Category Archives: Suffering

Shiner Stories

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In a family of 7 children, injuries abound, not from brawling but from childhood clumsiness and crashing into obstacles. A black eye is a common occurrence with kids, and ours never stopped running into things.

This photo of Louisa tells a shiner story of high impact with a coffee table, but that tale is insignificant compared to a second story told by the same picture.

It was 1991, and our family was in a financial free-fall. Every day brought more bad news, making it difficult to believe Jeremiah 29:11.

During those days, that verse was popping up frequently in sermons and had become the mantra of several Christian organizations: ”I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I really wanted to believe God’s “hopeful future” applied to us Nymans, but it was becoming more and more difficult.

One day 3 year old Louisa, 1 year old Birgitta, and I were pushing our shopping cart through K-Mart when I spotted a display of little girl dresses. Louisa had a Sunday school program upcoming with nothing cute to wear, and I began sliding hangers on the store rack while simultaneously thinking, “Stop it. You can’t afford these.”

But it was too late. A darling dress was already in our cart, black with pink roses and a satin sash to match. Weezi began jumping up and down. “For me?”

“For you!” I said, picturing her on the church stage feeling special.

While in the check-out line, however, common sense took hold of me. “I guess we’re not buying this,” I told the girl, handing her the dress.

That afternoon, while the girls napped and I had a pity party, next-door-neighbor Becky called. “My sister sent me a box of girl clothes, and since I only have boys, I thought maybe you’d want them.”

“Sure,” I said, offering to run over, but before I could, she was on my porch struggling under the weight of a giant box. We set it down in my kitchen, and she headed home. When I opened it, I gasped. Lying on top was a black dress with pink roses and a pink, satin sash (see photo). It was nearly identical to the dress I’d left behind at K-Mart. This time I let the tears come, a joyful response to God’s unexpected surprise.

Sometimes he lets us run into life’s sharp edges so forcefully we end up with shiners. But then there are times when he carefully moves us past each obstacle toward spectacular surprises that take our breath away.

The trick is being willing to accept whatever he plans, whether it’s a painful shiner or a joyful surprise. Our part is to trust his timing and judgment, especially on our tough days. I’ll take a shiner any day, though, if I know a gasp-worthy surprise is coming, too.

And amazingly, the day I found Louisa’s pretty dress, a second gasp came right after the first…

(tomorrow’s blog)

“Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits — who…crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things.” (Psalm 103:2,4,5)

 

Toxic Fun

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This evening as we were busy preparing an early supper for our two little ones and a later one for the rest of us, one year old Micah was hungry and fussy. As several of us chopped vegetables and cubed cheese, Micah burrowed between our legs and into the cabinet beneath the kitchen sink.

Tugging on my pants he reached his pudgy arms up to hand me something saying, “Deet-doo,” his version of “thank you.” He gave me the spray bottle of Windex, then waited for me to parrot his words.

“Thank you, Micah,” I said, putting the Windex on the counter.

Then he proceeded to hand me the bleach spray, the dishwashing liquid, furniture polish, flea spray, plant fertilizer and floor wax, each one with a “deet-doo.” None of it was appropriate for toddler play, but we were busy, and his cabinet clean-out was keeping him out of our hair.

Of course we were monitoring his potentially harmful playtime, but it made me wonder how many toxins we, as adults, “play” with while not being monitored. Toying with drugs (I’ll just try it once) or alcohol (Everyone drinks) or shoplifting (They charge too much anyway) or smoking (It looks cool) or any number of other toxic habits can ruin us before we even know what happened.

Another subtle poison that can ruin us is playing around with truth, stretching it here, subtracting from it there. Thankfully, God is monitoring that, since he has the corner on truth, and Jesus personifies it. He has a vested interest in what we do with it and him. We’re to “buy it” exactly as Scripture presents it.

If we aren’t sure how to handle it, God will counsel us. A good prayer from Psalm 25 is, “Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior.” When we dabble in his truth by choosing only the parts that appeal while setting the rest aside, this habit gradually becomes toxic and leads us to a deadly end.

If little Micah could have opened the cleaning products that looked so attractive to him, he would have spilled them on himself, tasted them, rubbed them in his eyes. While he was stinging with pain, he would have wondered how something so pretty could have hurt so much.

We ought to wonder the same thing before opening the cabinet door on hazardous behavior. “If I start this, will I be able to stop?” Sometimes God stops us, but he’s been known to let us have our way, too, which usually includes suffering the natural consequences of playing with poison. Under-the-sink liquids might require a bit of Ipecac, but altering truth will lead to harsher penalties.

Maybe the best approach is the one Micah used. Hand it off to someone responsible and say, “Deet-doo…  but no deets.”

“Buy the truth and do not sell it — wisdom, instruction and insight as well.” (Proverbs 23:23)

Just say yes.

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The inference of being a “yes man” isn’t good, a person with no opinion of his own (at least not one he’s willing to share). It’s someone who gives in quickly and kowtows to others: “Yes sir. Yes ma’m. Whatever you say.”

Last week President Obama was looking for some yes-men in Congress. In a sound bite played repeatedly he said, “When is somebody on the other side of the aisle going to take ‘yes’ for an answer?”

We all love a “yes”. As my son Klaus puts it, “Green lights are better than red ones,” and generally that’s true. But the ultimate “yes” is the one we hope to get from God after laying out our requests. “Pleeease,” we say, then hope for a “yes” a.s.a.p.

But what about him? While he’s deciding to answer with a “yes” or “no”, is it possible he’s looking for a few yes-es from us in return? When he asks if we’re willing to do something difficult or fight a painful battle, do we tell him “yes” or “no”?

Henry Blackaby puts it well in his book EXPERIENCING PRAYER WITH JESUS: “Let this be your heart’s desire: ‘Lord, whatever you say, my answer is yes, because that’s the only worthy response to you’.” So we’re supposed to become yes-men? Yes-women?

As I read that statement from the comfort of my lazy-boy, feet up, Coke Zero in hand, I could say, “Whatever it is, Lord! I’ll say ‘yes’!”

But when Nate got rapid-growth pancreatic cancer and was told he had only a short time to live, it wasn’t quite as easy to give an affirmative response. Later, when he began failing and God asked if I was willing to be a widow, my response was far from affirmative: “Do I have to?”

In life’s battle-trenches, we feel we’re doing well for God if we go through trouble without raging at him. But the response he longs to see during our suffering (nearly impossible) is a strong “yes”, even if spoken through tears.

Despite my own failures, I think success is more likely if I keep telling the Lord I want to be a yes-woman for him.  If I’ve said the yes-word long before I’ve hit the suffering, then, when the pain begins, my will tries to follow the verbal commitment. It might only be “Yes, I’ll try,” or “Yes, I hope so,” but if my “yes” beats me to the trouble, one of these days I’ll do it right when I get there.

Jesus modeled it perfectly: “Not what I want, Father, but ‘yes’ to your will for me, no matter how excruciating.” And that’s the enthusiastic yes-response God hopes he’ll see in all of us.

“Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.” (Isaiah 26:8)