Category Archives: Suffering

Did you mean to be mean?

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Every young mom worries about the safety of her newborn, especially in that first month. Will I drop him? Will I accidentally scratch her with my nail? Will he fall off my bed if I nap him there?

But what about us grandmas? We wonder if we’ll stumble or even fall while holding the baby. What if we run out of energy or doze off unknowingly while on duty?

Not so safe

In other words, what if we cause harm without meaning to? I know the answer to that, because it happened to me this weekend. I should say, more accurately, it happened to Emerald.

Our little girl has grown to be 3 months old but has never had her nails cut. Birgitta knew it was time, having been repeatedly scratched by her “caresses.” So I decided to be a good grandma and buy a special baby-sized clipper, the one that had “Safety 1st” in its name. When clipping time came, Emerald clenched her dimpled fists, making her fingertips go white (the same color as her tiny nails). Birgitta just couldn’t do it.

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Although I have no memory of clipping baby fingernails, surely I must have, so I volunteered. The first 3 fingers went well, and we heard the snip-snip of her soft nails, but the 4th finger snip didn’t make any noise. That’s because I’d inadvertently cut the tip of her finger, missing the nail completely!

As Birgitta worked to comfort her screaming, a rush of regret poured through me. Emerald’s first bleeding episode, and it was my fault. I lost 2 hours of sleep that night berating myself, though Birgitta didn’t lay blame.

Sadly, in a few days, Emerald will be hurt again, this time with a vaccination needle. Such “harm,” though, is carefully calculated and allowed to happen for a valuable purpose. Because of that, her mommy will be in favor of her “suffering” on that day.

God uses a similar logic. If we receive a bad medical report, or if an accident occurs, a financial downturn takes place, a hope is dashed, a relationship fractured, a job lost, God is allowing it. But he never lets it happen until he’s first assessed that it has a valuable purpose, much like Birgitta assessed the vaccination.

When life hurts, we can’t imagine why God doesn’t eliminate the pain, just like Emerald will be bewildered and upset at her upcoming doctor’s appointment. But Birgitta is going to orchestrate that, whether Emerald understands or not. The same goes for us.

So, what’s our best response? We should do just what Emerald did when I clipped her finger: she looked to her parent for comfort. We should turn to God in that same way, knowing he’ll never allow pain into our lives without a valuable purpose behind it…

Thinking it over...

…something far more important than well-trimmed nails.

“I know, Lord, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course. So correct me, Lord, but please be gentle.” (Jeremiah 10:23-24)

Togetherness

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There’s something about shopping for a Christmas tree that appeals to all ages, and today two cars-full of family headed for the local market to choose just the right one. Our goal was “less than 8 feet and under $50,” and thanks to Klaus’ magic coupon, we came in under budget.

Young children have a unique take on family traditions. The netting of the tree for car-top travel was as much fun for them as choosing which tree to take home. So was the sawing off of its end, the trimming away of bottom branches, and the filling of the tree stand via glasses full of water.

But as much fun as they have, whether hanging ornaments or sweeping up pine needles, I think beneath it all what they really love is the togetherness that comes along with the traditions. Children have a sense of who belongs to their inner circle, and their natural yearning for family seems to be deeply satisfied when the group comes together, whether it’s for work, play, a meal, a conversation, or setting up a Christmas tree.

Maybe that’s true for adults, too, but what happens when we aren’t living near those we love or don’t have successful family relationships? Are we doomed to loneliness and dissatisfaction, especially at the holidays?

Just when it starts to look that way, God steps forward with an offer. Through Scripture verses he says,

“Would you like to spend the holidays with me? I sure do want to be with you, to strengthen you through troubles and be an overall help to you. You can tell me anything you want, pouring out all the details, and I’ll listen intently with love. Lay out your disappointments and frustrations, and we’ll sort through them together.

I want to be like both a father and mother to you, like a sister and brother. I want to be the head of your family. If you don’t have an earthly home, I’ll find one for you, and as we fellowship there together, you can get as familiar as you want with me. The closer the better, in my opinion. And by the way, my loving responses to your yearnings will be perfectly suited to each need.

I hope that as you take advantage of what I’m offering, that you won’t be sad, but if you are, I want to carry your sorrows for you. Eventually I hope you’ll invite me into your head to lead your thinking by my Spirit, since I’d like to take you to an emotional place of peace. And if you invite me into your heart, I will preserve your soul. You are my very own family, and I want to be close to you, not just on holidays but every single day.”

Each of these promises is taken directly from the Bible, and as you enjoy taking God up on his offer, how about doing it in the warm glow of a Christmas tree?

 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” (John 14:18)

 

That’s news to me!

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We’ve all heard the expression, “No news is good news.” In other words, since bad news travels fast, no new news probably means there’s no bad news, since that would come before good news, which then assumes all the news we haven’t yet heard is good. Whew!

Both good and bad news can take us by surprise, which is great with good news and awful with bad. When bad news does come, our responses tell a great deal about us. Do we panic? Despair? Jump to extreme conclusions?

As Christians we ought to be able to monitor our reactions by way of biblical truth. Believing that God travels with us through every bad-news-situation and that he won’t allow us to come into more than we can handle should be enough to stave off negative responses, but sometimes it just isn’t.

Eight weeks ago I got some bad news in the form of a secret from one of my kids. Katy and Hans called from England to ask for prayer about a serious matter, and I was more than happy to do so. Going into God’s throne room with my children is one of life’s highest privileges and a great way to sidestep anxiety.

Today I’m happy to report the Lord answered our prayers as we’d hoped, and the new news that wasn’t meant to be broadcast 8 weeks ago can now be joyfully told far and wide: Katy and Hans will welcome baby #4 in May!

But what about those times when news that comes to us is all bad and a rescue or change doesn’t occur? What if God chooses to let the bad stuff stand? What if our baby had miscarried?

I believe bad news is God-given opportunity to exercise our faith muscles. It’s a chance to prove to ourselves and him what we really think. Do we trust him like we say we do? Do we believe he acts on our prayers? Do we accept that he still loves us when the bad news is really bad?

If we can answer yes, then bad news shouldn’t throw us. So why does it? Maybe because we don’t have a pre-news strategy in place ahead of time. For example, we could determine that whenever bad news comes, we won’t speak until after asking God to control our words. Or we could tell ourselves we’ll search for blessings in the news. Or we could express quick thanks that God will walk with us through it.

Those responses are far better than fear or anguish. After all, much of what we first hear in a bad-news flash isn’t usually accurate, and the extremes we dread don’t often happen.

And once in a while, the news that looks all bad changes into something really wonderful…. like a brand new grandbaby!

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name… I will be with them in trouble…. I will rescue and honor them.” (Psalm 91:14-15)