Dogged Determination

Posted on March 1, 2015 by Margaret

Our dog Jack loves the snow. His bear-like coat makes summers difficult, but once cold weather arrives, he’s a contented canine. Despite his waning energy and joint pain, he’s always up for a walk outdoors and often balks at going back in, even in sub-zero temps.

If I was Jack, snow would frustrate me. After all, dogs love to “catch a scent,” and taking a walk in a snow-covered neighborhood doesn’t leave much for a nose to do. That, however, doesn’t stop Jack.

Knowing the good smells are under there somewhere, he plunges his muzzle into one drift after another with dogged determination. And without coming up for air, he enjoys nosing around beneath a foot of snow until we finally tug on his leash, coaxing him to continue walking. His face comes up covered with snow as if to say, “Hey, I’m busy here!”

I admire Jack’s tenacity. He knows what he’s after and is willing to dig deep to get it. I wish I had that same dogged determination in my quest for more of God.

Back in the 1970’s there was a phrase of “Christian-ese” popular in youth groups around the country. A teen who was fully committed to Christ was said to be “following hard after God.” It meant his highest priority was to learn more about the Lord and how to obey him fully.

Recently I discovered that “following hard after God” didn’t originate in the ‘70’s after all, but was part of A. W. Tozer’s book, The Pursuit of God, written in 1948. His first chapter is titled, “Following hard after God,” a discussion of the deep satisfaction that comes in seeking God above all else. He says the results of such a pursuit include unique manifestations of Christ that can’t be had any other way.

From Tozer I learned that the expression “following hard after God” wasn’t original with him, either. He found it in the King James Version of the Bible: “My soul followeth hard after Thee.” (Psalm 63:8)

These were the words of David while he on the run in the wilderness, feeling an intense need for God. He wrote that he was “thirsty” for him, recognizing that “following hard after him” was his only hope. Pursuit of God was #1, and as we see his life played out in Scripture, his thirst for God was deeply satisfied.

In Jack’s pursuit of earth-scents, he isn’t exactly pursuing God. But he’s doing what God made him to do, which brings him deep satisfaction. And I know that if I would faithfully pursue God with that same dogged determination, my gains would be even greater than his.

“You, God, are my God; earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you. Your love is better than life. I will praise you as long as I live. I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods.” (Parts of Psalm 63)

Mary’s One Year Anniversary

Posted on February 15, 2015 by Margaret

Many of you have been faithfully praying for my sister Mary and are wondering if there’s any new information about her health. Today marks one year after she and Bervin first heard the words “pancreatic cancer.” So it’s a special day on which to hear directly from Mary:

* * * * * * * *

In February of 2014, I contracted a fever for no apparent reason, and it spiked to 105 degrees. So after a couple of days when it wouldn’t quit, Bervin and I headed for an emergency room where tests revealed the reason: a blocked bile duct just outside the pancreas. Further tests indicated that a cancerous tumor was growing in my pancreas, and when we learned this, we were devastated.

One month later, on St. Patrick’s Day, I underwent the Whipple surgical procedure at Mayo Clinic, since scans had indicated no visible cancer anywhere but in the pancreas. They removed the tumor, as well as everything around it, after which I underwent 6 months of chemo. Scans at the half-way point came back clear.

We all rejoiced that the chemo seemed to be winning over the cancer! But three months later in November, after completing chemo, scans revealed cancer growing in three new places.

When Bervin and I met with my oncologist in December to discuss my options, she said every case was different, and she couldn’t tell me how mine would go. She just told me to report back when symptoms developed. As a result, my January scan appointment was moved to February. And since I’m still asymptomatic, scans have been put off indefinitely.

I know I still have cancer. And I haven’t yet decided if I even want to know how extensively. Without focusing on scans and stages and clinic appointments, there are actually days when I completely forget I have cancer. I even feel healthy. For this gift I thank God daily.

Several friends have told me they’re praying for a miracle of healing, but I’ve never felt led to pray for that. Others dwell on the fast-growing, doomsday nature of pancreatic cancer. I’ve thought a great deal about both extremes and have decided to land somewhere in the middle. The only perfect prayer is, “Your will be done, Lord.” And his will is what I want, live or die.

Sometimes I think about my having one of the most aggressive cancers that exists and am mystified that I feel this good. I’m leading a normal life, doing all the things I did before my diagnosis and meeting all my former commitments. And I’m feeling just fine.

I don’t know how long this will last, but I view these days as precious gifts from God, every one of them. I say it like that because one of the things he’s taught me is how to live one day at a time. It may sound clichéd, but this cliché is a valuable one.

That’s not to say there aren’t moments when knowledge of my cancer catches up with me (usually during the night), and I’ve wondered how much pain is ahead. I remember Margaret’s husband Nate struggling with the pain of his pancreatic cancer and can find myself getting shaky.

But at those moments I know what to do. I deliberately meditate on Scriptures that will calm my heart – like the 23^rd Psalm: “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil” (which includes the evil of pain) “for God is with me.”

This promise and many others work to pull me away from worrying about my weakness, to focusing on the Lord’s strength. Anyone who’s had cancer knows that the overwhelming feeling is one of intense need. Cancer may make us shaky, but I am personally grounded on the Rock that cannot be shaken.

[ Tomorrow we’ll hear more from Mary. ]

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.” (Psalm 23:6)

Please stay.

Posted on February 11, 2015 by Margaret

While Emerald happily played with my button collection and a couple of muffin tins, I studied something else in the mix: my husband’s shirt stays.

Nate liked his business shirts starched till they were almost stiff. When we were first married and he was still a law school student, washing and ironing the all-cotton shirts of that era wasn’t high on his agenda. So he wore a professionally laundered/starched shirt every day. When I hugged him, he crinkled.

Gradually I convinced him to let me do his laundry, and a bit of spray starch with an iron seemed to work just as well. Most of his shirts were button-down at the collar. Those tiny little buttons, almost too small for man-sized fingers, kept collars perfectly straight. But eventually cotton button-downs morphed into button-free collars on shirts made of soft perma-press fabric. That’s when the stays came in.

Each collar corner had a tiny narrow pocket sewn into it, just big enough for a plastic stay. Those collar points would then stay perfectly flat and stiff…. without any starch.

Over the years I found scores of these stays in the bottom of my wash machine after Nate or I would forget to remove them before washing his shirts. That, apparently, was why they were made of indestructible plastic.

As I fingered those stays today I thought about how nice it would be if we had something like body-stays to help us stand up straight and defy gravity’s tug over years of time. Even better than that, though, would be spiritual stays.

If we had those, there’d be no such thing as backsliding in our faith or losing our first-love enthusiasm for the Lord. We’d never feel blue over a discouraging situation, because nothing could “wrinkle” our bright hope in Christ. In other words, our spiritual stays would work to keep our faith from “wilting,” no matter what was going on around us.

Of course if we consulted God about this, asking for the equivalent of spiritual stays, he’d probably say, “You already have the one spiritual stay you need, the one I gave you years ago. It’s actually a collection of stays that far surpasses even the biggest collection of buttons.

“They come in the form of my words, and they’re kept not in a baggie with buttons but in the safety of the Bible. If you tuck several of them into each of your days, responding to life according to what they say, your faith will never wrinkle or wilt. And if you’re willing to ‘stay’ with Me in that way, I’ll always ‘stay’ with you.”