Newlywed Love (#84)

Posted on September 27, 2017 by Margaret

Aug. 8-9, 1970

With Mary, Bervin, and Tom coming to Champaign for the weekend, Nate and I worked hard to clean the apartment, front to back. We didn’t own a vacuum but had been given a partially-functional carpet sweeper. It was powered by good old fashioned elbow grease, and I always reserved that chore for Nate.

The carpet sweeper had a revolving bar much like a vacuum, but it wouldn’t pick anything up unless the user pressed down hard while shoving it around the room. It was pure pleasure watching Nate throw himself into that assignment each week, and our dull, grey carpets never looked better.

When our little home was sparkling, we shopped together for fondue ingredients, thoroughly excited about our visitors. But as we unpacked the groceries, our phone rang — and brought bad news. Chicago weather had “turned,” and small planes weren’t allowed to fly. The forecast was better the following day, though, and they planned to come then.

When the weather didn’t improve, Mary and Bervin decided to drive. This shortened their visit to just a few hours, but we were glad they still wanted to come. Sadly, Tom couldn’t join them, since Corvettes have no back seat.

They pulled up to our building just after lunch, and we headed for Allerton Park in an effort to work up an appetite for dinner.

Mary surprised me with dessert — a homemade birthday cake topped with 25 candles – quite the gift!

We got to meet their new Cocker Spaniel, Russell, and hear positive reports about how our Baron was doing. When I expressed guilt over leaving him with Mom and Dad, Mary insisted we not worry, describing how much Mom loved having a dog again. But a note in Mom’s diary hinted otherwise:

Tom enjoys the Baron – but he is work and concern for me.

By the end of the day, we’d caught up on all the news from home, and best of all had been able to “see” our first nephew/niece by way of Mary’s expanding tummy. To me it was an absolute wonder – a real live baby was about to join our all-adult family. Almost too good to be true!

As they pulled away close to 10:00 PM, we calculated they wouldn’t get home till the wee hours – and were grateful they’d stayed so long. But watching their taillights disappear was torture for me. Our foursome was relatively new, and we longed to spend more time together. But distance (and Nate’s 7-day-a-week paper route) kept us apart.

Nate and I lingered on our building’s front porch long after they’d left, appreciating the song of crickets and the balmy summer night. But I was missing my sister already. “Where do you think we’ll end up after graduation?” I said. “Maybe in the Chicago area? Like… close to Mary and Bervin?”

“No promises,” Nate said. “It’ll all depend on where I can get the best job.”

But as we climbed the stairs my last thought was, “Chicago’s a really big city. Surely there’s one good job there for Nate.”

“Lord… you hold my future.” (Psalm 16:5)

Newlywed Love (#82)

Posted on September 25, 2017 by Margaret

August 3, 1970

Every so often Nate and I stopped to analyze our marriage, hoping to always stay up-to-date with each other’s feelings. Several friends had married and were sorry they’d done so, and we never wanted to get to that place.

After these analyzing conversations, I always recorded the results in my journal. That way we could refer back or even re-set if necessary. As we approached our 25^th birthdays, we decided the time was right for another moment of scrutiny.

One reason I was looking forward to the conversation was to apologize for something. Nate had always been a champion at complimenting me –whether it was something I did or the way I looked. I loved it, especially since each compliment usually came with a hug and a few kisses.

As for me, I wasn’t good at reciprocating. I felt a deep admiration for Nate and never tired of looking at the man I thought was the most handsome in the world. I often wrote complimentary notes about him in my journal, but often these praises didn’t reach his ears.

We talked at length, and my entry that night summarized our conversation:

I went on about trying to be honest with each other so that not even the slightest uneasiness could develop between us. Nate told me he didn’t feel “un-complimented” and assured me it wasn’t an issue with him. “I feel your love in lots of other ways, not just in compliments,” he said.

He followed that up with a string of fresh compliments for me… saying he loved my openness in marriage and my desire to be a good wife. He thanked me for loving him and, as always, expressed gratitude that I said yes to marrying him.

I knew no matter how I tried, I’d never be able to match Nate’s expertise as a complimenter. So I figured the only thing to do was to keep trying. I started by giving him a compliment on the heels of the ones he’d just given me: “You’re so good at making me feel secure in your love.”

It wasn’t the greatest, since there was a “me” in it, but it was a start. And if worse came to worse, I could always read to him from my journal:

“Each one of us must please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” (Romans 15:2)

One Year Without Mary

Posted on September 24, 2017 by Margaret

September 24, 2017

One year ago today, Mary left us, although that isn’t the accurate way to say it. She didn’t willfully leave us but allowed her departure to be orchestrated by God.

Scripture says Jesus has the key to death (Revelation 1:18) and that whatever he opens, no one can close. (Revelation 3:7) A year ago he opened death’s door for Mary, and her spirit walked willingly through it, right into eternal pleasure. It was God’s perfect plan for her.

That’s the encouraging thing about a loved one’s passing. If we, like Mary, have loved and followed Jesus in our earthly lives, death’s door is simply a passageway to a glorious new life we can’t possible picture now.

Knowing that, however, doesn’t ease the sorrow in the rest of us. Throughout this day, our minds have been filled with Mary – sweet remembrances and the thousand-and-one-ways we each miss her.

Bervin initiated a time of sharing tonight, to take place at the beach Mary loved so much. A bunch of us gathered to talk and let our eyes freely fill with tears, if need be. From a wide circle of beach chairs, we shared bits and pieces of who Mary was to each of us by way of things we hold dear about her now – memories from silly to serious.

Bervin coaxed Scripture from us by asking if anyone could recall Bible passages that Mom/Grandma had taught them. As 7 young children played in the middle of our circle, the verses came forth. And in reciting those, we remembered how much Mary loved the Word of God.

It’s mindboggling to realize she is now loving THE Word, face-to-face. (John 1:1) And as one of her children said tonight, “She’s also got all the answers to all the questions the rest of us are still asking.”

Later, as we warmed hot dogs over our fire on a perfect weather-evening, the sun set over Lake Michigan. And we concluded that none of us knows who will next join Mary or when that might be.

But if she had walked up to our circle on the beach tonight with a bit of advice from her life “on the other side,” she probably would have said something like this: “Trust God with your life… and death. Study your Bibles. And be sure you say these words to others often: I love you.

“Because after all, you never know…”

“The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the full light of day.” (Proverbs 4:18)