brick that were much like cobblestones — a delightful place to walk and dream about being husband and wife.

TogetherFrom my journal: “Back on July 4th in that Holiday Inn room, I wrote and officially sealed my pledge of loyalty, support, love, and devotion to Nate. And since then I have felt like I wanted to re-pledge and double-pledge to him, because my heart has been continually growing in love for him. When I look at Nate, I just about fall over with appreciation for who he is. And his love for me makes me feel unbelievably secure. I never knew I was capable of this depth of devotion. Really!”

Guilt sometimes nagged at me when I thought of Mom and Dad working so hard back home to plan our wedding while we went about our daily routine somewhat insulated from the hub-bub. So the next Sunday we decided to make an unannounced trip to surprise my folks and do what we could to help. Skipping our own church service to drive the 3 hours home, we arrived at the Moody Church steps just as Mom and Dad were coming out, and our surprise was a big hit.

Guest listsWe, along with Mary, Bervin, and several aunts, went out to lunch and “talked wedding.” Afterwards, we gathered around Mom and Dad’s kitchen table, finalizing the guest list and choosing a couple of October dates when we could return to address invitations. Although we had to head back to Champaign after just a few hours, we had participated in advancing wedding plans…. at least a little.

Just before we left, Mom let us know another bridal shower was being planned, this one at our friends the Elsen’s large home in Evanston. I determined then that the first order of business back in Champaign would be to complete the stack of thank you notes I hadn’t yet written for gifts we’d received at the first shower. Another one seemed too good to be true.

A friend gets a rideWe decided to drive the Corvette back to Champaign, planning to place a want-ad in the newspaper. A quick sale would bring the money needed to fund a replacement car, or at least some of it, and I could see it all coming together on one of those invitation-addressing-weekends. (Right: a family friend asks for one last sit-down in the ‘Vette.’)

Just before waving goodbye, I asked Mom when their kitchen remodel would be finished. The tear-down hadn’t even started yet — and our wedding was only 6 weeks away. She patted me on the shoulder and said, “Don’t you worry about all that, honey. It’ll get done in time.” But looking over at Dad’s furrowed brow, I had my doubts.

“Prepare your minds for action.” (1 Peter 1:13)