Category Archives: Submitting to God

Young Love (#8)

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Life bounced along at a happy pace through Christmas, as I enjoyed the attentions of one long-distance guy and another up-close one. Both relationships were moving forward, and I didn’t see any potential conflict. I even entertained thoughts of what it might be like to be married to one or the other, but didn’t try to choose.

It had been a year since I’d seen Nate, and as Dec. 27 approached, I grew more and more excited…

…until an unexpected phone call knocked me for a loop.

getting-readyIt was Dec. 26, the day before Nate was to arrive, and when I picked up the phone, my heart stopped. It was my old boyfriend. Though it had been 9 weeks since our traumatic break-up, when I heard his voice, I melted. He asked if I might want to get together that evening, just as “friends,” and in a swirl of confused but lovely feelings, I said yes.

Since there are no letters written about that night, I’ll quote from my journal:

Dec. 26, 1968 – We went out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, and it was just like old times – beautiful. Since we were now “good friends,” he was eager to tell me about his new girlfriend. As he confided in me, I had all I could do to keep my jealous feelings in check. I had to silently pray for constant support.

He told me they were making plans to move in together. Though I knew I shouldn’t have been wounded by that news (after all, we were broken up), it absolutely crushed me.

But after he was done mentioning “her,” I enjoyed every minute, relishing the time with him. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He told me he’d have to leave my house by 1:00 AM that night, but at 3:30 we were still talking. When we finally hugged goodbye, it felt good to be wrapped in his arms again. He told me he still “liked me a lot” and hoped we could have many more get-togethers. He left close to 4:00 AM.

I don’t feel much like seeing Nate tomorrow. I’ll have to really work at it. I’ve just got to get a positive attitude before then, or it’ll flop badly.

broken-heartDec. 27, 1968 – Nate comes today, but this morning all I can think about is (my old boyfriend). But I figured out that his new girlfriend is the one factor preventing me from going back to him and laying my heart at his feet, which would be an utter fatality. So, I see that she is the Lord’s answer to my prayers, His preventive medicine for me, and I absolutely must swallow it. It’s agony! But it’s 100% effective…

“This is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him.” (1 John 5:14-15)

Young Love (#6)

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As the holidays approached, Nate was feeling swamped with watching over his freshman guys and trying to keep up with a mountain of homework. But he was not too busy to continue writing letters.

As my former dating relationship gradually loosened its grip on my heart, I began, ever so slightly, to turn toward Nate in a way I never had, thinking about him more often through each day’s routine.

Nov. 24, 1968 – Dear Nate. Your involvement with these 72 undergrad men and their well-being is really something! You’ll have a wealth of experience after your job as their counselor is over. I’ll pray for your wisdom to make the decisions that are best for your men and the school. I’m already praying for your safety. And I’ve decided to mail you a Thanksgiving surprise, since you have to stay on campus through the holiday.

the-holidaysNov. 29, 1968 – Dear Meg. Without your special turkey, Thanksgiving would have been another mere holiday; with your great, multi-colored [paper] bird, it was a celebration! Thank you! I would like to visit you after Christmas. Perhaps the weekend of Dec. 27th-28h? How is that for you? By the way, after this semester, law school is half over.

Dec. 2, 1968 – Dear Nate. Thank you for writing. Your letter was good, and the 27th and 28th are reserved for you. I’m glad you’re coming. It would be great if neither one of us were disappointed with the other. I hope we will be glad. As for me, I’m very busy with my students and getting ready for Christmas. When my head hits the pillow each night, I’m utterly exhausted, but happy. I’m thinking of letting my hair grow again. I just found some pictures of senior year when it was long, though, and I look pretty witchy. What do you think?

Dec. 6, 1968 – Dear Meg. I will see you at the end of this month! I hope very much that neither of us is disappointed. My men are acting up. Last Thursday night I bailed one out of county jail on disorderly conduct arising out of a dispute in a card game. Saturday night I bailed another one out on possession of stolen property. If anyone ever asks you if college kids are wild today, you can answer yes. But to answer your question, let your hair grow long. I love it that way.

Dec. 8, 1968 – Dear Nate. The 8th grade class at my school asked me to be their chaperone on their class hayride Dec. 22. I was flattered, but here’s how they asked: “We’ve talked it over and decided you weren’t over the hill yet and might be good on a hayride.” They weren’t joking. Boy, did I feel old at 23.

Dec. 9, 1968 – Dear Nate. I’m trying to remember exactly what you look like. So I looked in my old photo album from senior year and found a picture of you talking and gesturing with my father on our front walk. Do you remember that? Below the picture is one of me with two girlfriends. Boy, was I fat.

nate-and-dadDec. 12, 1968 – I do remember standing on the walk in front of your house with your father. I also remember very much and fondly, his daughter. The thought of college does bring many good memories — especially senior year, meeting you.

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

Young Love (#2)

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When a young man is sure of his love for a certain young woman, nothing but full-blown rejection will kill his hope. So in the 1960’s, Nate subtly continued to fan the flame from afar through heartfelt letters laced with compliments and optimism, despite there still being a third party in the mix.

The Vietnam war was heating up, and the draft had been re-established. With a low number, Nate worried he’d be called up and, as he put it, “taken.” A friend of his had gone and returned in a body bag, and others he knew had come back traumatized. So he applied to join the University of Illinois ROTC program, which included an educational deferment for full time students, at least at that time.

wooingJust after Christmas, he squeezed in a quick visit to the Chicago area to see me, hoping one-on-one time would bring us closer.

Jan. 2, 1968 – (from me) I want to thank you very much for coming all this way to see me, and for the beautiful pendant and sweet cologne you brought. Thank you also for all the nice things you said and did while you were here. All of it was appreciated. Thanks again. Margaret

Feb. 26, 1968 – I am happy to get your letter. Meg, you don’t have to keep telling me that we’re just friends. I know that. I got it straight last June. No romance, but friendship… a corresponding friendship. I think you’re right when you say life can be confusing. You say you feel confused; didn’t you realize that when you go out with someone, his affection and desire for you would grow? The reason (the other boy) asks you out is that he is getting fonder of you.

Mar. 17, 1968 – Meg, I really don’t know what to write about you and (the other guy). You want advice, but you must make up your own mind. Though you say you are in a period of separation from him now, you may decide to go back to him at the end of it. The ultimate thing is for you to love him and for him to reciprocate. To me, the most important thing is for you to be happy.

April 3, 1968 – Your current situation with (the other guy) sounds like you have resolved the problem of religious differences. I think you are extremely sophisticated to view the matter as you do. Many women might childishly make demands, but you honestly offer cordiality to a good and sincere man. And both of us know how fortunate I think he is. And consider this: commitment to Christ can be found in any denomination.

a-studentMay 29, 1968 – My faith is the only thing holding me together. I’ve taken three out of five law finals, and the pressure is intense. And after a perusal of TIME magazine with its articles on Russian missiles, bio-chemical warfare, racism, and battered child syndrome, I think faith in Christ is sine qua non.

May 30, 1968 – After filling out dozens of forms, I finally got my ROTC appointment. The Army has been nice to me… 160 applicants, and they only took 16, with only 4 of those in grad school. I don’t know what I did to be so lucky, but I thank God for it each night. ROTC means I’ll have a deferment from the draft at least until I get my law degree. It means two summer camps with the Army, but I won’t have to go to Vietnam any time soon. I would like to give you a big hug, and you’d probably like to bounce the nearest vase off of my head.

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)