Category Archives: Saying Goodbye

Young Love (#33)

Posted on by

In Chicago, as I spent my days with 51 kindergarteners, my thoughts were always on Nate. In Champaign, as he spent his days with law books and military men, his thoughts were always on me. But our thinking looked very different.

He was focused on “being worthy” of me, and I was focused on my own unworthiness. On many days, as I reflected on Nate’s wholehearted love, I wondered what in the world he saw in me. I could hardly believe how thoroughly he loved me when so often I was selfish and unlovable. And I began to worry that once we were married, he would be disappointed in me. I committed in my heart I would do my very best for this one who loved me with such abandon.

May 18, 1969 – To my wonderful Nate. The early, early morning is a wonderful time to be alive. I took a short walk in the city this morning because I got ready early, and the sun’s sparkle on everything just cheered me so much. If I get a job down near you, even before we are married we can have breakfast together sometimes and maybe take a sunrise walk, too. And when marriage finally rolls around, wowie-zowie!

sun-bestMay 18, 1969 – Dearest Meg. After a good night’s rest last night, I went to church this morning at the Bible Church, and the pastor said some excellent things (outline enclosed). Now I’m getting ready to study, but first I’m going to say a prayer of thanksgiving for having Meg in my life. I love you.

May 19, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m so glad you love the Lord as I do. We’ll have to remember what Pastor Sweeting told us at the picnic, that people who are anticipating Christian growth mustn’t hesitate to get involved. We’ll do that after we’re married and after we’ve settled into one of the strong Bible-teaching churches in your area there. I think of you the whole way through every day. And I love those thoughts. You are one of a kind.

May 19, 1969 – Dearest Meg, my Future Wife. I’m still savoring last weekend, Saturday. It was fabulous! Flowers, lions, picnic, and Meg, Meg, Meg! I love you! Please pray for us, and also for my exams, the rest of this week.

May 20, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’ve been thinking of how much you love me, and I’m confident you always will. And I want to tell you now, if I ever even border on taking advantage of your love or taking you for granted in ANY way, EVER, then please pounce on me and tell me, because I would never never never want to be that way. Sadly, I’m less thoughtful and considerate than you. I’d never mean to take advantage of your love, but if it ever happens, I want to be stopped.

May 20, 1969 – Dearest Meg. What a fabulous woman you are! I would love to get married before January, if that would work out. Maybe September when you move here? I suppose January might be better for us family-wise, though.

teacher-photoMay 20, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’ve decided not to dwell on how many days we will be apart before we marry, but rather to think about how fortunate I am to see you as much as I do. I’m a very lucky girl to have you at all, as my almost-husband. My roommate is sure we’ll end up married by September! I told her it couldn’t happen – being too soon – but it sure does sound good. I’m still looking for a substitute Sunday school teacher. One good thing: my Sunday afternoon junior club responsibilities end after 3 more Sundays. They break for summer.

“Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.” (Philippians 4:5)

Young Love (#22)

Posted on by

After I signed off with my church guy-friend, a sense of sadness set in. I looked back fondly over 7 years of dating and felt a sharp sense of loss. Now that I was closing in on an all-out commitment to Nate, I knew that playing the dating game would have to be a thing of the past. And I wasn’t at all sure I wanted it to end.

In quiet moments I began reminiscing about the fun I’d had with dozens of wonderful guys over the years, enjoying the pursuit and the catch as much as the dates themselves. Although I believed I was gradually falling in love with Nate, the idea of marriage sounded too serious too soon. My letters to him did continue to be affirming, but it was almost like I was preaching to myself: “Grow up, Margaret! Saying yes to one wonderful person means saying no to many others. It’ll be OK.”

chocolate-bunnyMar. 23, 1969 – Dear Nate. You are so patient, considerate, and kind to me. I’m glad I’m getting to know the “real you” more and more. This past weekend was beautiful. Time spent with you is always well-planned. Thank you for the things we did, for the meal with your parents, and for the Fannie May chocolate bunny! My 3 roommates and I just finished him off.

Mar. 23, 1969 – Dearest Meg. The weekend was great! My parents really loved you. “A very sweet and pretty girl,” they said. They think we’re “a nice-looking couple” and are eager for your visit to their house during spring break. Thank you for staying over Saturday night. Without that we would have had no privacy for prayer and other activity. You’re so sweet when you’re tired and sleepy. I’ll call you about our spring break plans, probably at the usual erratic hour. My apologies to you and your roomies, whoever I may awaken.

george-sweetingMar. 24, 1969 – Dear Nate. Pastor Sweeting was excellent this week. He said we can’t be successful in life without following the steps God has in mind for us. Either extreme — being fearful or having too much self-confidence —  can make us stray from His way. You and I need to be careful in making any plans, not to fool ourselves. We want to be successful in our relationship, and I hope everything will work out well.

