Category Archives: Suffering

Young Love (#60)

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My mind was racing a mile a minute as I opened the apartment door and saw my old boyfriend standing there with another guy. I had worked hard to get him out of my mind in previous weeks, but even with effort, there was still a shred of a bond between us. My hands began to shake, and I so wished Nate was standing beside me. But my partner was far away, and I had to deal with this alone.

Emotions are a tricky thing. Attachments from the past can be reawakened by a song, a scent, a picture. And the picture I saw standing in front of me was wreaking havoc in my mind. The only thing to do was leave the room until I could get some measure of control.

a-bathroomI excused myself to the bathroom where I cried out to a God I knew would hear me and rescue me. I asked for a calm, logical spirit to be able to cope with my spinning thoughts and the two young men standing in my living room.

Now… to continue quoting from my letter of explanation to Nate, who was hundreds of miles away:

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God heard my prayer and calmed me down considerably, enough to go back to converse with them. I asked what they were doing downtown, and it was less than a minute when they suddenly noticed my engagement ring. He [old boyfriend] said, “Hey! Wait a minute! What’s this?” And grabbed my hand. I was so proud to tell them of our engagement, about when it happened, and when our wedding would be. I was bursting with joy over you, in my words to them. He just couldn’t believe we were engaged. They invited me to go out with them (saying we would celebrate the engagement), and though we did leave the apartment briefly, we were back in minutes. He was quite sullen and quiet after he’d seen our ring and quickly became anxious to leave. I was relieved to see them go, so that I could get with the Lord in prayer and go back to 1 John. God confirmed for me immediately the rightness of our marriage and my ever-growing love for you, my future husband. I love you so much! YOUR Meg.

July 15, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Would you be up for coming down here on Sunday just for the day (20 July), if I can confirm it in a phone call? I really want to be with you. I miss you. I will try to call you Saturday, 19 July, in the early evening. You were very honest with me about your boyfriend’s visit, how long it lasted, and that he saw your ring and now realizes the completeness of the engagement. I love your honesty and your beautiful soul (praying in the bathroom) so much that I could cry. I am confident he has high enough regard for our decision to respect it by leaving us alone now. If the devil was testing you, you passed with Christ’s blessing! Excellent! I’m proud of you!

July 16, 1969 – Dear Nate. You are amazing, the way you love me no matter what. I’ve never known someone who loves like that… except, of course, the Lord. I am longing to have you with me. I need you! I’m glad we decided to get married earlier rather than later. The distance between us isn’t helping anything.

July 16, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I am very secure in your love and loyalty. I’m glad we made the decision to have each other only, and no others in any capacity on the side – that we realized lateral relationships can destroy a marriage. You’re a fabulous Christian woman. I love you! I love you, no matter what.

“So will I ever sing praises to Your name, as I perform my vows day after day.” (Psalm 61:8)

Young Love (#59)

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Wedding planning (in Chicago) was moving forward on schedule, and Nate (in Kansas) was focusing on his last two weeks of Army camp. I hadn’t seen, heard from, or even thought about my old boyfriend for a long time and considered that chapter completely closed.

But I should have known better.

pup-tentJuly 15, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Would you like to know what I’ll be doing next week? Monday, barracks clean-up. Tuesday, bivouac set-up. Wednesday, platoon tactics. Thursday, company tactics. Friday and Saturday, tanks. The following week, which will be our last, we’ll take written tests and physical training tests and hand in our gear. THEN it will be 25 July, and I will see Meg, and she’ll see me in a parade of cadets. Just a few short days till then! Oh how I miss you!

July 15, 1969 – Dear Nate. Today was frustrating. I spent many hours at Bervin’s warehouse while he worked on my car, and then we both got caught in a terrific rainstorm. Both cars got drenched and our clothes, too. As a result, Bervin and Mary were real late to an outing with their church group. And my car wasn’t finished. Now it sounds like a tank and is running on only 7 cylinders. Bervin feels bad, but I’m thankful he’s willing to work on it at all! He’s very patient. His cousin was at the warehouse, too, and said that if I let Bervin work on more and more parts of the Corvette, it will eventually be in great shape.

