Category Archives: Suffering

In His Words, Part 2 of 3

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The first portion of this letter, written by Nate to his firstborn son in 1996, was detailed in yesterday’s blog. He poured out his painful life journey, honestly admitting to an infatuation with money.
When he succeeded at making it, he wanted more. When he lost it all, he became angry. He continues his story here, letting Nelson in on some of the secrets he hadn’t yet shared with anybody:

MoneyI was unhappy when I had money, because I always wanted more. When I lost it, I wanted it back. I was unhappy and became bitter.

In the depths of my financial disaster, no financial rescue or restoration occurred. I was tormented. A family and household needed to be supported. Old habits of spending died slowly and painfully. I thought the tax change unjust, to impact real estate and not municipal bonds, insurance or other endeavors. Men I knew in those lines of work would have fared no better than I did if they’d been attacked. Why should they keep their money and I lose? 

And now, years later, the senator who was the architect of tax reform admitted in the press he was wrong, that tax reform went too far. They gave benefits, then took them away retroactively. The world is deceitful and evil. 

But the world cannot be our standard, our reliance. Hebrews 12:2: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” 

???????????????????????????????In my travail, I came to a rededication to Christ – reading Scripture, praying, participating in an organized Bible study, focusing my thoughts and energies on “the race marked out for me.” 

What does Jesus want me to devote my energies to?  [Concluded tomorrow.]

“Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income.” (Ecclesiastes 5:10)

 

Blindsided by Bad News

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Five years ago at about this time, Nate and I were shocked when his cell phone delivered some very disturbing news. It had to do with an invisible enemy that was shortly to become visible: pancreatic cancer throughout his body.

With hindsight being 20/20, we now see how the cancer was present and active throughout the summer, but it wasn’t until the test results from a pre-op physical (for back surgery) that alarm bells began clanging. His liver numbers “were off,” prompting the doctor to order a scan of the liver and pancreas, located next to each other.

Doctor's OfficeJournal words tell the tale: “While we were in the office of a new orthopedic doctor getting a third opinion on Nate’s spine, one of our other doctors called Nate’s cell. ‘The results of your scan indicate a mass on the liver,’ he said, matter-of-factly. ‘But don’t jump to any conclusions. Tissue is tissue, and we won’t know anything conclusive until we do a biopsy.’ The doctor told Nate he’d made an appointment for him and then said, ‘Be sure you keep it.’

A few minutes later as we stood in the hall awaiting the elevator, Nate was trembling from head to toe, his cheeks, his shoulders, his hands, but no wonder. He’d just been hard-hit with the words “mass” and “biopsy,” two words no one wants to hear.

“How’re you feeling?” I asked, enfolding him in a hug.

“It’s OK. We’ll get through it,” he said.

These simple words were meant to prevent jumping to a wrong conclusion, but when our eyes locked, we saw we already had. In the car we listened to an earlier phone message left by the same doctor Nate had just heard from:

“I need to talk to you right away. Here’s my direct number. And if I don’t answer, here’s my pager. And if for some reason that doesn’t work, here’s the number for the girl at the desk, who will come and find me.” We knew we were in a serious mess.

As we drove from Chicago back to Michigan I said, “If they need to do surgery on your liver, I want to give you a chunk of mine. People can do that, you know. And I really mean it.”

Nate’s response was off-subject. “I think I’ve already used up today’s pain meds for my back. It’s going to be a bad night.”

Storm comingA storm was about to hit, and both of us knew we’d need a place to run and hide. We also needed God to show us how to spot his blessings in the rubble, because at that moment, we couldn’t see a single one.

 

“My people will live in… undisturbed places of rest. Though hail flattens the forest and the city is leveled completely, how blessed you will be.” (Isaiah 32:18-20)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Big praise about the new, stronger antibiotics: the feeding tube infection is beginning to heal and feels much better!
  2. Please pray for tomorrow’s infusion #12, that they’ll be able to find a good vein. Without a port, my veins are suffering. Hoping I won’t have to have a port put in.

Does “Father Know Best”?

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God is full of surprises. He doesn’t think like we do, plan like we do, or respond to circumstances like we do. He has no limitations and never runs out of ideas. He never has to rack his brain or wonder, “What should I do?”

That’s because he’s God, in the top slot, in all categories.

Father Knows BestGrowing up in the 1950’s, my family didn’t watch much TV. Television was new, and there wasn’t a whole lot to look at. By 10:30 PM, the national anthem was played, and all programming ceased until morning. One show we did find to watch, though, was “Father Knows Best.”

Mary and I have sweet memories of our relationship with the Andersons, a family much like ours with two girls, one boy, a home in the suburbs and a daddy who walked in each evening wearing a hat and carrying a newspaper. Tonight we watched one of those black and white episodes from 1958. Just hearing the theme music was a thrill, and seeing our old “friends” again was a pleasure.

Saint PeterIn tonight’s story, the father, Jim, finds himself facing Saint Peter at heaven’s pearly gates. Peter is assessing whether or not Jim ought to “get in.” When he questions him about a decision he made, Jim says, “That was an especially difficult one.”

Peter says, “Naturally it was difficult. It’s part of our Master Plan. We do that purposefully. We keep throwing difficult choices in your path to test you.”

Without realizing it, this script line had made a scriptural point. And because of God’s perfect analysis of every person and what each needs, we can believe there are exceedingly important reasons for the “difficult choices” that are “thrown” at us.

I think back to 5 years ago at this time, when we knew nothing about Nate’s cancer but were about to find out. God had already decided on the test, had put the details in place, and had lit the circumstantial fuse. The difficult choices Saint Peter mentioned were barreling toward our family. The same can be said of Mary’s cancer just before it was discovered 5 months ago.

In each case, once we got the bad news, each day after that became a mini-test within the larger test, all of them exceedingly difficult. Television-Peter summed up the dilemma by saying, “It’s the decisions you make that shape you into what you are.”

While we knit our brows and wrestle with the tough tests, there’s a choice we can make up front that will facilitate the rest: choosing to believe each test does come from an all-wise God, a Father who always does know best.

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12)