Mar. 24, 1969 – Dearest Meg. It’s gray and rainy here, which makes excellent dreaming weather. I sit in class, Evidence in Constitutional Law, but the subject is: Johnson, Meg. She occupies my thoughts while I’m awake and my dreams as I sleep. Meg, I love you.

Mar. 24, 1969 – Dear Nate. Two letters from you today, both good ones. I appreciate it when you pen your thoughts as they flow naturally out of you, whether deep or casual. Thank you for your honesty. I’m trying to be honest in return. I’m looking forward to the end of this evening ed course I’m taking, but have made lots of friends in this class. We’ve bonded by thinking the whole course is rinky-dink, a waste of 3 hours two evenings a week. We’re all there only to fulfill requirements for the state.

Mar. 25, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Talking to you on the phone yesterday was a fabulous treat! It made the whole day go better. I get more studying done after I’ve “spent time with” you. I’m eagerly looking forward to our week together, both at your folks’ home and mine. All the logistics will come together fine. Don’t worry.

“Love is kind,” (1 Corinthians 13:4)

Young Love (#21)

Posted on by

relaxedAlthough my old boyfriend was still popping up here and there, Nate chose to believe that “his Meg” had drawn a line in the sand and wouldn’t cross it. My words said so, and he embraced it with all his heart. Though I wasn’t ready to say yes to an engagement and the marriage that would follow, he was convinced it would happen… eventually.

As for my church friend and our continued dates, my journal told the tale:

Although he and I always have great times when we’re together, it probably isn’t fair to keep the relationship going. He’s drawn to me, but feeling a little uneasy about it. I’m drawn to him but feel a little guilty about it. Nate knows about him, but he doesn’t know about Nate. None of that seems right.

I decided to let the relationship slowly dwindle by being unavailable, though I knew that might be painful for both of us. But as I began that process, God took care of the rest. My friend decided on his own that we ought to take a break. On our last date as we talked about this, I felt a twinge of sadness – but I knew it was the right thing to do. It also meant turning full-face toward Nate, no holds barred.

Mar. 19, 1969 – Dear Nate. Your wonderful letters to me have all meant so much. You are faithful in writing, and I love each one. For example, last night I came in very late for a weeknight (2:00 AM) with my arms loaded with junk, very tired, dirty, and longing for sleep. And the first thing that greeted me was 2 ivory-colored letters from Champaign. I threw all my bundles down and ripped open the letters, reading them both twice and wishing I could call you. You made me feel so loved at that moment. What woman wouldn’t like that? I always feel good after reading what you write to me.

Mar. 19, 1969 – Dear Meg. My prayer list, which has many items, includes a prayer thanking the Lord that I fell in love with a Christian woman. You have a very healthy outlook on life, and I find myself really needing you. I love you.

cool-carMar. 19, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’m very much looking forward to meeting your folks this Saturday. But oh boy, am I nervous. I’m even breaking out in pimples. But hopefully it’ll be a lot of fun, too. And some negative news: I put a big dent in the bumper of my fabulous Corvette while doing a swift parallel parking job this morning. Drat.

Mar. 21, 1969 – Dear Nate. Your phone call at midnight last night was the highlight of my day! I was so exhausted that I had come in at about 8:00 PM and plunked down on my bed for a quick nap. The list of what I needed to do in the evening was long, but I actually woke up with your call! After we said goodbye, I went right back to sleep and slept through. Ahhh. This morning I feel fantastic… with enough energy for lots of extra kisses, if you were a little closer than Champaign! See you at 10:00 AM Saturday with an expectant, enthusiastic smile. I’m looking forward to meeting your folks, but not half as much as I’m looking forward to seeing you.   Love to you, Meg

Mar. 21, 1969 – Dear Meg. I cannot wait until the morning. There is a special feeling within me when I know I will see you in a few hours: a kind of happy anxiety. I love you very much. If you accept me by fall, an engagement then until the following summer will allow us to be absolutely certain.

Mar. 21, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’ll probably see you before you get this, but it’ll be nice to get a letter after I’m gone. I always love to come home to a letter from you. It makes it easier to accept the departure when I know your greeting is waiting. My parents are looking forward to spending time with you 2 weeks from now. We’ll have lots of fun when you come. You can take my newly-tuned Corvette for a fast spin. I won’t be taking too many fast spins for a while, at least not till I get back down to 1 traffic ticket again.

“Let all that you do be done in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14)