Category Archives: Submitting to God

Blind Trust

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Today while driving from southwest Michigan to Illinois, I paid close attention to the signs: route 94 to the Indiana Toll Road to the Dan Ryan Expressway to Lake Shore Drive to Michigan Avenue to my destination in the Loop.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe closer I got to downtown Chicago, the greater the importance of trusting the road signs. If I used a natural sense of direction instead, I couldn’t have gotten where I wanted to go.

One spot on the route became particularly tricky. The goal was to get from the Dan Ryan (on the west) to Lake Shore Drive (on the east). Though my brain wanted to make a right turn, west to east, the signs said, “Stay left.” The only way to successfully make the transition was to blindly trust the directions.

Chemo confusionMy reason for the trip was to spend the day with Mary as she endured her third infusion treatment. As it turns out, chemotherapy goes better with a little blind trust, too. She had to surrender to the instructions, even when they made no sense.

For instance, when the hospital staff said, “Doing a blood draw will be a help,” it was only later, after the results, she learned they couldn’t have proceeded with chemo unless the counts had been high enough. And when killer-poison was being dripped into her veins they said, “This will extend your life.” Only blind trust will cause her to believe that.

Our spiritual lives require a bit of blind trust, too. When he says the trials that weaken us will make us stronger, it seems he’s directing us up the wrong ramp. Or when we hear, “The person who loses his life for my sake will find it,” we scratch our heads and say, “Huh?”

photo(5)Maybe the key to all of these “blind” situations is to look at who or what is being trusted. Have the road signs been put up by way of accurate maps? Has the chemo staff been well trained? Is our God trustworthy?

If all the answers are yes, then blind trust is the way to go. The only way.

“Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:39)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise that when fatigue sets in after chemo, I have the freedom to rest.
  2. Other than nausea and fatigue, praise that I haven’t experienced any of the many other side effects of chemo.
  3. Pray that the new nausea medicine will work this time.
  4. Praise for a week off chemo next week; pray that blood counts will rise again.

Leaving a Legacy

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Today found us doing what we always do on Memorial Day: driving to Chicago’s Rosehill Cemetery to visit the family graves. This year we only had 13 family members due to holiday work schedules and faraway family locales, but the day was important anyway.

Laughter at the cemeteryMary initiated a discussion of shared memories, one for each name on the tombstones beginning with the baby for whom the plot was initially purchased. He died in 1911 at only 20 months. Our sharing about little William was minimal since none of us had known him, but most of the others brought forth many memories.

Memorial Days of the past have often been somber or even difficult, but this one was punctuated with laughter. Funny stories abounded, and I can’t remember a more humorous celebration of those who had gone before. As always I loved hearing stories about Nate, and many shared.

Toward the end of our time together, Mary and Bervin’s son Karl voiced something we’d all been thinking. “Mom,” he said, “you didn’t think you’d be here today, did you?”

At the cemeteryMary had to admit he was right, but there she was, feeling well and looking good. It was cause for further rejoicing.

Later Mary and I had a long conversation about the day. “Was it difficult,” I said, “to be at the cemetery, now that cancer has entered your life? What were you thinking?”

“….that I’ve gotten good at taking one day at a time,” was her quick answer. “It’s the only way to handle this.”

She talked further, remarking how today’s cemetery trip prompted her to consider the spiritual legacy she’ll leave behind when she’s gone. “I don’t feel I’ve done enough,” she said. But before I could refute that, she continued. “I guess little becomes much when you put it in God’s hands.”

“You know,” she said, “only God knows how much longer I’ll live. When I think about Memorial Day a year from now, it seems very far away. But life is made for the living, and I’m going to do my best to live well on each of the days God gives me.”

She talked about the beauty of the cemetery and the dramatic greens of spring, how she hadn’t noticed the intensity of nature’s colors until cancer came.

“God has blessed me every day,” she said, “and has given me far more good days than bad ones. I intend to count my blessings and be grateful for each one.”

Folks with cancer have two choices: they can get mad or get glad. Mary has chosen to appreciate life more than ever, now that death has threatened. And that’s a mighty good legacy to leave.

Legacies“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:16)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for a great weekend with kids, grandkids, and beautiful weather
  2. Praise for a godly heritage
  3. Pray against nausea after tomorrow’s chemo infusion

So Much Good

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Today when I asked Mary for her choice of prayer requests for tonight’s blog, she paused. “You know,” she said, “I can’t think of a single request. Only praises.”

Beach bums.Of course some of her requests from recent days are still relevant, but she had no new ones. “I have so much to be grateful for,” she said. At the time we were sitting on a Michigan beach under blue skies enjoying 85 degrees.

I said, “Maybe you’re all about praises because cancer has rearranged the way you look at things, at everything.”

Mary agreed. “It’s so easy to take life’s good things for granted. Cancer changes that. Nothing can be assumed after that, not even the small things.”

It’s the old conundrum of not appreciating what we have until we’ve lost it. In one sense, Mary’s lost something important: good health. But as we talked, we realized she’s already gained more than she’s lost. After all, the only thing on her mind today was the many ways she felt like praising God.

“Ok,” I said. “Let’s list them.”

She jumped right in. “I praise God for a husband who has insisted I learn to say ‘no’ to people. It has always gone against me to say no, but during this season, especially after I start chemo next week, I know it’s the right thing to do.”

She went on. “I praise the Lord that my adult children and my grandchildren want to be with me, with us. After watching them rally around as they have for the last 2 months, I’ll never again take them or their love for granted.”

She continued. “I praise God for the cards, letters, and gifts that keep coming in! And the best part is that time and time again, exactly the right encouraging word arrives, just when I need it most. It’s God doing that, I’m sure.”

As I scribbled down what she was saying, she kept going. “I’m thankful for my new car and for driving privileges. After totaling my old one in an accident just before my diagnosis, we didn’t shop for another one, since I might not have been well enough to drive it. But here I am, driving again and enjoying it more than ever.”

And there was more. “I praise God for this beautiful summer day and time to sit in a beach chair, right in the middle of the busiest week I’ve had in a long time. Even this day is programmed with wedding planning and errand running, but for the moment, being on this beach is a balm to my soul.

It's all good.“Even the popsicles Stina brought to the beach just now were a wonderful treat. I don’t know what life will be like during 6 months of chemo, but today I want to praise God for these last weeks when I can honestly say I’ve had more good days than bad. I’ve decided,” she said, “that from here on I’m going to work at appreciating what I do have, rather than what I don’t.”

….a good philosophy for us all.

“Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven.” (James 1:17)

No requests today!