Category Archives: Saying Goodbye

What about The Bean?

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The Bean has been a part of our family for many years, has clocked 200,000 miles, and has been repainted six times from a can, with a brush. (“The Bean,” June 26, 2010) Because this tiny car has become a legend in 9 states, admirers have occasionally helped finance its needs. One generous friend from Texas actually bought 4 new tires a couple of years ago, more than doubling the value of the car. (Thank you, Debbie!)

This week, though, all of us got a shock. When Nelson arrived home from 10 months in a Youth With A Mission Bible school in Montana, he pulled into the driveway in (gasp) a minivan! When we waved goodbye last September, he was driving The Bean. It was wearing a new coat of snow-camouflage appropriate to Montana’s snowy climate, ready to climb mountains with its new tires. (“Back, and Better than Ever,” July 14, 2011)

Then, during the school year as Nelson and 50 others studied the Bible from cover to cover in mind-boggling depth, The Bean performed faithfully, transporting students, making airport runs, being the reliable ride it had always been. But more and more its small size became a hindrance. So as license and registration expired, an inexpensive van took its place. The Bean had earned a rest.

This week, though, there’s been mourning in the family camp. Will we ever see The Bean again? “Why didn’t you bring it home?” we all asked Nelson, but of course none of us volunteered to finance new license and registration or pay to update several mechanical issues. In other words, if we really wanted The Bean to come home, we should have put our money where our mouths were.

Scripture says something similar, that we’re to be doers of the Word and not hearers only. We can listen to everything the Bible teaches and nod in agreement, but if we’re not acting on its principles, maybe Scripture’s truth has gone in one ear and other the other. After we hear it, God watches closely, hoping we’ll do something practical with what we’ve learned.

Of course it would be easier to study the Bible and then just keep it to ourselves. I’m a pro at that: “Thank you, Father, for such wonderful knowledge.” But if I take it in and lock it up, I’ve missed God’s intention.

When Nelson’s school ended last week, the staff told all the students, “You’ve worked hard these 10 months and learned a great deal, but God didn’t bring you here to stockpile knowledge so you could keep it to yourself. He wants you to do something with it.”

That’s what’s motivated Nelson (and others) to plan on returning to Montana in September for “The Titus Project,” an outreach focused on teaching them how to be teachers of others. And maybe when Nelson gets there, he’ll even be picked up at the airport by someone driving The Bean.

“Be doers of the word, and not hearers only.” (James 1:22)

A Reminder to Remember

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After people die, their words gain in importance. We may have listened to what they said when they were with us, but we hear them with greater intensity after they’re gone.

For example, Nate chose a passage of Scripture as his favorite and never wavered as the years passed. Paul’s words in Hebrews 12:1-3 struck a chord with him because of the reference to running the particular race “set out before us” by God. In Nate’s view, each life-race looked different, some set on less strenuous courses than others, but our task was to run the one assigned to us, as best we could.

While Christmas shopping in December, I came across a tiny plaque with a portion of Hebrews 12 on it. When I saw it, I glommed onto it like it was a piece of Nate himself. Of course I know Scripture belongs to everyone, but the fact that it was his favorite passage linked it to him in a way that gave it more significance to me. Because he loved it, I’ll always love it.

The same holds true for someone’s personal belongings. Increased value post-death is what prevents a widow from cleaning out her husband’s closet or giving away what he owned. Even his scent, still hanging in the threads of his clothes, becomes precious, a reason to refrain from washing or dry cleaning his wardrobe.

Scripture makes good use of this principle. Jesus knew that those hearing his words were absorbing only part of the message while he was with them. Strangers listening on a hillside often turned and walked away, unable to believe the outrageous truths he taught. Religious authorities argued back; and his disciples suffered confusion. But Jesus knew that after his death, his words would take on greater potency, more effectively moving hearers to believe what he’d told them.

When a husband dies, that’s the end of his earthly existence, although his posthumous influence continues somewhat. But after Jesus died, he and his Father were ready with a plan that would not only continue his earthly influence but enlarge it to a world-shaking level.

He promised not to leave his followers as orphans [or widows] and said, “I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth.” (John 14:16-18) Since he’d just told them he was going away, causing them to feel low, this must have lifted them significantly. Then at Pentecost, they got their chance to meet this miraculous advocate, the Holy Spirit.

One of the Spirit’s many functions was (and is) to bring Jesus’ words and lessons to the remembrance of those he’d left behind (much like I remember Nate’s words) but to do so with added oomph, teaching and explaining what Jesus had meant in his earthly ministry. And he’s been doing it with excellence for 2000 years.

We can be forever thankful for this, because now that Jesus is no longer on the earth, what he taught has become especially precious to us.

Jesus said, “The Holy Spirit… will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” (John 14:26)

Hello, Goodbye

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Thanksgiving is an easy holiday. The menu is always the same, and it’s difficult to mess up a turkey. Relatives and friends gather for laughter and good conversation like the “other big holiday,” but compared to that one, Thanksgiving is a walk in the park. No gifts to choose, pay for, wrap, send, or write thank you notes for. No boxes of decorations to put up and take down, and no giant tree to decorate. Easy.

Like all special holidays, though, there’s a down side. It’s fun to prepare for guests and welcome them as they arrive, but at the other end of the celebration, we have to say goodbye.

Hello, goodbye, hello, goodbye.

After a loved one dies, that one permanent, painful goodbye taints all the others. As Thanksgiving guests walk out the door and drive away, we wonder if we’ll see them again. Although this seems like a morbid conclusion to a happy day, the reality of a recent death marks us permanently. We wave goodbye with “maybe-the-last” in our minds.

I remember the agonizing process of saying goodbye to Nate. During his cancer, daily losses forced all of us to inwardly say goodbye a tiny bit each day. He did the same.

The last conversation I had with his oncologist (after he’d done all he could) involved admitting death was close. The trauma of knowing a final goodbye was just ahead was upsetting, and I was hanging onto each day like a child hangs onto his mommy each time she leaves him.

On the verge of panic, I asked the doctor, “What if I wake up one morning and find out he died during the night? What would I do!”

The doctor looked me square in the eye and said, “Consider it a gift.”

That answer was alarming. After many days of partnering with Nate as he steadily moved toward our final parting, I knew that if I couldn’t say goodbye, I’d be crushed.

As I watched him decline, gradually I saw how none of that was within my control. Only God knew the day and minute Nate would leave us, and unless I wanted to live in constant fear of missing my goodbye, I had to let God have it.

That’s actually a good thing to do with all our goodbyes. As we stand and wave, none of us knows what will happen next, but we can take comfort in knowing God does. Surrendering our goodbyes to him is simply the release of something we never controlled in the first place.

Although Nate and I did get our goodbye, if we hadn’t, I know God wouldn’t have let it crush me as I’d feared. Trusting him to tend to the details of our goodbyes (and what happens after them) gives us freedom to celebrate not just special gatherings like Thanksgiving but every get-together, all year long.

BTW, there’s one goodbye we’ll never have to experience:

“My Spirit, who is on you, will not depart from you.” (Isaiah59:21b)