Category Archives: Submitting to God

A Dying Man?

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One of the best things about the Mayo Clinic is the constant communication  between doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel. They also communicate faithfully with us. Every patient can set up a portal on their phone that allows them to ask questions, arrange or rearrange appointments, and view test results literally minutes after the tests conclude.

Today’s appointment at the Clinic was the result of a question Ann Sophie had texted to the head oncology doctor. We’ve been concerned about the swelling in Nelson’s left arm/hand, and in both feet/ankles, and thought it was important that a doctor see him and make a judgment.

This afternoon we met with Dr. Oliver and his PA. Because of the frequent back-and-forth between them, both were well aware of the reason for our visit. They were current on everything that had happened to Nelson while he was in the hospital recently and in the days since then.

The three of us asked countless questions, and the bottom line of Nelson’s swollen limbs is that the cancer is causing fluid to build up not just in his lungs but throughout his body. When I asked if it would help to surgically remove the small mass in his neck, the doctor said, “We can’t do that because it’s not just that mass that’s causing trouble. The cancer is all over.”

We knew it had been growing but didn’t know how extensively. Just as we were absorbing that negative news, Dr. Oliver dropped a bomb on us. He said, “When I visited you in the hospital about a week ago, I took one look at you and thought, ‘This young man is dying. He won’t make it to the end of the week’.”

We were speechless. We had had no idea.

Dr. Oliver told us this, we believe, to encourage us, because he also said, “You were a very sick man. And now, a week later, here you are, looking a little better.”

All of us sat still, hearts beating fast, wondering what else he might know that he wasn’t telling us.

Later we talked about whether or not hearing the whole medical truth is good or bad. Would it have been helpful for Dr. Oliver to have come into Nelson’s hospital room telling him he thought he wouldn’t live through the week?

We concluded that it’s best if we don’t know everything the doctors know. They aren’t really in charge anyway.

God is.

As we arrived home this afternoon, we recalled the prayer we’d prayed over Nelson on the day Dr. Olivier judged him to be at the end of his life. Here’s part of our prayer over him that night, personalized just as we prayed it then:

“Let the morning bring Nelson word of your unfailing love, Lord, for he has put his trust in you. Show him the way he should go, because he has entrusted his life to you. Rescue him from this cancer, because he hides himself in you. For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve his life.”

And God did.

(Psalm 143:8-11)

The Busy Day

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Hospital rooms are busy places, even when outside visitors are restricted.

Today Dr. Oliver strolled in to check on his patient’s welfare. He is the radiation/lung cancer expert and said he was pleased with Nelson’s progress. He was also completely enamored with little Will, who has become a celebrity on the oncology floor.

Later, a young woman named Sydney arrived in Nelson’s room with a guitar slung over her shoulder. “I’m from palliative care,” she said, “and I thought I’d bring you some music today—if you’d like that.

“Music, she explained, “can be very soothing—any kind you like.”

Nelson suggested she sing a Willie Nelson song in honor of baby Will(ie) Nelson Nyman. She said she was a fan of “old school country” and sung through Willie’s “Blue Eyes Cryin’ in the Rain.” Her voice was clear and beautiful. Before she left, she sang a few more, including “Amazing Grace.”

Another interesting visitor was a hospital chaplain, Alex, who sat with Nelson long enough to make a request. “Would you be willing to think about a couple of questions I’d like to ask? Not to answer them now, but just to think about them.” Of course Nelson said yes.

“If God added ten years to your life, how would you use them to get closer to him?” And, “If you could ask God to do one thing for you now, what would it be?” He quickly added, “Most people ask for their cancer to be removed. But what one thing after that?”

These are good questions for anyone to ponder, but especially for someone with cancer who has a young wife and a baby to raise. Nelson tapped the questions into his phone to do as Alex suggested, to think about them later.

Before he left, Alex reminded Nelson that his cancer experience won’t be wasted, that good things will come from it.

Later, Nelson mentioned to us that fear has been hovering over him since the beginning of this ordeal—the fear of not being able to breathe.

When nurse Jean visited, ostensibly to play with Will, she reminded him that such a scenario is highly unlikely, since the fluid in his lungs is being drained daily. More than likely it isn’t breathing that would be the trouble but pain from somewhere else that’s running away with his emotions. She challenged him to think about that before giving in to panic.

With today’s many visitors we saw that Nelson is being prepared to leave the hospital, both physically and emotionally, probably tomorrow. He has to be weaned off the little black button and its pain relief before he can go—leaving it up to pills after that.

There was so much activity in his room today that he texted us in the afternoon, asking us to cancel our planned evening visit. “I’m really tired,” he said. And so of course we didn’t go.

“I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” (Jer. 31:25)

To Be Understood

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Toddlers fascinate me. Children between the ages of one and three can be more fun to watch than a good movie. As they begin to walk, explore, and taste new foods, they do it all with captivating charm. But my favorite is to recognize their first bits of language, parroting what they’ve heard while trying to form words their tongues haven’t tried before.

Little by little they begin to put words into sentences. “My do it. That mine. Me want that.”

A few years ago, I remember asking one of my toddler grands a question. “Emerald, did mommy fix your pretty hair today?”

Her response was, “I think it is.”

Close.

But I understood what she meant, and that was good enough.

The same is often true of our conversations with God. He might say, “Will you do what I’m asking?”

And I might answer, “I think it is.”

What do I mean? Maybe it’s, Yes, I’ll do it, or Yes, but maybe later, or Yes, but not in the way you’re asking.

No matter how I answer, God knows what I mean. In a sense, that’s good, because all of us long to be understood. But does it go both ways? How good am I at understanding him?

I remember with Emerald that as she first learned to talk, I often failed to understand her. That produced frustration in both of us. Eventually I learned to say, “Show me.” She would take my hand and lead me to the subject of her words, and that helped.

It’s interesting to note how important words are to God. One of Jesus’ names is the Word. But amazingly, he uses words much like we do – although each of his words packs a power ours never could. Because of that, we ought to pay close attention to every word he says and try our best to understand him — and respond appropriately.

Toddlers eventually learn to talk so everyone can understand. No more guessing. I do confess, though, that sometimes God’s words to me can still be confusing. When they are, my best response is to figuratively take his hand and say, “Show me.” And he will.

“As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like.” (Luke 6:47)