Give and Take

Posted on October 16, 2009 by Margaret

My dad was a conservative Swede. Wanting to minimize risk, he decided to wait a while before marrying. When a firecracker of a young woman came into his life and proposed, he fell to cupid’s arrow and married her. He was 42, and his bride was 13 years his junior with the energy of a young kid. Even as an old lady, Mom’s incredible pace was a marvel. Dad would shake his head and say, “You should have seen her when she was young!”

When Dad grew older, he shared his thoughts on getting married in middle-age. One of his comments has always stuck with me: “Since I got such a late start, I never expected to live long enough to see my children graduate from high school.”

But God took care of that, and Dad saw his three kids graduate from high school, college, get married and bring 15 of 17 grandchildren to him. His greatest joy was studying each one and alerting their parents (us) to special character qualities he saw in them. He reminded us of the importance of new life and was a model of exercising patience with children.

“Before you judge them, look at it from their point of view,” he’d say. He relished his role as a grandpa.

Fifteen months ago, Nate and I had the spectacular joy of becoming cousins grandparents, too. Skylar Grace came to our Linnea and Adam through remarkable circumstances. (See Linnea’s “bio” page on her blog: www.KissYourMiracle.com ) Five months later, Nicholas Carl arrived through Hans and Katy and is now a nine month old citizen of both the UK and the US.

Eight months after that, Linnea and Adam surprised us with the news that Skylar would have a baby brother in February! And now, during this stressful month of cancer discovery and daily sadness, God has surprised us again (and also Hans and Katy) with news of twins arriving in April! And the frosting on this family cake is that Linnea’s baby is due on her sister-in-law Katy’s birthday, and Katy’s babies are due on her sister-in-law Louisa’s birthday. God’s creativity and gift-giving leaves us speechless!

As Scripture says, the Lord does take away but he also gives. (Job 1:21) To think of three new babies arriving into our family during this time, a season of adversity and mourning, is nothing but God’s lavish outpouring of blessing.

“For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation.” (Psalm 100:5)

“Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10b)

baby twins N

baby boy C

A day of losses

Posted on October 16, 2009 by Margaret

Nelson and Hans accompanied us today, a pleasant variation for Nate and me. The wet, stormy highways made me thankful I could ride rather than drive. After two hospital appointments, our plan was to drive the mile to Nate’s office to visit his many friends there.

My sister had arranged for a wheelchair, but once at the curb in front of his office, Nate gathered his strength and wanted to walk his once-daily routine. We slowly entered the lobby, passers-by unaware of the significant event unfolding.

Emotionally-charged hugging began before we even got to the elevators as the security guard rushed from her place behind the counter to throw her arms around Nate. She patted him as if they were the closest of pals, telling us how much she loved him. Nate seemed to love her right back.

Stepping off the elevator on the 13^th floor, we walked through the thick glass doors with Nate’s name included on the list of lawyers there. What were his thoughts? Three weeks ago, when he left the office to meet me at the doctor’s appointment that fateful day, he never dreamed he wouldn’t work again.

One by one people emerged from their offices to shake Nate’s hand, most putting their arms around him at the same time. It was “old home week,” and I watched him take it all in. Several were holding back tears. One labeled it bittersweet. Everyone knew the painful truth.

The conference room barely held us all, every eye on Nate, but we quickly fell into an easy banter. If anyone was shocked at his having become a shadow of his former self, no one let it show. I looked around the room and thought of the great differences in the many personalities there, politically, religiously, culturally and in age. Somehow this group had managed to work side by side for 19 years in a happy crowd of humanity that appreciated each other for what they had in common.

In a tender gesture, many of them wore Christmas neckties and necklaces. Nate’s legendary collection of holiday ties had allowed him to wear a different one each day in December. He appreciated the joke and mustered a smile.

Later, standing behind his desk surveying the monumental work Rob and Tom had done in his badly cluttered office, he was quiet. Again I wished I could have read his mind. When we left, I believe he knew he’d never be back. He didn’t say anything negative, but surely he was struggling with the many losses… his office, his files, his clients, his co-workers, his career, his identity, his routine and even the security guard. Although he’s had losses of some sort every day, this day was overloaded with them.

