Category Archives: Saying Goodbye

Young Love (#60)

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My mind was racing a mile a minute as I opened the apartment door and saw my old boyfriend standing there with another guy. I had worked hard to get him out of my mind in previous weeks, but even with effort, there was still a shred of a bond between us. My hands began to shake, and I so wished Nate was standing beside me. But my partner was far away, and I had to deal with this alone.

Emotions are a tricky thing. Attachments from the past can be reawakened by a song, a scent, a picture. And the picture I saw standing in front of me was wreaking havoc in my mind. The only thing to do was leave the room until I could get some measure of control.

a-bathroomI excused myself to the bathroom where I cried out to a God I knew would hear me and rescue me. I asked for a calm, logical spirit to be able to cope with my spinning thoughts and the two young men standing in my living room.

Now… to continue quoting from my letter of explanation to Nate, who was hundreds of miles away:

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God heard my prayer and calmed me down considerably, enough to go back to converse with them. I asked what they were doing downtown, and it was less than a minute when they suddenly noticed my engagement ring. He [old boyfriend] said, “Hey! Wait a minute! What’s this?” And grabbed my hand. I was so proud to tell them of our engagement, about when it happened, and when our wedding would be. I was bursting with joy over you, in my words to them. He just couldn’t believe we were engaged. They invited me to go out with them (saying we would celebrate the engagement), and though we did leave the apartment briefly, we were back in minutes. He was quite sullen and quiet after he’d seen our ring and quickly became anxious to leave. I was relieved to see them go, so that I could get with the Lord in prayer and go back to 1 John. God confirmed for me immediately the rightness of our marriage and my ever-growing love for you, my future husband. I love you so much! YOUR Meg.

July 15, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Would you be up for coming down here on Sunday just for the day (20 July), if I can confirm it in a phone call? I really want to be with you. I miss you. I will try to call you Saturday, 19 July, in the early evening. You were very honest with me about your boyfriend’s visit, how long it lasted, and that he saw your ring and now realizes the completeness of the engagement. I love your honesty and your beautiful soul (praying in the bathroom) so much that I could cry. I am confident he has high enough regard for our decision to respect it by leaving us alone now. If the devil was testing you, you passed with Christ’s blessing! Excellent! I’m proud of you!

July 16, 1969 – Dear Nate. You are amazing, the way you love me no matter what. I’ve never known someone who loves like that… except, of course, the Lord. I am longing to have you with me. I need you! I’m glad we decided to get married earlier rather than later. The distance between us isn’t helping anything.

July 16, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I am very secure in your love and loyalty. I’m glad we made the decision to have each other only, and no others in any capacity on the side – that we realized lateral relationships can destroy a marriage. You’re a fabulous Christian woman. I love you! I love you, no matter what.

“So will I ever sing praises to Your name, as I perform my vows day after day.” (Psalm 61:8)

Young Love (#51)

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happy-togetherAfter a perfect proposal in a Kansas Holiday Inn room, Nate and I enjoyed 3 glorious days together dreaming of our bright future. But on July 6th, we said emotional goodbyes and went back to living 575 miles apart. It wasn’t easy, but Nate had only 3 more weeks of Army camp before graduation. After that we would be together every day. At least that was the plan.

The next hurdle was telling my parents we’d gotten engaged.

July 6, 1969 – To my friend, future husband, and future lover. Saying goodbye to you about an hour ago was just a temporary halt to our pleasure in being together. The last 3 days have been so meaningful that all I’m feeling is gratitude to the Lord for abundant grace in His dealing with both of us, seeing to it that every detail is being provided for as we make progress together. The thought of being your wife brings me great pleasure! I love you! (Smack-a-roo!)

July 6, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I love you! I feel so secure in your love and in my faith in Jesus Christ. This week, Tuesday through Saturday, I’ll be out on bivouac again. But I know these next weeks will sail by! And I hope you will be able to come to Ft. Riley for my graduation from this ROTC camp – July 25.

July 6, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m going to pray for you often as you go on bivouac, and there will be lots of letters and wedding details sent your way while you’re in the field. When things get hard, just think about our wedding. You are unlike any man I’ve ever met. You’re more understanding of me than anyone else, including my own parents. I’m going to do my best to understand you the same wonderful way.

July 6, 1969 – Dearest Meg. What do you think about “1 Corinthians 13” being engraved inside our wedding rings? When I got back to the fort I read through it again, all about love. That kind of love is what I have for you and what Christ has for us and for all humanity.

July 6, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m about to get on the train headed away from Topeka toward Chicago. I’ll be staring at my ring the whole way! It’s so beautiful! I’m very glad we called your folks tonight before we parted. I hope they are pleased that we thought of them and decided to call. I should say YOU thought of them. You always know the right and best thing to do. As for my parents, don’t worry. It’s best to show them as well as tell them. I’m sure, now that you gave me a ring, things will run on a smooth course. Besides, the Lord is on our side.

July 7, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I’m remembering your love of music and the sound of your singing, and both thrill me – beautiful and sexy. I love you! And I’m so glad to be formally engaged to you. Ecstatically happy! Every night I pray for us. Sometimes I ask myself, how can one woman be so beautiful?

momJuly 7, 1969 – Dear Nate. I did it! I went home and made our announcement to Mom, Dad, Aunt Agnes, Mary, Bervin, and Tommy. I was a little nervous about Dad and didn’t want to shock him. But my main concern was Mom. I showed Dad first, and I could see on his face he was going to be ok. He looked closely at my ring and said, “Your Ma didn’t do as well in the diamond department. I paid $145 for her engagement ring. Nate is a very generous person!” Of course Mom’s ring was bought in 1940! As for Mom, when I showed her, she threw her arms around me and congratulated me. I was so glad! At last their feelings are catching up to ours. Yippee!

engaged1“A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul.” (Proverbs 13:19)

Young Love (#44)

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As Nate thought about how he was going to propose, I was finishing up the school year in Chicago, mourning the loss of my sweet students. Trying not to think about never seeing them again, I focused more on my planned move to Champaign before the next school year began.

the-folksNate and I were writing to each other multiple times each day, sharing wedding ideas and making plans, and I barely noticed that I hadn’t clued in my parents on most of it — never considering how they might want to do things.

June 26, 1969 – Dear Nate. Today another teacher and I took our 40 kindergarteners to a nearby fire station (on foot) and had a blast. The kids got to see a fireman slide down the pole, blow the sirens, and pull out the hook ‘n ladder truck. It was very successful and seemed to energize the kids, but we were both exhausted when we got back to school.

June 27, 1969 – Dearest Meg, future wife. I’m writing at 2:00 AM after cleaning my field gear (tent, shovel, pack) and cleaning the latrine. Oh, this Army… At least they’ve let me keep my hair long. I know you like it that way. I’ve been thinking what a great Guide Jesus Christ is. He’s the only one with infallible advice for Meg and me.

June 27, 1969 – Dear Wonderful Nate. Your favorite kindergartener, little JoAnn, found an old jelly bean in the doll dishes today when we were doing a final clean-up of the classroom. She got so excited! It was filthy, but I didn’t have the heart to take it away from her — she ate it. I reminded the children about your visit and that you were the one who had hidden all the jelly beans. They all remembered you, which made me very happy. By the way, I wrote again to both school boards down state, Champaign and Urbana. No responses yet, but I’m not discouraged.

June 27, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I got a letter from my mother today. She said she got a look at your ring before my father mailed it, and she thinks you will be very pleased. She also wrote this: “I want to write Margaret and tell her how happy we are to have her in the family, and I also want to write her mother to show our approval of your engagement.” This all makes me really glad.

novemberJune 27, 1969 – Dear Nate. A little bad news here. I went to my folks’ place for dinner yesterday to talk about wedding stuff, since Mom is beginning to make waves about a November wedding. Our discussion didn’t go well. Mom thinks it would be better for me to stay in Chicago until you graduate from law school, teaching one more year here. She wants us to get married next summer. I tried my best not to get really angry at that bizarre suggestion. Apparently I hadn’t told them I was already looking for a job in Champaign and was planning to move there this August, two months from now. It doesn’t help that my brother will also be making a move that same month, from Wheaton College to American University in Washington DC. He’s very excited about leaving, as am I, and I think Mom is feeling “blue” because her kids will all be gone. It was a touchy conversation, but she isn’t on board at all. I’m not sure where to go from here. I wonder what she’ll say when I appear with a ring?

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19)