Category Archives: Suffering

Why struggle?

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This morning I listened to a radio report on the different ways American and Asian children are taught. The study followed classroom instruction and parental messages to elementary age kids and found a glaring difference: American teachers/parents strive to keep learning positive, eliminating struggle wherever possible. Asian teachers/parents not only let children struggle, they promote it, designing lessons to make it happen.

An American mother might say, “Jamie, you got a good grade because you’re a smart boy.” An Asian mom might say, “Kim, you won the prize because you kept trying.”

The study included classroom and home observations during which researchers recorded what teachers/parents said to their children, along with their responses. One examiner in an Asian classroom of 8 year olds said he was surprised when the teacher chose a failing student to do his work at the chalkboard up front.

The student grappled with his problem for over an hour, during which time the teacher occasionally asked the class, “Does he have it right yet, class?”

The answer was always no, and the researcher couldn’t believe the young student continued without breaking into tears. When he finally did get it right, the teacher said, “Look, class, he got it. Didn’t he do a great job working for the answer?” Rather than praising the boy’s ability, she praised his perseverance.

Most Asian teachers and parents structure their educating to include tasks they know are beyond the reach of students, just to exercise their mental stick-to-it-tiveness. For example, the study asked children to see if they could find the answer to a math problem intentionally designed to have no solution. On average, American school kids gave up in one minute or less, deeming it impossible. Asian children worked up to an hour before giving up.

But what does God have to say about all this? Is one method right and one wrong?

Scripture definitely touts the value of struggle. We see it in Bible characters and also today, in both visible battles (physical) and invisible ones (mental). Perseverance is a character quality God esteems, and satisfaction comes after we’ve sorted through complicated problems. But what about the dilemmas beyond our reach, those with no solutions? Does God want us to struggle indefinitely with those?

No. At that point he hopes we’ll turn from our own efforts, admit we’re at the end, and request his help. Then we get to watch him do the impossible. As we concede weakness, he imparts strength.

But what about the study on learning? Does one group win and the other lose? Not necessarily. Though Asian children are being taught the value of struggle, educators share a growing concern for their lack of imagination, citing American youngsters as examples of creative strength.

Thankfully the Lord provides unlimited opportunities for all of us to struggle in all categories. The trick is in appreciating it.

The Lord said, “My power is made perfect in [your] weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Making It Through

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When this blog site was established, widowhood was the farthest thing from my thinking. Illness wasn’t on my mind either, nor was radical life change. I just wanted to practice my writing, see if I could meet my own deadlines, and spend extra time with my keyboard.

Now, 3+ years later, I marvel at how this small blog has morphed into a classroom with readers teaching me and each other. As they do their best to get through this, whatever “this” is, they’ve willingly shared wisdom by way of comments and emails to benefit us all.

Because my own getting through has been my husband’s death and its resulting widowhood, many other widows have joined me in these posts, most of whom have been new acquaintances. Back at the beginning I had no idea that a simple blog could yield new relationships.

Other widows have taught me unique truths, even in the midst of the shock and sadness of their first year alone. As they’ve posted powerful comments, they’ve influenced others, some of whom aren’t widows or even women. Every reader wants to know how to get through, and nothing shows us as well as the story of someone who’s been knocked down but is testifying from an “up” position. We think, “If she can do it, so can I.”

One cyber-friend speaking from an “up” position (despite being a widow for only 6 months) sent a short list detailing what she’d learned. Her insight hit me over the head (in a good way, of course) and is an excellent summary of why anyone struggling to get through something can look to God for rescue. She wrote:

The Lord smiles at 3 things:

  1. when I say, “I give up.”
  2. when the experts say, “There’s no way.”
  3. when his children say, “Yes, we’ll wait.”

These 3 statements speak volumes about God’s character and why we can trust him to successfully get us through whatever is threatening to hold us back. In a practical sense,

  1. when we say, “I give up,” he says, “I’ll take over now.”
  2. when we say, “There’s no way!” he says, “Watch me make one.”
  3. when we say, “I’ll try to be patient,” he says, “I’ll make it worth it.”

Receiving this kind of wisdom from blog readers is a priceless bonus I never expected. And with the above thoughts, I’ve been given 3 things I can do to put a smile on God’s face.

Greater wisdom than that can’t be found anywhere.

“Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who alone does wondrous things.” (Psalm 72:18)