Later, back at home, Nate ended his day with the comfort of a hot bath. But one more loss was added to the day’s total when he had a fall getting out of the tub. It took three people to get him up, but we were thankful a badly bruised knee was the only damage. All of us, Nate included, are wondering what tomorrow will bring… or what it will take away. I marvel at his stoicism and refusal to complain.

When Nate was finally settled into his hospital bed for the night, his face flush with the effort to get there, we read today’s comments on the blog, as well as many encouraging emails. Quite a few of the messages mentioned Nate being a testimony of God’s faithfulness. As we prayed together he said, “Oh Lord, I’m not worthy to be a testimony of you. Please make me worthy.” When I peeked at him, a single tear was running down his cheek.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you, for I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (Isaiah 43:1a-3a)

Showers of blessing

Posted on October 11, 2009 by Margaret

As Nate and I came down the stairs this morning in tandem as we always do (me first to cushion any falls), a fire was already burning in the fireplace. We’d had our first freeze last night, and the upstairs held a chill, so the fire was especially warming. A bin full of split wood was at the ready. The coffee was brewed and waiting for us.

When I went into the bathroom, yesterday’s wet, used towels had been replaced with clean ones. Folded laundry was piled high in a living room chair. Last night’s dishes, left to dry in the sink drainer (no dishwasher), had been put away. Our circle of chairs in the living room, one for each family member, was ready for today’s meals. Pastries from the bakery sat on the kitchen counter.

Today’s newspapers, Nate’s great pleasure, were waiting next to his lazy-boy chair, and the dog had already been walked. Our car had been filled with gas and was ready for our next trip into Chicago.

All of this is the work of our grown children. These days, even before we mention what is needed, they’ve spotted it and provided. Their behavior reminds me of the Scripture verse that says even before we ask, God knows what we need. (Matthew 6:8)

In recent days our kids have changed the oil in the car, run endless errands including all the grocery shopping for a crowd, and organized prayer times together. They’ve made sure all the plants that might freeze were brought into the house, washing the pots first. They’ve put together (and cleaned up) countless meals. They are solicitous of our welfare to the smallest detail, and are trouble-shooting in every category. They are showering us with blessing.

As Nate has become needy and I right along with him, we’ve flip-flopped roles with our kids. They are now the givers, and we are the receivers. Both of us are bowled over by their consistent efforts to help without taking any credit. I believe they are allowing themselves to be used as part of God’s gracious provision for us and also for each other during these days of raw emotion and painful reality. Each one has set aside a busy life as if that wasn’t stress enough, to come and hang out with us. They’ve made themselves available to work, talk, sit in silence or just be under the same roof. And all of this is taking place while they are hurting, too.

During the last 19 days, each of us has been wrenched from a familiar routine and flung into the foreign land of terminal cancer. We entered this new world kicking and screaming but have been surprised by the unnumbered blessings that have come along with us.

When in recent years have all of us been together without an agenda? There has always been a program to follow: Christmas dinners and traditions, birthday celebrations and gifts, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, the 4thof July picnic, you name it. Every family gathering follows a prescribed script from beginning to end. This time, there is no script. There are definitely gifts, but no one has had to shop or pay for them. They are words, deeds, time spent, prayers prayed.

We are living under a shower of blessing. It’s a strange time, seemingly unreal. It’s almost as if this drama is happening to some other family. In moments of the day we forget, ever so briefly, that our father/husband has been given a death sentence. And then it comes rushing back to us, bringing nausea, weakness and sadness. Yet none of us can deny that each day has its plus signs.

Today, for example, our niece Julia, her husband Drew, and their three children arrived on our door step with the intention of praying over Nate and for all of us. We didn’t serve coffee or eat cookies. We simply sat in a circle, holding hands, and prayed (and cried). The children were casually sprawled on the floor inside our circle, part of the whole event. God Almighty was in the circle, too, powerfully doing his unmistakable work inside each of us. Had Nate not been seriously ill, this extraordinary get-together would not have occurred. We were under a shower of blessing.

As the old hymn says:

There shall be showers of blessing: