Category Archives: Thankfulness

Satisfying a Longing

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The minute Nate and I learned of his cancer diagnosis, I wanted to talk to Mom, but she died in 2005. I knew she would have delivered wise counsel as our feet left the edge of the cliff we’d just been pushed from. She didn’t mince words or say flowery things that would perfume over the truth. And at that moment, I wanted the truth, raw as it might be. I craved her empathy and wanted to ask what I should do next.

As Nate and I sat looking out the van windshield on our drive back to Michigan that day, stunned by what we’d just heard, I needed someone who’d already traveled through hardship to come alongside and whisper wisdom into my ear. The unsatisfied longing to talk to Mom popped up again and again during the six tumultuous weeks of Nate’s illness. Oh how I yearned for her advice, her leveling. But as the old proverb says, “Wishing doesn’t make it so.”

Today, however, I heard from Mom. It happened in a most unlikely way, and I view it as God’s gentle plan to fill up the pothole of longing in my heart.

Mom in red coat

A friend from childhood named Al who often comments on my blog, mentioned the close relationship our two mothers had had. These women raised their children together so closely, the kids grew up thinking they were all cousins. When Al’s father died, his mother, Ione, received a long letter from my mother, written four days after the death. The letter was meaningful enough to save for 43 years and was re-read again and again.

Today both of those women are gone, but the letter isn’t. Al thought it would hearten me now, in my new life-assignment without Nate, so he mailed me a copy. When I opened his envelope this morning, the first thing I saw was Mom’s familiar handwriting on four pages of stationary. That alone made me smile.

I set aside the letter for a quiet moment later on, eventually sitting down with a mug of cranberry tea and an eagerness to hear from Mom. I read it twice, thinking of the sweet relationship between these two women. Then it occurred to me that since I believe God put the letter into my hands to help me, too, I would read it one more time as if Mom had written it directly to me, a new widow just like Ione had been. And from the letter, here is the gist of her counsel after she began with, “Dear, always-brave [Margaret]” :

  • Think back at least three generations and count your blessings. Thank God for “stoic, loyal, living examples of the Scriptures – steadfast, immoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. Bless the memory of those who lived long, long ago.”
  • Cherish your women friends. Receive their comfort. They are “…golden threads of friendship which, through the years, have knit [you] together in a near-holy bond of fellowship. Who would have dreamed [your] socializing could have become such a blessing?”Ione's letter 2
  • Never doubt that God took [Nate] home for important reasons. “Perhaps the bodily affliction that laid him aside was for his grooming in the hand of God.”
  • Be grateful for the family you still have on this earth, even though your husband, the family leader, is gone. And remember with fondness that Nate loved each family member and the warm home you made for him. “A man could ask for no more, earth-wise.”
  • “The greatest of your blessings is – as you well know – the presence of Christ in your lives and your home. Herein is Love.”
  • As for [Nate], “he is very alive in the presence of the Lord… with the very Lord who gave him you, [Margaret], and the children [and grandchildren].”
  • Now, “work harder than ever for the Lord, because of your [Nate]. I commend you to the God of all comfort.”

Only God could have orchestrated such a creative way to not only help me during a time of need and encourage me for weeks to come, but also to do it in a way that filled the longing in my heart to hear directly from Mom.

“‘All this,’ David said, ‘I have in writing from the hand of the Lord upon me, and he gave me understanding in all the details of the plan.’ David also said to Solomon, his son, ‘Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work … is finished.’” (1 Chronicles 28:19-20)

The Love Dare

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Many of us saw a movie in 2008 called “Fireproof” about a couple whose marriage was falling apart. The husband was challenged to secretly do loving things for his wife for 40 days straight in an effort to warm their relationship. It was a good story based on biblical principles, and Nate and I enjoyed the movie. Several months later, bookstores showcased THE LOVE DARE, a book detailing the 40 days of love. Each chapter ended with a “dare” to do something kind for husband or wife.Love Dare 2

Last December, I saw the book on sale and decided it might be fun to quietly do 40 days of good deeds for Nate as we started a new year. We weren’t having any marriage struggles at the time, but I bought the book, always wanting to make our marriage better.

I made THE LOVE DARE part of my daily devotional time and looked forward to seeing what each new “dare” would be. The first one was to “say nothing negative to your spouse” all day. That wasn’t difficult, and I checked it off with ease.

The second day instructed, “Do one unexpected gesture.” While Nate was on the train heading to work, I called his answering machine and thanked him for being willing to go to work on a nine degree morning, to battle it out for our benefit. I also thanked him for plunging a toilet before leaving and carrying six loads of dirty clothes to the laundry room. Journaling as the book suggests, I listed my phone call as the unexpected gesture but also the six things he did for me before 7:00 AM.