July 14, 1969 – Dearest Meg, my Love. You sound very organized on the wedding dress and other planning. I’ll help you with all the decisions when I get there. I am praying about all this, and I pray for us many times each day. By the way, when do you want to have the first of our four babies?

doorJuly 13, 1969 – Dear Nate. I have something to write in this letter that will be hard for you to read, but you and I have agreed to be completely honest with each other. It concerns my old boyfriend. I can honestly say his name has not popped into my head since we last talked about him many days ago. Not once – until yesterday. All day yesterday I had a strange feeling he was going to call. I prayed many times during the day, asking God to get thoughts of him out of my head. I was nervous each time the phone rang. At 11:00 PM he hadn’t called, and I began to relax about it. I was writing a letter to my Aunt Joyce when there was a knock on our apartment door. And Nate, I just knew it was him. I believe the devil was testing me, trying to derail our plans to start a solid Christian marriage. I believe he was trying to spoil what we have. I opened the door, and it was him, standing next to one of his friends. I was so nervous that my hands began to shake. Quickly I excused myself and ran to the bathroom. Feeling completely upset, I prayed.

(To be continued…)

“Let marriage be held in honor among all.” (Hebrews 13:4)

Young Love (#63)

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Both Nate and I were longing so much to be married that we began fantasizing about it in our letters. I wrote an eight-page epistle describing how I hoped our married life would be — the imagined story of one evening, overnight, and the following morning. Because I wrote in vivid detail, I won’t share it here. But I loved the process of running ahead into our marriage, and I know Nate loved reading of how eager I was to be his wife.

wheel-of-postcardsNate was trying to freshen up our correspondence, too. He bought a dozen postcards, wrote on all of them while he was out on field exercises, and mailed them all on the same day. They were full of joy and anticipation but also feelings of loneliness.

 

July 14, 1969 – Meg. This weekend without you has been very lonely – one hour without you, even if I’m with a thousand guys at Ft. Riley, is lonely. Without Meg, I’m lonely in a crowd. Love, Nate

postcard

July 15, 1969 – Dear Nate. In addition to the marriage stories I’m writing for you, today I wrote the story of our engagement for the local newspaper, to be put in the announcement section. Your mother wrote and asked for a picture of me and a copy of the short article so she could place it in your home town paper, too. She is working on the rehearsal dinner and has asked for my suggestions of a restaurant near Moody Church. And it sounds like she’s ready to finalize her guest list, pending your approval when we visit them after your graduation.

July 15, 1969 – Dear Meg. My relatives from New York, Florida, and Wheaton are visiting my folks in August. Maybe we can see them? Plus we’ll have your birthday, mine, camp, Bob’s wedding [Nate’s friend],and a plan for our wedding. Wow! What an August! Love, Nate

shoppingJuly 16, 1969 – Dear Nate. I’ve been all over the place today, shopping, meeting a girlfriend for lunch, running around in the Loop. One of those street photographers caught me on film, and I look like I’m on my way to a circus with my polka-dot dress. It was hot out! I saw a doctor, and we talked at length about “the pill.” It sounds controversial. He said that blood clots are the most serious threat, and about the only real doubt in most physicians’ minds The other stuff about diabetes is more myth than anything at this stage. He didn’t pressure me at all. So that’s just one more thing for us to talk about and decide.

July 16, 1969 – Dearest Meg. I’m looking forward to those days, after camp, after this autumn, after November 29th when I wake up with you in the morning, eat breakfast and pray with you, and plan the day with you. Being a law student, Army officer and civilian lawyer will be even better because you’re my wife.

July 17, 1969 – Dear Nate. This goodie package [cookies, photos, sentimental items] was tossed together in a flash, but I hope you enjoy it. Besides, thinking of those other guys down at Ft. Riley who might be getting goodie packages when you are NOT, just makes me feel awful. No one is going to get more packages or letters or surprises than my Nate! Love, Meg.

May 17, 1969 – Dearest Meg. Once we are married, every experience will be better with you: each tragedy mitigated, each success heightened, when you are my wife. I’ll thank the Lord eternally for a love for you and from you that will last forever. I miss you. My heart yearns for you. I know I can’t live without you.

“God has made everything appropriate in its time.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)