Category Archives: Submitting to God

Saintly Behavior

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A guy-friend recently said, “I’ve been reading the blog and gosh, I never realized what a saint Nate was.” I’m sure he was also thinking, “He wasn’t really, was he?”

Nate loading dishwasherWhy does Nate come across that way in the blog posts? I suppose it’s because I’ve chosen to share only the good things. Interestingly, that’s easy now. It’s satisfying. In the years since he died, I’ve missed him terribly and have come to appreciate the “good stuff” anew.

Psychology experts tell us if we’re going to criticize someone, we should first speak out four praises. Thinking I was already doing that, one day many years ago I decided to keep track. Sadly, I was woefully deficient in the praise category.

Double DutyOne thing I learned as I kept my tally, though, was that I could improve with practice. I also discovered something else. When I thought nice things about Nate such as, “He’s such a big help to me,” I often failed to say them. If I asked God to prompt me to turn those thoughts into words, he would, but of course I had to remember to ask.

I did learn one foolproof way to go from my spotty performance to 100% success in my praising, though: to hear the words “terminal cancer.” Those two words caused an instant change in my ways. Now, looking back to the time when Nate was healthy and with me daily, I can see it was pride that kept me from praising him lavishly while I still could have. And it’s pitiful.

???????????????????????????????I wonder how marriages would change if wives and husbands agreed to make only uplifting statements to one another for a month in an effort to establish new patterns. This would mean swallowing every word of criticism before it came out and letting go of all desire to change the other person. It would mean continually ignoring the bad and highlighting the good… as I’m now finding is so rewarding to do.

God knew this wouldn’t come naturally for us, but that didn’t stop him from urging us to reach for it. When the Lord addresses our partnerships (husbands and wives, soldiers and leaders, brothers and sisters, church members, parents and children, business partners), he urges us to be positive with our words. As a matter of fact, he elevates this to best-possible-activity level, telling us it actually brings him glory when we do it.

After nearly 5 years without Nate, my inner wish is that I could go back and try again. I know I could do much better now…. maybe even be saintly.

“May God, who gives… patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you, so that God will be given glory.” (Romans 15:5,7)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1.  A new anti-nausea drug has worked perfectly today – NO nausea!
  2. The feeding tube options aren’t quite as good. I’ll see a GI specialist in a week to decide what to do. Please pray for wisdom then, and for decreased pain now.
  3. Pray I’ll be able to continue helping with wedding preparations and hosting kids and grandkids this coming week.

Who’s Who?

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All of us are curious about how we came to be. Why did we end up male or female, and how were we assigned to a certain family? How did we land first, middle, or last in the birth order? These are interesting questions without ready answers, but that doesn’t stop us from wondering.

The Nyman family was designed like this: boy-boy-girl-boy-boy-girl-girl. I say “designed” because I believe God puts families together purposefully. Whether born-into, adopted, originating as a frozen embryo, or arriving in some other way, the Lord considers all the factors in his decision-making about each birth:

  • which parents?
  • what sex for each child?
  • what position in which family?
  • what personality?
  • what physical appearance?
  • when in human history he/she should arrive?

Linnea and her brothers, and dadI remember our Linnea ap- proaching me at the age of four. “It isn’t fair!” she said, her freckled face full of fury. “You had four boys and only me for a girl!”

Before I could comment, she launched into a lecture, letting me know I had no business tipping the scales so heavily toward the boy side. “Why did you?” she cried.

I had to admit, it did seem unfair. If we were voting on babies, her impression was I’d stuffed the ballot box in favor of boys because I liked them four times better than girls.

The answer that came to me was, “God decided.”

Like it or not, that was the truth; the baby-buck had always stopped with him. I’ve been thankful on more than one occasion for his permission to use his omnipotence in debates with children, and as always when God shows up in authority, the argument ceases. Even a six-year-old knows she can’t win against The Almighty.

All of us have questioned at one time or another why we were born as we were. Because faith in God is the fulcrum of my life, I’ve  wondered why I was born to Christian parents who led the way to Jesus. What if Mom and Dad had been Muslim? Or Buddhist? Or Hindu? Would I have followed their lead? Or would I have found Christ another way?

We aren’t in a position to demand answers to those questions. But I believe one day in heaven we’ll be shown, and when we hear God’s explanation we’ll say, “Ohhhh. Now I get it.”

Linnea eventually accepted her feminine fate, and I worked harder to partner with her in family femininity. Once she accepted that it was God who made her and her siblings exactly as they were, she chose to partner with him in finding a solution to the problem of too many brothers: pray and ask him for a sister.

Linnea and her sistersShe prayed for 5 years, and lo and behold, God sent her two!

“I, Wisdom, live together with good judgment. And how happy I was with the world the Lord created; how I rejoiced with the human family!” (Proverbs 8:12,31)

 

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m rejoicing tonight that my 3 scans today revealed no stray cancer cells!
  2. Chemo resumes on Monday (9 down, 9 to go) with an additional anti-nausea drug in the “cocktail.”

Taking What Comes

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Tonight I’m munching on brightly colored gumballs, thinking of an incident that happened 36 years ago. Whenever we’d shop at the local grocery, the three kids we had at the time tried to behave well, knowing that if they did, there was a treat after check-out. A clear glass machine of mouth-watering gumballs stood near the exit, and if we got that far tantrum-free, it was gumballs all around.

GumballsNelson always led the way with his dime. Before dropping it in, he’d tell the machine what color gumball he wanted. “A red one,” he’d say, in a demanding tone. Inevitably it was a different color, and though he’d made it through the store without a tantrum, it usually happened then.

“I said RED!” he’d holler, throwing his gumball and occasionally kicking the machine. The next time we’d approach the same machine, Nelson was sure this time his command would be obeyed, though mostly it wasn’t.

Eventually he decided to let Lars, two years younger, have the first turn. Stepping into his older brother’s shoes, little Lars put in his money and said, “I want green!” When a white one came out, he started to whimper. But his big brother had learned by painful experience and dished out some good advice: “Larsy, you have to take what the gumball machine gives you.”

This incident became part of our family folk lore. Nate told the story often, and whenever life took a negative turn, he’d quote Nelson. “This isn’t the greatest situation in the world, but we have to take what the gumball machine gives us.” He even made that statement once in reference to his pancreatic cancer.

And that’s the thing about life. Much of it is handed to us without our permission and is contrary to our wishes. Just as Nelson wanted a red gumball, we want unblemished health, a secure fortune, contented relationships, and personal freedom. Inevitably one (and sometimes all) of those categories become “discolored.”

Nelson once suggested we find a gumball machine with only red ones in it so his dime would produce what he wanted every time. Interestingly, our lives would be devoid of growth if the experiences coming to us were all the same hue. It’s by way of receiving the “wrong colors” that we make colorful progress.

The reality of the situation is that God does have control of what comes to us, whether it’s a certain gumball or a life experience, and he wants us to learn that every “color” has significant flavor. But be prepared for anything, because once in a while, just for the joy of it, he’ll send a “red gumball.”

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Psalm 34:8)

Praising and Praying with Mary:

  1. Thanks for continued prayer about the feeding tube, which is infected at the skin and just under it, requiring antibiotics.
  2. Pray against needing IV antibiotics if the oral doesn’t help.
  3. Praise God there are things to do to address the tube pain.
  4. And I’m thankful it gives me 900 calories each night as I sleep.