As the days ticked away, I completed each “dare” and learned new things about my husband. I learned he loved me far more unconditionally than I loved him, and I became increasingly thankful I was married to Nate.

As our moving date came closer and life picked up speed, I found it harder to get to THE LOVE DARE book. A month went by. Then two. Eventually I lost track of the book but figured I’d find it when we unpacked after the move. Four months went by but finally it surfaced. I wanted to continue, having seen interesting gains in our relationship, so began again on September 20 at about the half way point.

Two days later, we heard those words, “Pancreatic cancer, metastasized, inoperable, incurable.” And in the swirl of activity that followed, there wasn’t one minute to do any more “dares”.

Today I looked at the last “dare” I’d done for Nate. It was to spend focused time in prayer for him. On the journal page I wrote, “I enjoyed praying for Nate more than an hour this morning and am excited to watch for the Lord’s fresh activity in and around his life!”

The Scripture for that day was, “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.” (3 John 2)

To read that now makes me ache. But the events that unfolded after my hour of prayer for Nate were so unusual, I can’t view them as anything but God’s doing. As I’d requested in prayer that day, I did get to see “the Lord’s fresh activity in and around his life.” It just looked wildly different than I’d envisioned, and it was contrary to what I’d wanted. But God isn’t predictable and doesn’t do our bidding. We know only what’s in front of us. He looks over our heads and sees the distant future and all the good that will be part of that.

I regret not finishing THE LOVE DARE. Between January and November, I had plenty of time to complete 40 days of “dares”. Had I known Nate’s life would come to a screeching halt on November 3, I’d have been more diligent about getting through the book, but I thought I had all the time in the world.

The achy verse from 3 John actually had it right. Nate’s soul is indeed prospering (understatement!), and he is definitely in good health!

“Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.” (Mark 11:24)

A Close Call

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When I opened my eyes this morning, I looked up from the pillow through the windows that are our headboard and saw big, feather-like snowflakes drifting toward me. I felt like a kid lying in a snow drift with my tongue out, waiting for the flakes to land in my mouth. While I’d been sleeping, nature had put on her winter coat.

snow outside bedroom

By mid-morning Jack was eager for his walk. I was excited to see how the storm had beautified the beach, so we decided to take the car and do our walking along the shore, once we got there.

Although there were only two inches of snow on the roads, it was slippery, and I ran into trouble. Most of the four blocks are uphill as we “climb” the dunes. I drove over the creek bridge and started up the 45 degree angle when the van started to slip. I tried to turn into the skid as they taught us in driver’s ed, but the car had its own plan.

It began slowly swiveling around on the hill until it was crossways on the road. A gentle braking wouldn’t stop it, and the gas pedal only spun the wheels. I sat holding the steering wheel, not sure what to do, when the van began sliding down the hill sideways as if it was a happy child on a snow saucer. I pictured myself going over the edge of the road right into the creek I’d just crossed, about a ten foot drop. How would I explain this to my insurance man?

Jack was seated like an old guy in the back seat, and I began asking him what to do. “Should I turn the wheel? Straighten it? Jump out?” I wasn’t sure, but I opened the door, just in case. As we headed for the creek, suddenly my rear wheels hit a pile of leaves under the snow and grabbed hold, jerking the car to a stop.

After pausing to think, I decided to back up further into the leaves, turn the tires down hill and gun it. The van spun into front-forward position and slipped back to level ground on the creek bridge. We made it home safely and started again for the beach, this time on foot. God had prepared a surprise for me.

When we got to that same incline, I studied my tire tracks. Under the innocent-looking snow was a layer of ice. Even my moon-boots slipped hopelessly once we started climbing, and I had to use the leaves at the edge for traction. Lucky Jack, he had claws.

As we continued to climb, I came to the second incline where the edge of the road drops off immediately and plunges over a cliff several stories down. My heart started pounding when I realized if my van had made it up the first incline, I’d have moved to the second one, the drop-off section of road where it was much icier. Had the van begun to slip there, I’d have gone backwards over the cliff for sure. I might have been able to jump out just before the car went over, but Jack would have gone with the car, which would have tumbled end over end and been totaled.

Jack and I walked to the edge of the cliff and looked down, recognizing God’s protective care by having me slip badly on the first incline, forcing us to take the car home. He’d saved us from driving to the second incline, preventing a serious mishap with possibly severe injuries and a ruined car. And my furry friend could easily have been lost.

snow out sunroom 2

By the time Jack and I got to the beach, I had goose bumps, partly from the cold, but mostly because of the realization God had literally saved me from disaster. Once again, he’d been the loving, take-action husband for me, just as he promised.

“I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust!’ For he will give his angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways.” (Psalm 91:2,11)