Nelson’s journal 4/13/22  

As time passes, change always comes, and Nelson is analyzing where he and his little family stand with the changes now happening—with his pastorate, his health, and his baby’s discontent. He’s also making plans for their future, trying to hear God’s counsel accurately. Over it all hangs a dark cloud of poor health for him, though doctors have assured him it’s just a thyroid malfunction that will eventually disappear.

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April 13, 2022    

Derek sat at our table yesterday and told me to read the gospels with the perspective of authority. How much did Jesus submit to what the authorities said in his time? When the government says you can’t sing in church, do you obey that?

How would Jesus and Paul have responded to that command in their day? The ones who were jailed and killed for disobeying the rules of the day? What would they have done? So I started in Matthew today. I am to the point where Jesus was tempted in chapter 4.

I got up with Will to maybe feed him and put him back to bed, but I swaddled him without the food and he went right back. It’s funny how flailing arms keep him up and running. Thank you for that, Lord.

On another topic, I am not an inclusive person and I don’t tend to want a lot of staff around me, people to motivate, referee, and manage. People who have been in YWAM long enough to not take instruction anymore. Maybe I’m one of them.

 

I don’t go to meetings I probably should attend, but I do have a 1 month old baby who needs me, so I use that as a pass for now. Our last service at Little Red is this Sunday’s Easter service. Most of the Kokua Crew will go at 6am. The last hurrah.

I told Tim I wasn’t going to be an electrician anymore. He was super cool about it. I dreaded that conversation, but it was just a simple text.

My Thyroid issue is pretty steady and bad. Sometimes i think it’s improving. Then It’s like now, and I can hardly motivate myself to do a simple thing. Annso is at small group right now, and I’m watching Will. He’s a tough little guy, but he’s sleeping, which makes my life easier while she’s gone.

I hope the Thyroid clears up, because apparently it was a blast of the hormone that brought on an attack or something. I don’t need meds or an operation to straighten it out. I pray that, Lord. You can do anything. Sometimes I imagine being like I was before, no pain, no fatigue, being able to run and swim again, feeling good with energy. It would be amazing, and I wouldn’t take my health for granted again.

It’s easy to somehow take credit for things like money or health when you have them, but when they’re gone, you realize you’re a fragile little man walking the earth for a short time, and not many of the things we focus on matter, and lots of what we take for granted or don’t pay attention to, does matter.

What matters? The way we treat people, whether we love them, how much time we spend, not how much money we make or how seriously people take us. It’s hard not to get caught up in that stuff and miss the main stuff, but we can try.

My season as a pastor is over for now. God, you are merciful the way you went about it. The time at Little Red was so unique. It never turned into anything big or multiplied, but we did our best.

I’m so thankful for the Summer to leave the island and travel and camp out across the country like we are planning. I’m thankful for Annso, who wants to do it, and a little guy who we can take along. Our first family vacation. I couldn’t be more stoked for the time. We’re looking at 13 weeks.

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“If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:15)

Nelson’s journal 4/8/22  

Baby Will’s struggle with some kind of stomach upset is still dominating everything in Nelson and Ann Sophie’s lives. All three are upset by the constant crying and inability to help him. At the same time, there are big decisions needing to be made in their ministry, including personnel changes, and Nelson is under pressure to make them.

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April 8, 2022 

Been struggling a bit with the division between Kokua Crew and being a new father. There’s tons of ‘urgent’ stuff at Hale Ola, but this morning, instead of a staff meeting and working about getting everyone to campus, I spent the time in a chair holding Will, trying to calm him down, which eventually worked.

I think I’ll stay away from the feeding thing. It’s always the same. Right when I get out the bottle, he goes ballistic. It used to work, but now, just having him lay there, even crying, is better than fighting with him. He falls asleep eventually. It’s the more peaceful option.

Speaking of peaceful options, I want to protect the integrity of the Kokua Crew program more than I want to make people happy. I pray for the strength to do that, Lord. If you want me to change it, I will. If you want me to speak the hard truth to certain people, I will.

How can I address the current problems without causing offense, Lord? Courage and strength. I did it before, I can do it again, even though it’s painful and I hate delivering bad news. Thank you for the opportunity, and I know that with that comes responsibility.

I pray for [family members] who experienced loss yesterday. I pray that their family would be stronger for it in the end, rather than weaker. I pray for wisdom to know if I have a part in this at all. I pray for wisdom to know if we have a future in the Midwest, and if we should make any sort or move in advance.

I pray for wisdom to buy the right Toyota camper for the trip this summer to see the Ark with Mom and the whole gang. I pray for wisdom to know and courage to do.

Wisdom to know and courage to do.

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The Lord says, “I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you.” (Psalm 41:10)

Nelson’s journal 4/6/22  

Baby Will is 22 days old, already going through his first life-crisis. His non-stop crying has pulled Nelson and Ann Sophie into the crisis, too, unsure about how to handle it. All three of them are worn out and frazzled, wondering if something could be seriously wrong.

Nelson still doesn’t feel good and is dealing with a variety of uncomfortable symptoms but is taking the recommended meds for a possible thyroid problem.

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April 5, 2022 

 5:30am. We almost went to the ER last night because of the constant unrest and crying in our little baby boy Will. Can’t settle, nothing works, seems like stomach pain. Maybe acid, GERD, or probably Colic like I had when I was young [for 3 months].

Thinking about it lasting for 12 weeks is hard to handle. It’s pretty much a full time job for the two of us, so the other one can get a break. When a baby is screaming, it’s hard to handle it for hours on end without a rest. Not to mention, I’m sure it’s even harder for him.

We are praying, Sherina [midwife, right] is coming over, and I dumped $50 last night on natural gas and other remedies. I just got him up, fed him about half of what I would like to have seen him eat, and put him back. Glad to even see that happen. Normally, he doesn’t go down easy. It’s at least an hour of trying to calm him and many attempts before anything really takes.

Maybe it’s spiritual warfare and there’s my thyroid sickness on top of it, which makes the whole thing just a little edgier. Meanwhile, my last sermon is this Sunday, and I haven’t decided on the passage yet.

I’ll be glad to put that season behind me at long last. I learned a lot of things, one of which is that I am not really a pastor at heart. The teaching, preaching thing, yes, but calling and checking up on people, listening, and spending time are things I do out of duty. Maybe it’s all this time in Kokua Crew and YWAM that’s burned me out.

Derek [left] comes in next week and we lend him the Miata. It’s great to be able to pay him back for all his generosity to me over the years.

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Today, I’m thankful for Will going back to bed so easily. I’m thankful for Annso and her positive attitude. I’m thankful for our place here in Kona for so long, and the position we have and all the trust the campus gives us. I’m thankful for our Kokua Crew and how nice they always are to us, and for progress with the thyroid. I pray for healing for me and for Will. I’ve always taken my health for granted, but now I realize what a gift being healthy really is.

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“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)